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Famed, self-proclaimed “feminist lawyer” Gloria Allred has accomplished some bold and fascinating things during her long, high-profile career. She sued the Boy Scouts for excluding girls. She repped Nicole Brown Simpson’s family in the O.J. Simpson murder trial. In ’04, she filed the first lawsuit in California challenging the denial of marriage licenses as being unconstitutional.
But Allred also represents Tiger’s classiest mistress, Rachel Uchitel, and helped her nab $10 million to keep her trap shut about her sexy times with the year’s most famous philanderer. She took on client Josyln James, the porn star who’s been peddling her dirty wares alongside an online log of Tiger’s banausic sexts, and seeks an apology for James’s… time?
The attorney now stands alongside a new money-grubbing fame-seeking apology-seeking bandwagoneer: Woods’s kindergarten teacher, Maureen Decker. Decker feels wronged by a story that first appeared in Charles Barkley’s book The Wicked Game, which was published in 2005–and after five years realized that Tiger Woods was wrapped in a shit spiral and ladies everywhere could cash in if they played their cards right she couldn’t take the “migraines, elevated blood pressure, and colitis” for one more day, sought Allred’s inparticular counsel, and went public with her beef.
Does simply signing clients with vaginas make one a feminist? Because we kinda think that a truly pro-fem lawyer would have been the one working to secure Elin Nordegren’s future and due financial security. Instead, she’s taking a percentage of victories for women who feel they are owed something for spreading their legs and screwing somebody else’s husband. Ah, what a powerful message: “If I fuck you, you better take care of me.”
Filed under: 15 Minutes of Fame, Bad Examples, Elin Nordegren, Fame Whores, Feminism is Dead, Feminists, firsts, Glorie Allred, I Call Bullshit, Lawsuits, Mistresses, Money-Grubbers, Rachel Uchitel, Striking While The Iron Is Hot, Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods Affair, Tiger Woods Affairs, Tiger Woods Sex Scandal, Ugh
Beloved Singaporean film director Jack Neo was dubbed “Singapore’s Tiger Woods” this week after his girlfriend of two years–a 22-year-old model/actress that had played bit parts in some of his films–confronted his wife and spilled her story to tabloids. The mistress, Wendy Chong, is just five years younger than Neo’s marriage of 27 years.
For whatever reason, Neo’s wife, Irene, has decided to stay with her husband. She joined him at a press conference and tearfully made a statement about her decision, begging for forgiveness, support, and the public’s blessing. Neo had already stated, “Please give us a second chance.”
As she exited the room, Irene Neo collapsed in sobs and had to be carried out.
Meanwhile, the American Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods, announced that he would be returning to professional golf to compete in the Masters. That’s big news, but not so big as the newly-posted sexts that his former porn star flame, Joslyn James (a woman who dances with the same sultry, poultry flourish as DISGRASIAN hall-of-shamer Bai Ling) has unveiled on an official promo website.
Filed under: Adulterers, Adultery, Affairs, American Chopper, Bai Ling, Cheating, Chicken Dance, Elin Nordegren, Extramarital Affairs, Fame Whores, Forgiveness, Gross Chicks, Hooker Bitches, In Touch Magazine, Irene Neo, Jack Neo, Jesse James, Jesse James Apologizes, Jesse James Apology, Jesse James Cheats On Sandra Bullock, Jesse James Kids, Jilted Spouses, Josyln James, Lame Names, Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, Mistresses, Mistresses That Sell Their Stories Are Pathetic, Porn Stars, Sandra Bullock, Sandra Bullock Cancels London Premiere, Sexting, Shame, Shameless Self-Promotion, Singapore's Tiger Woods, Swastikas, Tattoos, Tiger Woods, Wendy Chong
I remember hearing about Rielle Hunter’s pregnancy through the drunken, gossipy grapevine of politicos on Super Tuesday of 2008. Pollsters and pundits were huddled down in drab enclaves at Manchester, NH drinking holes to avoid the bitter cold. Dennis Kucinich had just finished some pub beef something-or-other in the booth next to me. Right then, a fiery HuffPo blogger slid into the seat across from mine, and spilled: “John Edwards knocked some woman up. She’s having the baby and they have a cover-up story. No one in the press is saying anything because of Elizabeth’s cancer, but we all know.” He swooped back out.
There had been some tabloid speculation about Hunter before this, but few Americans knew or investigated. After hearing about the lovechild, I naturally watched with fascination as the saga eventually panned out. On February 27, Hunter had the baby. In July, the National Enquirer broke a story about Edwards visiting his new daughter at the Beverly Hilton (see above photo). After many public denials, Edwards finally admitted to paternity of Hunter’s child in August 2008. Since then, almost everyone involved has said their piece, and it only gets more interesting.
Very little, however, was said by Hunter while this was all going down, which is why Newsweek recently penned a story praising the “quiet dignity” of the mistress of a terminally ill woman’s politician husband.
GQ nabbed her first official words on the matter, a transcribed Q&A that weighs in at nearly 10,000 words (that’s what happens when you hold it in for so long!). Within the interview, she candidly addresses the flaws in others’ accounts, professes her love for Edwards, and talks timeline. In an effort to save you time reading, I’ve boiled her tale down to the important stuff:
1. Hunter calls Edwards “Johnny,” which is apparently the name on his birth certificate.
2. Hunter firmly believes that Mr. Pantsonfire never lies to her.
3. Elizabeth Edwards is scary as shit. She’ll chop your motherfucking dick off.
Filed under: Andrew Young, Bad ideas, Creepy Photos, Elizabeth Edwards, Eww, GQ, HuffPo, John Edwards, Lovechild, MILF? ICK!, Mistresses, Oy, People With No Shame, Politicians, Rielle Hunter, Scandal, Shameful Pictures, Shameless Photo Ops, Speaking Up, Super Tuesday, Terminal Illness
Did too many of Tiger’s low-rent mistresses rise up to tell their tales? Did enough of his sponsors threaten to drop him? We’ll never know. But one of the world’s greatest atheletes has decided to step away from professional golf to focus, finally, on the shit circus that is his life:
I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children. I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness. It may not be possible to repair the damage I’ve done, but I want to do my best to try.
I would like to ask everyone, including my fans, the good people at my foundation, business partners, the PGA Tour, and my fellow competitors, for their understanding. What’s most important now is that my family has the time, privacy, and safe haven we will need for personal healing.
After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf. I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person.
Again, I ask for privacy for my family and I am especially grateful for all those who have offered compassion and concern during this difficult period.
Filed under: Affairs, Apologies, Dayum, Detroying Your Family, Disrespecting Your Wife, Fucking Around, Fuckups, Golf, Hiatus, Homewrecks, Indefinite Hiatus, Infidelity, Life As A Circus, Low-rentitude, Mistresses, Never the Same, Professional Athletes, Sadness, Tiger Woods, Whoopsieeee
British newspaper The Independent reported last week that concubines are making a comecuback in China due to the return of capitalism. This is particularly fascinating to me because my great-great-grandmother was a concubine. She was the only “wife” of my great-great-grandfather able to give him a son–my maternal grandmother’s father–which was considered the socially-acceptable reason to take on a concubine in those days (as opposed to just keeping them around for sex).
But as I read the Independent piece, “Chinese Concubines Return Thanks To Increasing Capitalism,” which cited one corrupt government official after another keeping mistresses and sometimes offering those women kickbacks, I began to wonder what the difference was between a concubine and a mistress. Was it only semantics? Or was there some kind of legal difference?
As it turns out, concubinage has always been differentiated from having a mistress because of its legal status. According to the Reference.com encyclopedia:
Concubines have limited rights of support from the man, and their offspring are publicly acknowledged as the man’s children, albeit of lower status than children born by the official wife or wives; these legal rights distinguish a concubine from a mistress.
Since having concubines has been illegal in China since the founding of the Republic in 1912, why are these modern-day Chinese mistresses being called “concubines”? Why is The Independent insisting that China’s bringing back this “feudal institution”?
Oh right. Because we’re talking about China. Exotic, mysterious, fetish-y, weird, sexually perverse China. Land of half-a-billion sideways vaginas. Got it.
Sometime shame is a shitpile: Like when you become suicidal after getting rejected from your top-choice school. Or when you stop seeing friends entirely because your suffering screenwriter budget won’t allow you to fine dine. Or when your cheerleading coach logs into your Facebook account and airs your dirty laundry with the students and staff, exposing you to years of ridicule. Or when your baby papa leaves you when you’re seven months pregnant for a younger, longer-necked actress. Or when your mother disowns you because you’ve dishonored the family by moving in with a boyfriend/marrying outside of your race/having a baby out of wedlock.
But man, sometimes shame is absolutely good and necessary. It’s the stuff that, properly applied, keeps people from gallivanting with party gals in the south of France while their eight toddlers sit at home. Or from jerking their man’s junk on a hotel balcony for the delight of the paparazzi. Or self-destructing entirely at clubs, parties and Robertson Boulevard as if doing performance art for the blogosphere.
Everyone once in awhile, though, shame is simply complicated.
Recently, a married man in Wisconson with a handful of girlfriends found himself at the center of an ugly coup, hosted by all of his disgruntled lovers.
WAUSAU, Wis. — A married man who planned to rendezvous with one of his handful of lovers at an eastern Wisconsin motel instead found himself bound, blindfolded and assaulted by a group of women out for revenge, according to court documents.
Four women, including his wife, eventually showed up to humiliate the man, who ended up with his penis glued to his stomach in a bizarre plot to punish him for a lover’s quadrangle gone bad, according to the documents filed in Calumet County.
The women involved now face time in the clink for their shameful acts. But let’s talk about everyone involved, and who’s to shame here, for a second:
There’s the dude, who carelessly juggled the women in his life (including the one he exchanged holy vows with) as if they were oranges and not people, which is bullshit. And he ended up catching a beatdown for it, with his wiener glued his gut. Should be ashamed? Definitely. Was the attack on him unacceptable? Yes. But isn’t it kinda hilarious? Sorry, but kinda. I mean hell, it’s not like they cut the fucking thing off…
Then there’s the wife, the true cuckold of the story. No, it wasn’t a good idea for her to get involved in this sick scenario, but her husband was piling at least three other chicks, for crying out loud. It’s humiliating and scarring. She’s not excused, but she certainly had a leg to stand on. Also, I’ve got to give her mad props for getting in cahoots with the ladies to challenge the true adulterer, instead of lashing out at them (they, after all, never put a ring on her finger).
Lastly are the girlfriends, who found themselves subjugated to not only being “the other woman,” but “one of the other women.” What a demotion! The interesting thing about these ladies is the variety of their shame, which I feel might only really be present because they all got caught.
One certainly has her tail between her legs, if only to soften the blow of her reprimand:
“I am disturbed. I am upset. I am having a hard time handling life; an emotional wreck,” Wendy Sewell, 43, of Kaukauna, said in a telephone interview from her home. “I am ashamed.”
But sometimes photos tell a different story. Sewell’s counterpart, “an-other woman” Michelle Belliveau, seems to say it all in her mug shot: