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Jen and I have spent countless hours writing together at DISGRASIAN HQ, and boy can it be tough. It takes a lot to get us through the intense zeitgeist filtration–many therapy seshes are clocked in, lots of vices indulged, handfuls of anti-anxiety and performance enhancing (we feel you, MLB) pills popped. But the thing that really gets us through it all is afternoon booze. Where the hell would we be without the three-martini lunch? Okay, it’s not always martinis. We go through Bloody Mary phases, and mmm do we love Armagnac, and rose wine when it’s seasonal, and it’s always time for scotch. Always.
The point is, afternoon liquor is a savior, kind of like sweet Baby Jesus on a bad day. The ladies of DISGRASIAN simply encourage the drinking lunch. We can’t imagine getting through the day without it (we may as well have grown up in Connecticut!) and hope that no one ever has to.
Yes, technically that makes us alcoholics. Oh go blow yourself if you’re judging us. We’ve written some fucking funny stuff through the inebriasian.
So when we heard about the Chinese liquor ban in the city of Xinyang in Henan province, that essentially prohibits public servants and Communist Party officials from taking their 3-bev lunches, we almost pyyyuuuked. And when we found out that Chinese liquor firms, some of whom have lost a third of their sales due to the ban, were fighting this bullshizz… well, we immediately know whose team we were on. Public servants and Communist Party officials deserve a break today, y’know?
Fight on, Boozers! We’re with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Happy 33rd Birthday to DISGRASIAN Hall-of-Shamer Masi Oka! We still can’t believe that after 289,080 minutes of life (we figured the math out in our heads just like you would), you haven’t quite gained the poise and cool to make you, well, very cool at all–but when it’s your birthday we do our best to be nice. So we hope you throw down many a martini tonight…and hang out with your nicest friends… and hit on some hot ladies with a successful outcome. Just cut loose, and try not to make a fool out of yourself, even though that may be difficult.
Was that nice enough?