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BITCHFIGHT ALERT! Meghan McCain vs. Michelle Malkin

August 11th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Oh, it’s on.


During a live chat Friday on Politico’s The Arena, Malkin–who’s been busy promoting her new Obama-hatin’ book–was asked which conservative commentator “needs to shut up,” and she named Meghan McCain.

McCain, in turn, responded via her Daily Beast column Monday, writing, “(I)f people like Michelle Malkin and Ann Coulter think they can bully me into giving up this fight and what I am doing, they are going to be severely disappointed.” Then she threw down the ultimate blogger-to-blogger insult by boasting:

Malkin has the No. 1 book on The New York Times bestseller hardcover nonfiction list, but I have nearly twice as many Twitter followers as she does. And trust me, Twitter is more of an indication of where young people are than books published by the hyper-conservative publisher Regnery—which will be bringing you Carrie Prejean’s new book and published one of Ann Coulter’s.

Ahhh sheeeit, Michelle, are you going to take that lying down?!

Meanwhile, my money’s on Meghan McCain in this bitchfight. And here’s why. She might not know a whole lot about the history of her own political party, but a) McCain’s already got a fighting Asian sidekick in her BFF Tila Tequila, who’s a self-professed former “cholo gang” member, and b) I’m pretty sure one thwap from McCain’s tremendous boobs to Malkin’s face would knock tha bitch out cold.

[The Daily Beast: My Message for Michelle Malkin]

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Tila Tequila Is a Smart, Coherent, NY Times-Reading, Possible Party-Switching Beheaded Martyr

May 28th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

I think it’s wonderful that Tila Tequila is finally doing something with her celebrity, by appearing in a NoH8 PSA released this week in response to the CA Supreme Court’s disappointing ruling on Prop 8 and blogging her support for gay marriage (for which she has received quite a bit of grief, see below).

Does this signal the dawn of a new-and-improved Tila Tequila? Well, after reading Tila’s blog post, “My Thoughts on Prop 8 Situation,” and her Tweets that followed, I can confidently conclude the following:

Tila’s a MARTYR FOR THE CAUSE!

The first thing I did was make a few tweets about it on my twitter page(www.twitter.com/OfficialTila). Immediately, I received an outpouring response from angry people. I felt as though I was being burnt as stake or beheaded for voicing my opinions, and I still stand tall in my beliefs. I guess times have not changed much because I very much so believe that this is TODAY’s version of “beheading” someone. Some people even had the nerve to call me “RACIST” for whatever their reasoning is just because I was disapointed in PRESIDENT OBAMA in his decisions for not supporting Gay Marriages.from Tila’s post, “My Thoughts on Prop 8 Situation,” reposted to Global Grind


She’s the VOICE OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE!

Now may I ask you all, what is the point of being in the “PUBLIC EYE” if you don’t have a voice or use that medium and take advantage of that outlet to speak your mind? I am not trying to harm anyone, nor am I trying to start a War. I am simply trying to voice my opinions on why I believe it is important for all human beings to have Equal rights. No where else in this world can I come to a new country as an immigrant, and yet be able to build a platform for myself, becoming an AMERICAN CITIZEN and having the ULTIMATE AMERCAN DREAM! Where else in this world can I enjoy such fresh freedom such as I do here? Only in AMERICA!from “My Thoughts on Prop 8 Situation,” reposted to Global Grind

She’s a PARAGON OF COHERENCE!


She’s a NY TIMES READER!


She’s a FUTURE REPUBLICAN!


She’s…she’s…

Wait, what were we talking about here? Something having to do with gay marriage? I got so distracted thinking about martyrs, beheadings, Joan of Arc, the fact that I haven’t read the NY Times today (unlike some other very smart people), and tooting one’s own horn, I totally spaced on the real subject at hand.

[Global Grind: "My Thoughts on Prop 8 Situation.."]
[Tila Tequila Official Twitter Feed]

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Tequila and McCain Go Together Like Ramma Lamma Lamma Ka Dinga Da Dinga Dong

April 7th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


Recently, after Tila Tequila shared lunch with John McCain’s daughter, Meghan, much speculation rippled across the Interwebz about such an unlikely pairing–what could those two possibly have to talk about?

Tequila clarified things about her “really good friend” to Us Magazine:

“People may think we are so different, but she is a Scorpio and I’m a Scorpio, and we have very strong opinions about things.”

And you know what, I now completely understand what she means. Jen and I have been “really good friends,” like triple-time-super-sista-BFF4EvaNEvas, for quite awhile, and it’s no secret why. Jen’s Asian and I’m Asian, she likes stuff and I like stuff, we’ve both read some books, we both like dinner, we both own couches, we both live in California! I mean, if we’re NOT an obvious match, I don’t know who is.

[Us Magazine: Tila Tequila on Meghan McCain]

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"Ladies" Who Lunch

April 2nd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana
Tila Tequila and Meghan McCain finish lunch
at Hollywood’s Chateau Marmont, March 28

MEGHAN: I’m really glad we did this, Tila.

TILA: Me too! Thanks for buying lunch.

MEGHAN: Well, you said you couldn’t find your wallet.

TILA: Oh! Um, yeah!

MEGHAN: Um, you’re welcome.

TILA: You have a lot of dough though, right? I mean your mom’s totally loaded.

MEGHAN: Well I don’t really like to talk about money.

TILA: Oh. Why?

MEGHAN: I’ve always heard it’s kinda tacky. Kinda like talking smack about your dad’s first family when they’re not around to defend themselves. Not like my mom does that or anything.

TILA: Hunh.

MEGHAN: Hunh.

TILA: Hey, did you buy your boobs?

MEGHAN: Excuse me?

TILA: God, you must have bought really expensive ones. They’re so real, it completely looks like it’s all real fat in there.

MEGHAN: Er, yeah, my breasts are real.

TILA: Oh my gaw! Praise the lawd Jesus! I love ‘em! You’ve got awesome tits, girl.

MEGHAN: Thank you. Everybody loves my boobs.

TILA: I just want to stuff my face in them and then make out with your thighs for my vlog. And then take you home to meet my parents.

MEGHAN: I, uh, okay.

TILA: And gaw, I’m like, just so glad we hooked up on Twitter! Ha… you can actually say “I hooked up with Tila Tequila… on Twitter.”

MEGHAN: Yeah… I… could?

TILA: It’s just that when I found that you like, fully looked up to me, I just sooooo wanted to like, reach out, like to a little sis or an um, like, rabid fan, or whatever. I can’t believe you’re my rabid fan! I love that!

MEGHAN: Oh girl, I love you. But I don’t know if you could call me a “rabid fan,” per se. It’s not really like that. I just think it’s cool that you–

TILA: Make out with chicks.

MEGHAN: Well, not–

TILA: Have beautiful, big tits.

MEGHAN: I mean–

TILA: Hate the gooks.

MEGHAN: You–wait, what?

TILA: You wanna “If You Seek Amy!” Girrrrl!!!

MEGHAN: Um, Tila, I think I might just going through a rebellious stage. I hate my parents. My mom’s a robot.

TILA: Mine too!

MEGHAN: That’s awesome.

TILA: I know. So annnyways, when I realized we were going to lunch, I was like, we’re gonna dress all ladylike, right? So I’m gonna wear a little black dress and my classiest stilettos! And then I was all like, ohmigosh. Pearl necklace. I’ve gotta wear a pearl necklace!

MEGHAN: Are those… pearls?

TILA: Well, I mean, kinda! Anyway, pearl necklaces are like my favorite thing. If you know what I mean! [snorts]

MEGHAN: Yes, I think I do. Hey, not to get or technical or anything, but I think those balls on your necklace are more accurately meant to appear “pearl-like.”

TILA: [suddenly emotional] Girl, don’t hate.

MEGHAN: What??

TILA: Are you being a hater?

MEGHAN: I… I’m sorry, what?

TILA: I have suffered so much hardship in my life already. And when you’re on top [snorts], people just want to take you down. They wanna be haters! And I say, fuck the haters!

MEGHAN: Tila, I’m not… I’m not hating.

TILA: Fuck the haters! Don’t be a hater! Don’t breaka my stride, girl! Don’t hate!

MEGHAN: I just spent two-hundred bucks on lunch. Why would I hate?

TILA: Girl, don’t talk about money. That’s just tacky.

MEGHAN: I just told you that!

TILA: Bitch, please! [whips out Blackberry]

MEGHAN: What are you doing?

TILA: I’m tweeting this.

MEGHAN: Oh my fucking God. You’re like a goddamn Twitter addict!

TILA: Yeah, I twitter a lot, ho! Right now I’m saying that you’re a cunty, money-grubbing, hater bitch. Should show up on your phone in a second. Oh, and now I’m saying that you take the Lord’s name in vain.

MEGHAN: Oh my god, you’re a full-on psycho.

TILA: Right now I’m tweeting that you’re a full-on psycho.

MEGHAN: I hate you.

TILA: I didn’t vote for your dad.

MEGHAN: Who cares? Neither did I!

TILA: I’m tweeting that.

MEGHAN: AUGHHHHHHH! [exits]

[Us Magazine: Meghan McCain Goes to Lunch With MTV's Tila Tequila]

Thanks, Jasmine!

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Twila Twequila

March 30th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


Tila Tequila Twitters. A lot. She joined less than two weeks ago and has already posted over 500 updates and has 67,000+ followers at last count. She claims not to have a ghost Twitterer microblogging for her, but she also claimed to be bisexual just in time for–tada!–her bisexual dating show on MTV, so make of that what you will.

That said, Tila’s Twitter feed is her most interesting work to date. Here are the top ten things I’ve learned from “Twila”:


See what I mean? Pretty entertaining stuff. Who knows if a word of it is true, except for the part about Jared Leto being a cunt. That I would never dispute.

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Sign O’ the Times

October 3rd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Seen this week on McCain Blogette, Meghan McCain’s “Musings and Pop Culture on the Political Trail” blog:

Shannon Bae, filmmaker and member of Meghan’s blog “team,” in Sacramento

I really don’t care who people vote for. Okay, maybe I care a little, but what I’m mostly concerned with is that people care about who they themselves are voting for. That’s why I find the homemade sign “KOREANs 4 McCAIN” (pictured) so appalling. To put it mildly, it is a piece of dogshit. The “s” tacked on to the end of “KOREAN” suggests one of two rather dismal possibilities: 1) there is only one “Korean 4 McCain” in Sacramento, and he/she only realized after beginning to make the sign that honestly representing that reality would be soul-crushing, or 2) the signmaker is a piss-poor planner (which, frankly, is not very Asian). Either way, nothing explains why the signmaker didn’t, upon realizing his/her mistake, chuck that poster in the trash–or why there are random polka dots (or stars?) haphazardly scattered on it for “flair”–and make a bigger, badder, and more bitchin’ sign for their candidate.

Now, let’s talk about the font. It looks suspiciously like a half-hearted attempt at Chinese Take-Out script that was abandoned midway for a wholly uncompelling reason. Like, suddenly the signmaker realized that his/her frozen-then-reheated lasagna had been languishing in the microwave for twenty minutes and was perhaps now cold. Or that The Mentalist was on and Simon Baker is probably enough of a reason to watch the second episode of CBS’ panty-dropping procedural even though the first was comically awful. Or that, okay, the signmaker has finally run out of clean underwear, and the laundry simply couldn’t wait another day.

And I haven’t even begun to weigh in on the “CHINESE-AMERICANS ♡ MCCAIN” poster in the background. You may not be able to tell, but the heart between “Chinese-Americans” and “McCain” is made of glitter. It’s difficult to make that out because those sparkly bits were applied so stingily that I can only assume the person who made the sign actually hearts nothing. Because glitter = love. Glitter = joy. And perhaps most importantly, glitter = excess. And if Chinese-Americans really ♡ed John McCain and wanted to make that statement shimmer, I’m pretty sure, as both a card-carrying Chinese-American and a glitter-lover, that their poster would have looked something like this:


Of course, there’s always the possibility that these signs look like key-rap because the people who made them aren’t totally totally “4 McCain,” and their “♡s” aren’t really in this. In which case, well, that explains everything.

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Meet the McBoobs

September 16th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

This People magazine hit newsstands last Friday, promising an “intimate look” at would-be First Family, the McCains:


As you can see, it’s called “Meet the McCains,” but a more apt headline might be…

MEET

MEGHAN MCCAIN’S

BOOBS


Dear god, they’re about to eat Bridget’s head! Run, Bridget, run!

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