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Even If You Hate This Meme By Now You Have To Watch Shit Asian Moms Say

January 22nd, 2012 | 6 comments | Posted by Jen

I’ve kinda hated every new incarnation of Shit [Fill-In-The-Blank] People Say with greater intensity until I saw this video. Maybe it’s cuz Asian Moms are funnier than the rest of us. But this right here is TRUTH:

“NO SHAKY LEG!!!” reminds me of the time my cousin, when she was 7 years old, told me her HAM told her that shaking your leg at the table meant you were a slut. Or, in the words of this vid, someone who goes out “every day tryna have the sex.”

[JustKiddingFilms on YouTube]

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Shit Asian Girls Say: Does It Speak To You?

January 10th, 2012 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

Only just getting around to seeing our version of the Shit Girls Say meme:

What do you think, Asian Girls? Does this shit sound familiar? Reply below in the comments section!

Thanks, Kenny!

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Would You Order From Ching Chong Ling Long Gourmet Takeout?

June 20th, 2011 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

There’s a new Chinese food delivery service in Westwood–home to the UCLA campus–called Ching Chong Ling Long Gourmet Takeout. It’s a collab between The Palace Restaurant in Brentwood and UCLA Munchies, and it’s an Asian-run business. Ching Chong Ling Long Gourmet Takeout’s name, of course, references ex-UCLA student Alexandra Wallace’s YouTube video “Asians in the Library”–wherein she complained about Asian students talking loudly on their cell phones–and the delivery service indirectly addresses the name choice with this statement on its website:

We believe that the best way to combat intolerance is through a positive cultural experience mixed in with a healthy serving of humor, and hope that after you try us, you too will feel that way.

Lord knows we couldn’t argue with that mission statement. And we did love us some of Continue reading Would You Order From Ching Chong Ling Long Gourmet Takeout?

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Alexandra Wallace Knows Jack About The Internet

March 17th, 2011 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

But you already knew that, right? Because if Ms. Wallace had any understanding of how the Interwebz works, she might have anticipated the overwhelming and overwhelmingly negative response her video “Asians In The Library” would receive and nipped–no pun intended–the idea in the bud, continuing her college career instead in the usual quiet, polite, epiphanic-manner in which she’s clearly always conducted herself.

Further evidence of her ignorance–web-related and otherwise–surfaced today in Wallace’s hometown paper, The Sacramento Bee, in which it was revealed that Wallace’s father had written on his Facebook page last Friday morning, around the time Wallace posted the video:

“My daughter wants to start a blog. She’s asking for domain suggestions for ‘Asians on their cellphones in the library!’ She’s shooting videos as I write.”

“ASKING FOR DOMAIN SUGGESTIONS”???

Okay, look. I’m not even taking issue with the fact that she at some point thought making “Asians In The Library” into some kind of serial thing was a good idea or that she thought her dad would be the most appropriate counsel for matters pertaining to the youngs or even that her dad didn’t judge her blog idea to be totally racist and wack and think to intervene with a little fatherly advice–but, while we’re on the subject, what up with that?–I’m taking issue with the fact that THE DOMAIN SUGGESTION WAS RIGHT UNDER HER GODDAMN NOSE AND SHE COULDN’T SEE IT.

Continue reading Alexandra Wallace Knows Jack About The Internet

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Keanu Reeves Is Sad

June 11th, 2010 | 6 comments | Posted by Jen

Have you seen Sad Keanu? He’s EVERYWHERE.

He’s been seen having lunch atop a skyscraper sad:

Sweet sixteen sad:

Awkward family portrait sad:

Continue reading Keanu Reeves Is Sad

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Good News For Asian Drivers Everywhere (Almost)

June 3rd, 2010 | 4 comments | Posted by Jen

Good news for Asian drivers: We aren’t the worst!

Everything in this pic is a joke, except for the tees (available here)

According to a new survey, New Yorkers are.*

*New York Asian drivers…you’re SOL. If it makes you feel better, we Californiasians aren’t far behind you. But let’s focus on the positive, work together, rebrand the hell outta this phenomenon, and make Bad New York Drivers the new meme, K?

[HuffPo: New Yorkers Named Worst Drivers In The Country; Kansas Has The Best]

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Did Aretha’s Inauguration Hat Have More Diva Attitude Than The Queen of Soul Herself?

May 12th, 2010 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

Luke Song, the hatmaker who designed Aretha Franklin’s infamous Inauguration Day hat, is suing several firms he’d previously done business with who’ve copied and sold the hat without his permission. In the federal lawsuit he filed last week, Song alleged:

Moza’s hat worn by Aretha Franklin (hereinafter the “Original Inauguration Hat”) gained instantaneous fame and notoriety, attracting much more media attention than even Aretha Franklin’s performance itself. The Original Inauguration Hat has generated, and continues to generate, worldwide attention. In fact, following President Obama’s inauguration, Luke Song and Moza were featured in prominent newspapers such as The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and Los Angeles Times (Exh. D) The Original Inaugural Hat had immediately become such a cultural icon that it was soon parodied by entertainers such as Ellen DeGeneres because of its lavish and ornate design was so distinctive.

Wonder what Aretha thinks about The Hat upstaging her performance. What do you think? Continue reading Did Aretha’s Inauguration Hat Have More Diva Attitude Than The Queen of Soul Herself?

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The Hipster Grifter: It’s a Thin Line Between Love and Hate

May 4th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

A few weeks ago, we made Kari Ferrell, aka The Hipster Grifter, DISGRASIAN of the Weak. We did so with some ambivalence, because, really, who gives a fuck if some chick ripped off a coupla hipsters? Especially when she was giving away mouth-handjobs to ‘em like ice cream during a summer day power outage?

The update to Kari is that early Monday morning, she turned herself in and is currently in police custody in Philly. But not before she set the record straight on Friday with ANIMAL, granting them a photo shoot and a video confessional, thus extending her 15 minutes of fame/muse-dom/memetic dominance/internet famous-ness/being the blogosphere’s darling:

Here’s what I love about this video:

  1. The girl with $60,000 in outstanding warrants–as a result of forged checks, bad checks, and retail theft–has the audacity to publicly chasten her former employer, Vice magazine, for the $200 they allegedly still owe her.

  2. Though she was an alt-nobody a few weeks ago, who entered public consciousness only because of that New York Observer profile written about her, she implies that the same paper who made the woman, the wo-myth, lacks journalistic integrity for not reaching her for comment.
  3. Then she gives a flirty “What’s up?” to Gawker as though she wants to give the blog which has given her the most press a mouth-handjob. Guess you can’t say homegirl’s totally ungrateful!

I don’t know about you, but I’m totally ready to let this crazazy chick–once she’s served her time, of course–crash on my couch, drink all my booze, and steal my iPhone, just to hear the charming, twisted, trisyllabic random shit that comes out of her mouth, true or untrue.

That is, so long as she stops posing for photos like this. (A samurai sword? Really?)

[ANIMAL: Meet the Hipster Grifter: ANIMAL Spends the Night With Kari Ferrell]

Thanks, Irwin!

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That Chinese Sperm Bank Photo: You’ve Been Shanghaied

March 31st, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

I saw this NSFW photo on BuzzFeed yesterday, allegedly taken at a Shanghai sperm bank:


…and my immediate train of thought was, Yick Yuck What the Fuck Their Sperm Works but Their Hands Don’t Being a Woman Blows. And then that quivery Kate Bush song, “This Woman’s Work,” came on in my head, and I was pissed.

But I conducted a little investigasian today and found that this picture first surfaced on the interwebz in late 2008, and it was immediately dismissed as a hoax by officials at Renji Hospital in Shanghai, where the sperm bank is located. So why, then, does this meme still persist? A coupla theories:

  1. Because the world needs more Asian massage parlor jokes
  2. Because everything in China is wack and fucked-up and backwards, unlike in the West
  3. Because Asians are inscrutable, as are their customs

The only good to cum (yuk yuk, me so funny) out of this photo is that I’m no longer outraged, I’m just bored.

Source

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Perez Hilton Hates Yellow People

July 24th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Ever wonder how an internet meme gets started? Or, for that matter, how it then spreads and metastasizes until it becomes accepted fact?

Over the last week, we’ve seen one particular meme develop about China: “China Hates Black People” (courtesy of Perez Hilton).


This idea didn’t, however, originate with Perez Hilton. It started last Friday with a story in Hong Kong’s South China Morning Post, “Authorities order bars not to serve black people,” which alleged that Chinese government authorities were secretly planning to ban blacks from bars during the Olympic games. Reporter Tom Miller based the story on the claim of one anonymous source:

“Uniformed Public Security Bureau officers came into the bar recently and told me not to serve black people or Mongolians,” said the co-owner of a western-style bar, who asked not to be named.

Then Miller quoted another unnamed source, a “black British national who lives in Beijing,” to further shore up the story:

“Chinese people are prejudiced, but I would have hoped that the government would set a better example as it debuts on the world stage.”

The story was then picked up by legitimate news sources like Reuters, The Globe and Mail, and The Age, and that was before it hit the blog-o-sphere. Four days later, around the same time that the Chinese government officially denied that such a ban existed, Perez Hilton posted the story, et voila…a meme is born. In the two days since and at the time of this writing, 649 comments have been made about Perez’s post, and many of them are loaded with xenophobia, racism, and hate, and not just for the Chinese:


Look. There are plenty of reasons to distrust the Chinese government and not believe a word it says. Free speech does not exist there, dissidents are routinely jailed and silenced, and the government doesn’t pretend to be a democracy. We’re all pretty familiar with its suppressive tactics. Just ask Tibet. As a first-generation Chinese-American, I was raised with a healthy dose of suspicion when it comes to China’s government, because it was the Communists, after all, who chased both sides of my family out of the country, tried to kill my great-grandfather, tossed my great-grandmother into a labor camp for the rest of her life, almost killed my father (the bomb that dropped next to him was, fortunately, a dud), took away my mother’s ancestral home, made one of my uncles a permanent invalid, and generally devastated the lives of everyone I’m related to. My experience teaching in China after I got out of college only confirmed my feelings that this was a country where you couldn’t talk freely and you had to toe the party line and the government had ultimate power.

But I find this story about China banning blacks from bars during the Olympics–and how little it’s been substantiated–very difficult to swallow. China has strong ties to Africa, some of them a bit too strong for my taste (just ask Sudan). Beijing is an international city filled with foreigners. Of course, you will find Chinese people who are prejudiced, racist, and xenophobic. Some of them are my relatives! (During my year-stint there, I met a lovely older teacher who told me he was “afraid of blacks” even though he had never actually met a black person. And where did he get this idea? American movies.)

Kudos to the Shanghaiist for following up the South China Morning Post‘s story with a considerable debunking and especially to Beijing Boyce (“A Somewhat Young China Hand on the Local Drinking Scene”), who did some actual reporting on this and hit many bars in Beijing after the story broke, painting a drastically different picture from the one in the Hong Kong paper.

Still, the Chinese are great at keeping secrets (just ask Calgon). So if this turns out to be true, you know that Diana and I will be first in line to shame the shit out of my mother ship. But, in the meantime, the idea that “China Hates Black People” is out there and, sadly, although it was intended as a commentary on racism, it’s only served to stir up more.

(To contact Perez Hilton, email perez@perezhilton.com)

Source

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