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#Linsanity, The Valentine’s (Or VaLintine’s) Day Edition: Who Should Be Jeremy Lin’s Basketball Wife?
So Linsanity took, what, all of a week to sweep the nation? Now what?
If Jeremy Lin keeps playing the way he’s been playing, he’s going to have to negotiate a much bigger contract when he becomes an unrestricted free agent at the end of the season. (Currently, he makes the league minimum.) But that’s for his sports agent to figure out.
And dude needs a place to live, since he’s currently–and adorably–crashing with his older brother Josh, who’s in dentistry school at NYU. But that’s for his real estate agent to figure out. Preferably after his sports agent figures out where Lin will be playing next year.
After all that, the next thing Lin ought to figure out is who his “And One” will be. Because nothing–apart from a lot of sparkly man-jewelry–says “I’ve arrived” in the NBA quite like a Basketball Wife, a boo to cheer you on when everyone else is, well, booing your sorry ass. And since it happens to be the holiday of
bitterness, loneliness, cliched expressions of affection, flawed diamonds, deli flowers, teddy bears that give you allergies, cheap boxes of chocolates, and crying yourself to sleep, er, LOVE, I’ve taken it upon myself to be Jeremy’s matchmaker. (And, yes, my ten percent cut can totally come in the form of courtside seats.)
Like it or not, at the moment, Jamie is arguably the most famous young Asian American Continue reading #Linsanity, The Valentine’s (Or VaLintine’s) Day Edition: Who Should Be Jeremy Lin’s Basketball Wife?
Filed under: Basketball, Basketball Wives, Beliebers, Girlfriends, Jamie Chung, Jeremy Lin, Jeremy Lin Girlfriend, Khloe Kardashian, Kim Kardashian, Kismet, Linsanity, Love, Matchmakers, Matchmaking, Michelle Wie, My Funny Valentine, NBA, New York Knicks, New York Sports, Rihanna, Rooney Mara, Selena Gomez, Valentine's Day, Vanessa Bryant
Have you heard about Lisa Mei Norton, right-wing Christian conservative country singer/songwriter?
She wants to keep her guns, finds Michelle Malkin and her ilk to be “smart,” thinks we’ve gone socialist, believes Obama wasn’t born here and loves to (tea) party. Oh, and she’s already working on the indoctrinasian of her six-year-old son. Translasian: She watches Fox News.
Filed under: A Revolution's Brewing, Anti-Agin' Asian, Big Dawg, Boobs, Christian Conservatives, Conservatards, Conservatives, Country/Western Singers, Disappointing Your Parents and Your Parent-Country, Enough Already, FOX News is a Joke, God Lovers, Grating Voices, Gung-Ho, Guns, Indoctrinasian, Liberty, Lisa Mei Norton, Logic Is Useless, Michelle Wie, Obama Birth Certificate, Pop Singers with 3rd-Grade Vocabularies, Really Smart People, Right Wing Nutjobs, Ruining Your Children, Singer/Songwriters, Tea Parties, Tea Party Anthem, Teabaggers, What the hell are you people talking about?, Why Does The Tea Party Get So Much Press?
Name: Michelle Wie
Occupation: Student and pro golfer
After becoming the youngest player to qualify for an LPGA tour event at age 12 and turning pro at 16, only to have her career declared “over” by age 18, Michelle Wie’s finally won her first LPGA tour title. Wieeeeeeeeeee!
We’ve been tough on Michelle Wie in the past, particularly when she became better known for her bratty tournament shenanigans than her game, but her win this weekend at the Lorena Ochoa Invitational suggests that the former child prodigy who always wanted to compete with men may have grown up and sacked up over the last few years. Certainly what Wie had to say after her win can be taken as a good sign:
“I think that hopefully life will be a lot better (after this), but I still have a lot of work to do.”
“I still have a lot of work to do”…that’s music to our Hardass Asian Ears!
Filed under: Asian Golfers, Golf, Growing Up, Hardass Asian Expectations, Hawaiians, Korean-Americans, Michelle Wie, Michelle Wie First LGPA Win, Michelle Wie Wins, Punahou School Alumni, Stanford, Winners
Michelle Wie turns 20 this weekend, which means she’ll be one year too old to be considered a provocative “teen athlete” with “lots of potential,” and one step further away from being a young prodigy. Not to be a buzzkill or anything–that’s just what our moms said to us when WE turned twenty. It sucked!
We suppose you can’t fault Michelle Wie for being ambitious. Coming off a much-discussed disqualificasian for not signing her scorecard at the State Farm Classic Saturday, the 18 year-old golfer will be playing with the big boys next week in the Legends Reno-Tahoe Open. It will be Michelle’s eighth time playing on the PGA Tour.
Frankly, we’re worried. A year ago, after she bailed on a few tournaments, we wondered if Michelle wasn’t fast becoming the Anna Kournikova of golf. A whole lotta sizzle but no steak. And now that she’s an adult, no one’s impressed anymore by her merely showing up. We love to see a woman competing against men, but girlfriend’s got to brang it. Otherwise, it’s just another tired old–yes, old–bid for attention.
Happy 18th birthday, Michelle Wie! We know we’ve been a little tough on you in the past, but hey, you’re a superstar and you can take it.
OMG, we just realized that you’re a superstar and you’ve only just turned 18 and you’ve got no worry creases or laugh lines or drinker’s pooch or nicotine stains on your teeth yet, just a career and millions of dollars and the limit of the sky. Ugh. We feel nauseous. We feel old. We feel jealous. We hate you all over again.
Normally, Diana and I are above disgracing children. Child prodigies, in particular, because, first of all, we love a prodigy and wish we had been one ourselves, and second, it’s clear that they already have enough pressure in their lives, especially if you throw in a Hardass Asian Parent or two. But Michelle Wie is three months shy of 18, so we’ve decided to try her ass as an adult.
Kidding! We’re not totally heartless. But, in light of recent events, we feel that what Michelle really needs is some big sisterly tough-love.
You’re talented, smart, and gorgeous. If we were the same age, or in the same town, or chugging beers at the same Stanford keg party, I would hate you. Daggers would be shooting from my slanty eyes in your lofty direction. Thank goodness I’m four years older than you. Okay, maybe a little older. Alright, a lot–but I digress.
Last weekend, when you pulled out of the U.S. Women’s Open after sucking all over the green, citing a wrist injury, the media was not so kind. Here’s a glimpse of some of the headlines I read after your withdrawal:
“Wie and Adu: Has-beens before their prime?”
“Wie’s woes: the year from hell”
“Do they learn nothing from sad decline of Wie?”
“What Is Michelle Wie Doing Out There?”
Ouchers. Why is everyone so pissed at you, you wonder? Allow me to introduce a timeline.
2002-2004 – You become the youngest player to qualify for an LPGA event, the youngest player to make the cut at an LPGA event, and the youngest player to play in a PGA event with the big boys. Ah, first love.
2005 – Is a banner year. You turn pro, place second at the LPGA Championship, and Nike throws millions at you. Life is, like, so rad!
2006 – In July, you play with the boys in the PGA John Deere Classic, but withdraw after the 9th hole, citing heat exhaustion. But was it the heat that got to you, or the fact that you weren’t going to make the cut? Either you were really dehydrated or a really huge drama queen, but you’re taken off the course on a stretcher.
But who cares about all that golf nonsense when Forbes ranks you 74th out of 100 Top Celebutards, and your earnings reach $17 mil, one milsky for each year of your young life?
2007 – You take four months off because of wrist injuries. Is this from too much texting, perhaps? Or too much time counting your millions? You return from rehabbing to play in the LPGA’s Ginn Tribute, a tournament hosted by Annika Sorenstam. But then you suck all over the place, shooting 14 over-par through 16 holes, and withdraw, saying you “tweaked” your wrist again. You’re seen practicing, however, two days later, prompting Annika to say that your withdrawal showed “a lack of class.” You refuse to apologize.
Um, Bad Idea Jeans.
For the U.S. Women’s Open, the second tournament you play in since the Sorenstam debacle, a 12 year-old upstart named Alexis Thompson qualifies.
While you withdraw from the tournament because of your wrists, 8 Korean golfers make it to the top 10 of the tourney. “Seoul Sister” Angela Park places second, and, in action, kind of looks like…
Sports writers declare that you are over at 17, and, worse, that they’re “rooting against” you.
Here’s where DISGRASIAN’s big sisterly advice comes in. Take the summer off and build up those wrists again. Do not go to events unrelated to golf–focusing on your looks instead of your game is a career killer (just ask Anna Kournikova).
Go to Stanford. Rush a sorority or something (I can’t believe I just wrote that). Drink too much Hitachino White Ale or, um, whatever the young ones are drinking these days. Instead of competing with boys, make out with a few. Girls, too. There’s nothing quite like a lesbian lip-lock to defuse a bitchfight. Practice your ass off when no one’s looking.
wishing you love, flowers, and birdies,
Jen and Diana
“Morgan Pressel became the youngest major champion in LPGA Tour history Sunday with a game well beyond her 18 years, closing with a 3-under 69 at the Kraft Nabisco Championship as everyone around her self-destructed.”