You are currently browsing posts tagged with Michelle Malkin

DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The Obama Bow-cklash

November 20th, 2009 | 9 comments | Posted by Diana

Obama Bow Japan

To the angry, inflammatory, right-wing pundits (like Michelle Malkin and Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh), and all of the folks that are losing sleep over the fact that President Obama (gasp!) bowed while shaking the hand of Japanese Emperor Akihito…

Kirk Walters Bow Cartoon

…there’s a fascinating new concept we’d like to introduce to you called “SHOWING RESPECT.”

Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The Obama Bow-cklash

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Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute Puts Out Calendar, Believes Liberal Women "Look Like Men"

September 29th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

The Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute will release its fifth annual calendar this week, celebrating 2010′s “Great American Conservative Women.” Unlike last year’s “Pretty in Mink” calendar, this one is decidedly more recession-friendly, depicting all 12 women in white shirts and soft lighting.

As for the name of the 2010 calendar, I can only conclude it references the following:

“Great” as in hyperbole, as when calendar girl Michelle Malkin claimed an anti-Obama protest that took place in DC this month was attended by two million people, instead of the 70,000 estimated by the fire department.


“American” as in the opposite of “un-American,” an accusation Miss November Michelle Bachmann leveled at Barack Obama–and certain members of Congress–during his campaign.


And “Conservative” as in gay-hating and other civil rights-denying values, a mission newest calendar addition, Carrie Prejean, Miss October, claims God chose her to carry out.


In an attempt to counter the great Greatness, the American American-ness, and the Conservative Hatey-ness of this calendar, HuffPo is putting together a “Great American Liberal Women” Calendar of its own.

The Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute’s official Facebook Fan Page seems dubious about this counterpunch, however, judging by the wall post they put up on Monday at 1:04 pm:


Yes, it does in fact read: “The Huffington Post is trying to make a “Great American LIBERAL Women” calendar. This might be difficult considering their women look like men *cough*rachelmaddow*cough*.”

Stay classy, you great women, you.

[The Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute]
[FOX News: "Great American Conservative Women" Calendar PICS]
[The Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute Facebook Fan Page]

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BITCHFIGHT ALERT! Meghan McCain vs. Michelle Malkin

August 11th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Oh, it’s on.


During a live chat Friday on Politico’s The Arena, Malkin–who’s been busy promoting her new Obama-hatin’ book–was asked which conservative commentator “needs to shut up,” and she named Meghan McCain.

McCain, in turn, responded via her Daily Beast column Monday, writing, “(I)f people like Michelle Malkin and Ann Coulter think they can bully me into giving up this fight and what I am doing, they are going to be severely disappointed.” Then she threw down the ultimate blogger-to-blogger insult by boasting:

Malkin has the No. 1 book on The New York Times bestseller hardcover nonfiction list, but I have nearly twice as many Twitter followers as she does. And trust me, Twitter is more of an indication of where young people are than books published by the hyper-conservative publisher Regnery—which will be bringing you Carrie Prejean’s new book and published one of Ann Coulter’s.

Ahhh sheeeit, Michelle, are you going to take that lying down?!

Meanwhile, my money’s on Meghan McCain in this bitchfight. And here’s why. She might not know a whole lot about the history of her own political party, but a) McCain’s already got a fighting Asian sidekick in her BFF Tila Tequila, who’s a self-professed former “cholo gang” member, and b) I’m pretty sure one thwap from McCain’s tremendous boobs to Malkin’s face would knock tha bitch out cold.

[The Daily Beast: My Message for Michelle Malkin]

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With My Mind on My Malkin and My Malkin on My Mind

July 31st, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


DIANA’S THOUGHT PROCESS WHILE WATCHING MICHELLE MALKIN’S RECENT INTERVIEW WITH MATT LAUER (IN PROMOTION OF HER NEW BOOK, CULTURE OF CORRUPTION):

Boy, am I hungry. I wonder if–Whoa. Wow! Those are some teeth! Jesus H.! Michelle Malkin, you do have some fascinating food grinders in that yapper of yours. Do those teeth even fit in that mouth? You work so hard to just streeeetccchhh the top lip, juuust over the rabbit fronts… Do be do be doooo… Oh crap, I’ve got a split end. Where did I put my small scissors? Ope–there’s the new book. OHYEAH…Rah! Corruption in the White House! That’s a new one! Hmm… Book cover could be more clever, for chrissake. Do better, Michelle! Don’t go hiring these up-and-coming graphic designers, that’s just a kind word for “in college!” Oh man. Choppers. Look at her struggle to keep ‘em covered. Her poor lips must be exhausted. Come to think of it, I’m pretty tired… Oh gosh, I never noticed it before, but Matt Lauer is kind of adorable when he’s befuddled and seething with disgust. He hates her. Look how he just totally fucking hates her crazy face… Oh my. Relax that right foot, Michelle! Relax it! You look like you’re about to get up and do a jig!… Ah… Could totally go for some chiclets right now. So strangely in the mood… Oh Mirkin. Slow the fuck down. Your teeth are getting ahead of you now. You’re motoring through your schtick faster than you can jig!… Anyhoozle… I wonder what Jen’s up to right now. She would hate Malkin’s eyebrows. Heck, I do. This gal is wound up so tight! Ohmygaw I JUST realized what she reminds me of! That smug, long-necked, grim chick in my sixth grade class–What was her name? Leslie? Melissa?–who was always worked into a frenzy before giving presentations; she’d always be so intense and jacked up about speaking that she’d just end up shouting every word at the class like an angry Asian grandma with a failure for a grandson, at all times forcing herself to smile. That smile was like a crack in paint, just WRONG. How creepy was she? Also, what was her stupid name again?… This interview is awkward. So awkward. This is worse than Amy Adams on Letterman the other night… Anyway. I wonder if it takes Michelle Malkin longer to floss than most people. Can she use those floss sticks, still? I bet so. Oh man, Lauer is getting an earful. I bet his ears hurt, cuz creepy-crazy-smile-face won’t stop yelling at him! Oh, look how proud she is of that rhetoric. Look! She can’t wait to go home and write about in her diary blog. She should spellcheck more. Oh crap, I should spellcheck more, too. Is it spell check? Or spellcheck? I can’t imagine that spellcheck was a word 100 years ago. But hey, I’ve been wrong before. Once or twice. Good gracious, is this over yet? Matt Lauer looks like he’s about to reach over and shake a bitch. Why do female right-wing pundits always open their eyes as wide as saucers? It’s so crackhead! It makes me nervous! Oh lawd. I’m too hungry for this. Thank god it’s over. Where can I get a breakfast burrito right now?

[via Gawker]

xo, Miz!

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Thing That Make Me Throw Up in My Mouth: Competitive Eating

May 27th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Competitive eating is gross. And, by extension, so are competitive eaters. These are people who train to stretch the stomach muscle and choke back their own vomit, not to mention lethal amounts of foods that you could sort of see eating in large quantities (until you actually see it done) and foods that make you barf in your mouth just thinking of them, like beef tongue, cow brains, and mayonnaise. What drives a person to achieve that? Why in the world would you take the pleasure away from eating only to replace it with…a stopwatch? What does being the world champ of pounding cabbage, like, do for you? The whole thing is just weird.

I’m willing to rethink my position on this, however, because of one “gurgitator”–even that moniker makes me gag–who’s relatively new on the scene. Her name is Juliet Lee (pictured above and below, with Takeru Kobayashi), she’s only been competing since December 2006, and she scarfed down 23 DOZEN CLAMS in six minutes this past Memorial Day to set a new clam-eating world record (yes, there is such a thing).


Oh, and she’s FUCKING HOT. And I, like everybody else, am unfairly fascinated by gross stuff that hot chicks do (in that way, I’m a dude). She has the face of Michelle Yeoh and a hatefully-teensy waist–she weighs in at 105 lbs.–despite her, um, sport. I don’t even mind that she always seems to be wearing a midriff-baring top like some slutty tween girl who wants to be the first in line to bone a Jonas Brother. I’m sure I’d even find her farts charming.

And Juliet seems kinda normal. She has a college degree in geology from her native China, she owns a hair salon, and she has two adorable daughters. (She also lives in the same Maryland town as Michelle Malkin–love to see that eating contest go down.) Did I mention she’s 42 years old?! She could almost make me forget how demented her sport is, how grotesquely contorted competitive eaters’ faces get when they jam 10 hot dogs in their mouths at once, and how, you know, they eat their own puke. Almost.

[Juliet Lee website]

Thanks, Neal!

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Good Timing

March 11th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

The NYT editors must have read our letter!

Before: kitschy “Chinaman” chic

After: Just the kitsch without all of that crazy racial slur baggage

Now if only Michelle Malkin will start taking advice from our letters and off herself. Then we’ll be in great shape.

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Thanks, Crystal!

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Michelle Malkin on the Swastika

February 18th, 2009 | 1 comment | Posted by Jen


What’s wrong with this picture? Nothing, if you believe Michelle Malkin, who posed for it at an anti-stimulus rally in Denver this week. If you have a problem with the swastika, you’re just being “hypersensitive,” according to her.

So quit your bitchin’, you emo, touchy-feely liberals. It’s just a swastika. It never hurt nobody!

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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Do Nothing

January 29th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

STUFF DIANA ACCOMPLISHED TODAY:

  • waking up
  • brushing teeth
  • delegating the morning dog walk to her cohabitant
  • drinking Perrier
  • showering
  • driving
  • sitting
  • checking photo comments on Facebook
  • writing a Birthday Celebrasian post about an age-defying hottie
  • looking in the mirror at her eye bags and wrinkles
  • surfing Sephora.com for various eye creams
  • finding credit card
  • emailing Jen to see what she’s up to
  • drinking coffee
  • drinking espresso
  • dusting off laptop keyboard
  • writing lists
  • hanging

Does that, according to Michelle Malkin’s reasoning, make me a “Get Things Done” Republican, a “Get Things Done” Democrat, a “Get Things Undone” Malkinite, or a happy do-nothing nobody?

I… don’t really know.

But I’m sure if I could figure her logic out, I would hate myself.

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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It Takes Your Picture

November 25th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I’m not a tech-snob or anything, but…

Shouldn’t a 2008 digital SLR snapper being featured on CNN do something that sounds a little more special? Like nanny your children? Or purify water? Or make Michelle Malkin appear less rodent-like?

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Get Outta My Waysian, It’s My Goddamn Birthdaysian

October 20th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

What’s up, party people!!!

Today is my birthday! So far, the best part of the day has been: being met after my birthday coffee and birthday lox & bagel with boxes and boxes of birthday Sprinkles cupcakes, hand-delivered to me by pretty blonde birthday ladies.

The worst part, however, was… finding out that I share my birthday with Michelle Malkin.

Unhappy Birthdaysian Discovery

WHAT!?!?! THE DISGRACE! THE HORROR! (Also, shouldn’t she be a heckuvalot cooler if all of the stars and moon and shit are aligned?)

If she doesn’t switch birthdays (might I suggest 9/11?) pronto, I’m cracking skulls.

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About Friggin’ Time

September 24th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


We learned while reading HuffPo today (surprisingly, not our own posts, but others’) that Chickaboomer just confirmed the firing of the Fox News producer responsible for the Michelle Obama “Baby Mama” chyron.

That’s cool and all, but why not boot Michelle Malkin while they’re at it? She’s little and easy to punt.

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RNC Updasian: The Sham Continues

September 2nd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

People here are totally buying the “Diana as a Republican” impersonasian project. It’s so awesome! Yesterday, I even got heckled on the street by two hippies with a camcorder (am I confusing hippies with the Amish, or does that seem kinda wrong to you, too?), who yelled wistfully after me, “Now remember, Republicans are sexist, and you’re a WOMAN!”

I actually found myself getting angry. How dare they assault me for my political beliefs! And for the record, what’s so wrong with drilling in ANWR, and supporting the war in Iraq, and baking a cake for my husband? I couldn’t believe their nerve. So I adjusted my lanyard and RNC credentials, touched the pearls on my neck for strength, and kept walking.

Walking, that is, into the convention hall. Where I met other like-minded individuals, who I prayed with, and Muslim-bashed with, and spittoeyed on women’s and gay rights with. What fun! I was actually sad when it was over.

Until, of course, I met Bill O’Reilly. Even though he was a mean old dickface goat, it truly was an honor. An honor!

Brainwashed

Now, how can I get in touch with Ms. Coulter and Ms. Malkin, the mavericks of our time? Somebody, help me please!

Um, I mean, really HELP ME. I think this “impersonasian” thing has gone too far. I’m booking a ticket home from the RNC for tomorrow morning, STAT.

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Thanks, Christie and Joeff!

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