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The Japanese Have A Special Word For Mom

December 14th, 2010 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

As with every culture, the Japanese have words that are difficult to translate into other languages. Most well-known among them are honne, one’s “true feelings and desires,” and tatemae, “the behavior and opinions one displays in public.” There’s also a Japanese word, yoko meshi, for the “stress induced by speaking a foreign language.”

Then there’s this one from the 20 Awesomely Untranslatable Words from Around the World list:

But, see, here’s where I’m confused. Because I always thought the word for that person was just… “Mom”?

What you can't see in this picture is the invisible gun Mom's holding to her child's head.

[Matador Abroad: 20 Awesomely Untranslatable Words from Around the World]
[NPR: Translating the Untranslatable]

Thanks, Angela!

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Kimberly Motley, Kabul’s Most Respected Lawyer

September 27th, 2010 | 3 comments | Posted by Diana



Name: Kimberly Motley

Age: 35

Occupation: Lawyer, mom, former beauty queen

Known for: Helping foreigners sitting in Afghan jails. The Daily Beast‘s Elise Jordan just profiled the daughter of an American dad and South Korean mom, mother of three and 2004 Miss Wisconsin, who is currently a registered attorney with the American, British, Italian, Norwegian, German, and Canadian Embassies and recently negotiated the release of high-profile Brit detainee Bill Shaw. Motley wears neither a dress, veil nor headscarf in trial and is, according to Jordan, “one of the most respected lawyers in Kabul.”

From TDB:

Motley, who was crowned Mrs. Wisconsin in 2004, grew up in Milwaukee and earned her law degree at Marquette University. She had never traveled outside the U.S. before she began working to rebuild Afghanistan’s legal system in 2008 as a part of the State Department’s Justice Sector Program. Traveling around the countryside—visiting women’s prisons, juvenile detention centers, and some of Afghanistan’s roughest and toughest jails—she found that “not only were due process violations being ignored for virtually all of the accused persons, but there were quite a few foreigners trapped within the legal and prison system,” she says.

Continue reading AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Kimberly Motley, Kabul’s Most Respected Lawyer

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Mom Is Scary For Terry On Tool Academy 2

November 3rd, 2009 | 2 comments | Posted by Diana

I apologize, guys. I’m still watching Tool Academy 2 because the Reality TV Gods ignored my prayer, and that gross bastard Terry wasn’t cut when I asked. In fact, he somehow made the top 3.

But look, I don’t always need to get what I want. Who cares about elminasian when Asian parents might get involved? Just knowing that Terry would ultimately have to confront his cheating demons in front of Kate–Nicole’s awesome, loving-and-cool-yet-obviously-not-without-a-Hardass-laser-beam-glare mom–was enough to make me squeal like a pig with glee this VH1 week.

Watch Terry’s moment of truth (seated in therapy: Terry’s parents on his right, and Nicole’s baby bro and mom on her left) below:







It’s kind of the worst possible thing to imagine, right?  Reality camera crews and the eventual eyes of the nation might seem kind of non-judgmental when you’re knee deep in filming, I’m sure. But–whether cameras are on or off–nothing’s more shameful than saying that you can’t tame your dick in front of PARENTS. Especially parents that think you’re a JERK.

So you’d think in a moment so mortifying, Terry could have mustered a more realistic “I’m sorry,” right? Me too. But…nah.


[VH1: Family Weekend At Tool Academy]

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DWTS: I Totally Get It (Not!)

September 23rd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

My mom loves Dancing with the Stars, so–against all of my instincts–I’ve actually promised to give it a shot this season.

Thing is, the season opener boasted two of the most intense television moments I’ve ever witnessed:

Oh hohhhh ohhh…

Mark Dacascos and Lacey Schwimmer’s “Asian-themed” kung-fu/cha cha cha hybrid routine, set to the charming tune of Carl Douglas’s “Kung Fu Fighting, for one. (Here’s my point: Isn’t doing the cha cha cha almost Asian enough? Have you guys watched your parents at weddings?)

This shit is definitely wild

And, worse, or… better, or… I really don’t know, the super awkweird Me-Daddy-You-Jane cha cha cha of Tom DeLay and Cheryl Burke–who I guess would be two of my favorite people in bizarro world. DeLay can’t really help that he’s, well Tom DeLay. I get that. But some things he should never do EVER AGAIN are strum an air guitar, mouth dirty words to a woman in her twenties, and… cha cha cha.

The result of both in concert: CREEPY TINGLES EVERYWHERE, and we’re just talking about episode one!! I’m fucking scarred for life!

And you know what, I don’t know if I can go through this kind of trauma again. Not even for my mother (Sorry, Mom!). We’ll see.

Watch the full episode here, if you dare.

[ABC: Dancing with the Stars - Official Site]

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Thanks, Margie!

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Thank Heavens for Impregnasian

May 7th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

When I first saw the above picture of Dina Lohan receiving an Outstanding Mother of the Year award this week, I immediately thought:

“WHO THE HELL ARE THE MING LING MOMS? AND WHY THE FUZZ ARE THEY HONORING DINA LOHAN???”

Are they a collection of beautiful Chinese women that get together to play Mahjong, sing songs, and compare expensive leather bags and children? Do they dine on rice and complain about how their sons can’t decide between going to Harvard Med or Yale Law? Do they get microdermabrasian together? Do they go for steams together?

Of course, a moment later I realized that “Mingling Moms” is just a small, Long Island, NY-based groups of baby mamas that pretty much like hanging out and having lunch and stuff.

…Which is, of course, why Dina Lohan truly is an outstanding role model! She’s very good at hanging out and having lunch and stuff!

“I’m a lot like Lindz–
If there’s a photographer and a cocktail, I’ll be there.”


Y’know, if there did happen to be an organizasian called The Ming Ling Moms, I doubt very much they would be willing to honor anyone with acrylic tips as an Outstanding mother. Perhaps, instead, they might issue a statement like this:

“We do not approve of children that do not go to university, do drugs, drink, go to jail, and show private parts to public. The only explanation for this is that mother is failure. Maybe mother should go back to school and show daughter how to succeed in life, by working hard and making good food at home.”

…but maybe not a fancy, expensive plaque worthy of Lohan’s tips.

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Hey "Rippers," We Will Wreck Your Fasian

March 28th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


Jen informed me today that a purse-snatching epidemic in San Jose aimed at Asian women, particularly Vietnamese, was reported in today’s local Mercury News (See the clip included in their piece above).

The Asian-targeted attacks certainly aren’t isolated–Angry Asian Man pointed out “The Beacon Hill Groper’s” lurid exploits just this week, and I cried last month when I heard about the death of an Orange County mom who suffered a stroke after being pepper-sprayed by a twenty-something girl that snatched her lunch, thinking it was a purse.

The thought of such a violent, violating act–like that in the video above–happening to anyone I know, specifically my loved ones–Jen, my sisters, my friends, my Mom–makes me absolutely ill. Although perhaps not for the reason you’d assume…

A note to “The Rippers”:

IF YOU SO MUCH AS THINK OF LAYING A SNATCHING, GROPING, PEPPER-SPRAYING FINGER ON ONE OF MY LADIES, YOU WILL SUFFER A FATE SO GRUESOME THAT THE DEVIL WON’T EVEN WANT TO LOOK AT YOU. YOU WILL BE UNRECOGNIZABLE. YOU WILL BE INCONSOLABLE. YOU WILL BE WRECKED.

That’s just the truth, and that’s not my fault. They’s just some tough bitches.

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Badass Asian Parenting

March 3rd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I didn’t blink an eye when I saw that Kazumi Izaki (pictured left) just passed the Japanese board’s license test to become the country’s oldest female boxer at the age of 44.

The Hardass Asian Mother of two told The Star Online:

“After you turn 40, you get far-sighted and you wither physically,” she told reporters after her test bout Thursday. “But I should be able to compensate for it with the other high-level qualities that I have.

Those high-level qualities were not explicitly mentioned in the Star article, but I’ve taken the liberty of compiling a temporary list to help you get the picture:

  • Izaki is very good at “killing with eye lasers.”
  • Izaki can make someone cry purely by saying, “I should never have had you.”
  • Izaki’s not-secret weapon: cutting an opponent off at the knees.
  • Izaki’s super-secret weapon: disappointed eyes.
  • Can Izaki pack a punch? Her husband says, “Her smack feels like a UFC Champ’s punch to the balls.”

Needless to say, I feel quite confident that this lady’s gonna be taking home a belt or two at age 45, 50, 55, and beyond.

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SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: All Apologies

August 28th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Did you guys buy Michael Vick’s apology?

I was strangely moved by it, but I have PMS (guys who are reading this, don’t you dare go, “ewwwww”). Vick did say a few things that gave me pause, which I have chosen to address with the following:

The Ballers’ Guide to Public Speaking

1) DON’T speak about yourself in the third person. Jen’s had enough of this. Jen understands that “Scottie Pippen,” for example, is a brand, but Jen says you sound mentally ill when you talk that way.

2) DON’T say you’re taking time off to spend it with your family. That is always code for “I’m taking time off to weigh my multimillion dollar offers” or “(Insert name of present team) didn’t give me enough cashish” or “I want to be an a-hole like Roger Clemens and not have to travel with my team and do that boring shit like practice and warmup and I want to get flown private everywhere while sucking as much money as possible from the owners and sucking on the mound, cuz I’m old.”

3) DON’T suddenly “find Jesus” in crisis. If Jesus is your thing, cool. But Jesus is not a lucky penny. You don’t just suddenly find him on the sidewalk one day while you happen to be getting sued by your wife for wifebeating or while you’re awaiting sentencing for dogfighting. That is bullshit.

4) DON’T say your wife beats you because you don’t want to pay her half in the dee-vorce. Not naming any names here Jason Kidd, but really, dude, that’s not even plausible, especially when you, Jason Kidd, have already been rung up on wifebeating charges, okay?

5) DON’T become absurdly modest. It’s one thing to give credit where credit is due, but don’t say stuff like “We’re just a team. I’m a team player. I don’t care about my individual stats, I just care about the ‘W’.” Again, bullshit.

6) DO give a shout-out to Moms or Grams at any given opportunity. “Hi Mom! Love ya! xJen”–how easy was that? Want people to like you? Be good to your Mom. Or, at the very least, do it while the cameras are rolling.

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