You are currently browsing posts tagged with Michelle Malkin
To the angry, inflammatory, right-wing pundits (like Michelle Malkin and Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh), and all of the folks that are losing sleep over the fact that President Obama (gasp!) bowed while shaking the hand of Japanese Emperor Akihito…
…there’s a fascinating new concept we’d like to introduce to you called “SHOWING RESPECT.”
Filed under: Attitude, Change, Conservatards, Conservative Pundits, Controversy, Cultural Diplomacy, Emeror Akihito, Evolution, Global Warming, Japan, Michelle Malkin, President Barack Obama, Respeck, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, The American Way, Uproar, World Relasians
The Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute will release its fifth annual calendar this week, celebrating 2010′s “Great American Conservative Women.” Unlike last year’s “Pretty in Mink” calendar, this one is decidedly more recession-friendly, depicting all 12 women in white shirts and soft lighting.
As for the name of the 2010 calendar, I can only conclude it references the following:
“Great” as in hyperbole, as when calendar girl Michelle Malkin claimed an anti-Obama protest that took place in DC this month was attended by two million people, instead of the 70,000 estimated by the fire department.
“American” as in the opposite of “un-American,” an accusation Miss November Michelle Bachmann leveled at Barack Obama–and certain members of Congress–during his campaign.
And “Conservative” as in gay-hating and other civil rights-denying values, a mission newest calendar addition, Carrie Prejean, Miss October, claims God chose her to carry out.
In an attempt to counter the great Greatness, the American American-ness, and the Conservative Hatey-ness of this calendar, HuffPo is putting together a “Great American Liberal Women” Calendar of its own.
The Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute’s official Facebook Fan Page seems dubious about this counterpunch, however, judging by the wall post they put up on Monday at 1:04 pm:
Yes, it does in fact read: “The Huffington Post is trying to make a “Great American LIBERAL Women” calendar. This might be difficult considering their women look like men *cough*rachelmaddow*cough*.”
Stay classy, you great women, you.
Filed under: 2010 Great American Conservative Women Calendar, Ann Coulter, Carrie Prejean, Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute Calendar, Classy People, Conservatards, Michelle Bachmann, Michelle Malkin
Oh, it’s on.
McCain, in turn, responded via her Daily Beast column Monday, writing, “(I)f people like Michelle Malkin and Ann Coulter think they can bully me into giving up this fight and what I am doing, they are going to be severely disappointed.” Then she threw down the ultimate blogger-to-blogger insult by boasting:
“Malkin has the No. 1 book on The New York Times bestseller hardcover nonfiction list, but I have nearly twice as many Twitter followers as she does. And trust me, Twitter is more of an indication of where young people are than books published by the hyper-conservative publisher Regnery—which will be bringing you Carrie Prejean’s new book and published one of Ann Coulter’s.“
Ahhh sheeeit, Michelle, are you going to take that lying down?!
Meanwhile, my money’s on Meghan McCain in this bitchfight. And here’s why. She might not know a whole lot about the history of her own political party, but a) McCain’s already got a fighting Asian sidekick in her BFF Tila Tequila, who’s a self-professed former “cholo gang” member, and b) I’m pretty sure one thwap from McCain’s tremendous boobs to Malkin’s face would knock tha bitch out cold.
DIANA’S THOUGHT PROCESS WHILE WATCHING MICHELLE MALKIN’S RECENT INTERVIEW WITH MATT LAUER (IN PROMOTION OF HER NEW BOOK, CULTURE OF CORRUPTION):
Boy, am I hungry. I wonder if–Whoa. Wow! Those are some teeth! Jesus H.! Michelle Malkin, you do have some fascinating food grinders in that yapper of yours. Do those teeth even fit in that mouth? You work so hard to just streeeetccchhh the top lip, juuust over the rabbit fronts… Do be do be doooo… Oh crap, I’ve got a split end. Where did I put my small scissors? Ope–there’s the new book. OHYEAH…Rah! Corruption in the White House! That’s a new one! Hmm… Book cover could be more clever, for chrissake. Do better, Michelle! Don’t go hiring these up-and-coming graphic designers, that’s just a kind word for “in college!” Oh man. Choppers. Look at her struggle to keep ‘em covered. Her poor lips must be exhausted. Come to think of it, I’m pretty tired… Oh gosh, I never noticed it before, but Matt Lauer is kind of adorable when he’s befuddled and seething with disgust. He hates her. Look how he just totally fucking hates her crazy face… Oh my. Relax that right foot, Michelle! Relax it! You look like you’re about to get up and do a jig!… Ah… Could totally go for some chiclets right now. So strangely in the mood… Oh Mirkin. Slow the fuck down. Your teeth are getting ahead of you now. You’re motoring through your schtick faster than you can jig!… Anyhoozle… I wonder what Jen’s up to right now. She would hate Malkin’s eyebrows. Heck, I do. This gal is wound up so tight! Ohmygaw I JUST realized what she reminds me of! That smug, long-necked, grim chick in my sixth grade class–What was her name? Leslie? Melissa?–who was always worked into a frenzy before giving presentations; she’d always be so intense and jacked up about speaking that she’d just end up shouting every word at the class like an angry Asian grandma with a failure for a grandson, at all times forcing herself to smile. That smile was like a crack in paint, just WRONG. How creepy was she? Also, what was her stupid name again?… This interview is awkward. So awkward. This is worse than Amy Adams on Letterman the other night… Anyway. I wonder if it takes Michelle Malkin longer to floss than most people. Can she use those floss sticks, still? I bet so. Oh man, Lauer is getting an earful. I bet his ears hurt, cuz creepy-crazy-smile-face won’t stop yelling at him! Oh, look how proud she is of that rhetoric. Look! She can’t wait to go home and write about in her
diary blog. She should spellcheck more. Oh crap, I should spellcheck more, too. Is it spell check? Or spellcheck? I can’t imagine that spellcheck was a word 100 years ago. But hey, I’ve been wrong before. Once or twice. Good gracious, is this over yet? Matt Lauer looks like he’s about to reach over and shake a bitch. Why do female right-wing pundits always open their eyes as wide as saucers? It’s so crackhead! It makes me nervous! Oh lawd. I’m too hungry for this. Thank god it’s over. Where can I get a breakfast burrito right now?
Competitive eating is gross. And, by extension, so are competitive eaters. These are people who train to stretch the stomach muscle and choke back their own vomit, not to mention lethal amounts of foods that you could sort of see eating in large quantities (until you actually see it done) and foods that make you barf in your mouth just thinking of them, like beef tongue, cow brains, and mayonnaise. What drives a person to achieve that? Why in the world would you take the pleasure away from eating only to replace it with…a stopwatch? What does being the world champ of pounding cabbage, like, do for you? The whole thing is just weird.
I’m willing to rethink my position on this, however, because of one “gurgitator”–even that moniker makes me gag–who’s relatively new on the scene. Her name is Juliet Lee (pictured above and below, with Takeru Kobayashi), she’s only been competing since December 2006, and she scarfed down 23 DOZEN CLAMS in six minutes this past Memorial Day to set a new clam-eating world record (yes, there is such a thing).
Oh, and she’s FUCKING HOT. And I, like everybody else, am unfairly fascinated by gross stuff that hot chicks do (in that way, I’m a dude). She has the face of Michelle Yeoh and a hatefully-teensy waist–she weighs in at 105 lbs.–despite her, um, sport. I don’t even mind that she always seems to be wearing a midriff-baring top like some slutty tween girl who wants to be the first in line to bone a Jonas Brother. I’m sure I’d even find her farts charming.
And Juliet seems kinda normal. She has a college degree in geology from her native China, she owns a hair salon, and she has two adorable daughters. (She also lives in the same Maryland town as Michelle Malkin–love to see that eating contest go down.) Did I mention she’s 42 years old?! She could almost make me forget how demented her sport is, how grotesquely contorted competitive eaters’ faces get when they jam 10 hot dogs in their mouths at once, and how, you know, they eat their own puke. Almost.
The NYT editors must have read our letter!
After: Just the kitsch without all of that crazy racial slur baggage
Now if only Michelle Malkin will start taking advice from our letters and off herself. Then we’ll be in great shape.
What’s wrong with this picture? Nothing, if you believe Michelle Malkin, who posed for it at an anti-stimulus rally in Denver this week. If you have a problem with the swastika, you’re just being “hypersensitive,” according to her.
So quit your bitchin’, you emo, touchy-feely liberals. It’s just a swastika. It never hurt nobody!
- waking up
- brushing teeth
- delegating the morning dog walk to her cohabitant
- drinking Perrier
- checking photo comments on Facebook
- writing a Birthday Celebrasian post about an age-defying hottie
- looking in the mirror at her eye bags and wrinkles
- surfing Sephora.com for various eye creams
- finding credit card
- emailing Jen to see what she’s up to
- drinking coffee
- drinking espresso
- dusting off laptop keyboard
- writing lists
Does that, according to Michelle Malkin’s reasoning, make me a “Get Things Done” Republican, a “Get Things Done” Democrat, a “Get Things Undone” Malkinite, or a happy do-nothing nobody?
I… don’t really know.
But I’m sure if I could figure her logic out, I would hate myself.
I’m not a tech-snob or anything, but…
What’s up, party people!!!
Today is my birthday! So far, the best part of the day has been: being met after my birthday coffee and birthday lox & bagel with boxes and boxes of birthday Sprinkles cupcakes, hand-delivered to me by pretty blonde birthday ladies.
The worst part, however, was… finding out that I share my birthday with Michelle Malkin.
If she doesn’t switch birthdays (might I suggest 9/11?) pronto, I’m cracking skulls.
We learned while reading HuffPo today (surprisingly, not our own posts, but others’) that Chickaboomer just confirmed the firing of the Fox News producer responsible for the Michelle Obama “Baby Mama” chyron.
That’s cool and all, but why not boot Michelle Malkin while they’re at it? She’s little and easy to punt.
People here are totally buying the “Diana as a Republican” impersonasian project. It’s so awesome! Yesterday, I even got heckled on the street by two hippies with a camcorder (am I confusing hippies with the Amish, or does that seem kinda wrong to you, too?), who yelled wistfully after me, “Now remember, Republicans are sexist, and you’re a WOMAN!”
I actually found myself getting angry. How dare they assault me for my political beliefs! And for the record, what’s so wrong with drilling in ANWR, and supporting the war in Iraq, and baking a cake for my husband? I couldn’t believe their nerve. So I adjusted my lanyard and RNC credentials, touched the pearls on my neck for strength, and kept walking.
Walking, that is, into the convention hall. Where I met other like-minded individuals, who I prayed with, and Muslim-bashed with, and spittoeyed on women’s and gay rights with. What fun! I was actually sad when it was over.
Until, of course, I met Bill O’Reilly. Even though he was a mean old
dickface goat, it truly was an honor. An honor!
Filed under: Ann Coulter, ANWR, Bill O'Reilly is Satan, Brainwashing, Help Me, Impersonasians, It's Gone Too Far, Michelle Malkin, Proximity to Craziness, Republican National Convention, RNC, Time to Go Home