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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The Bachmann Tea Party Signs
HuffPo has culled together the best-spelled worst of the worst protest signs from Michele Bachmann’s Tea Party yesterday, which was designed to “scare members of Congress” into voting against healthcare reform.
Our top three:
Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The Bachmann Tea Party Signs
Filed under: American Idiots, Congress, Conservatards, Dubious Comparisons, Genocide, Health Care Bill Public Option, Healthcare, Healthcare Reform, Idiots, Jackholes, Mao Zedong, Michele Bachmann, Protests, Scary Shit, Sharing The Country, Tea Parties, The Holocaust, This is Bullshit, What The Hell Are These People Talking About?
Glenn Beck On Why Doing Good Is Oh-So Bad
Glenn Beck continues to uncover the ugly truth about the Obama administration’s dastardly plots to change this home of the free and land of the brave into… “Mao’s China.”
Dissenters, prepare to be tortured for pleasure, thrown into war, tossed into labor camps, and–if you’re lucky–chased out of the country.
Where does the totalitarian state of America begin? Apparently, with volunteerism–which should most certainly not be encouraged by influentials or public figures or leaders of any sort, because that’s propaganda, y’know, like in Mao’s China–where Disney also offered people free passes for a day of good-doing.
Beck argues that volunteering is only good if a person wanted to do it anyway. And even though most of us in his “most generous” America are selfish fucks–who don’t want to pay for our peers’ health care, weep at the thought of losing a tax break, guzzle as much gas/grease/booze as will fit into our bloated lives, and don’t care that this country is burning down to the ground while taking each one of us fat, egocentric, xenophobic, ignoramuses down with it–the most important thing in these tough times is that not to lift this country to a better place, but to assure that nobody’s makin’ us do fuckin’ nothin’ (Ya hear me, Obama?!!?)!!! Especially nothin’ good. Or fer free.
NOTHIN’!
But that’s missing the point! We’re talking about Mao’s China here! Which is something to make light of, like Beck’s little stage friend here:
“SERVE OR DIE!”[Examiner: Glenn Beck Says Volunteerism Is 'Like Living In Mao's China']
Filed under: American Idiots, Chairman Mao, Communist China, Community Service, Comparisons, Conspiracy Theories, Glenn Beck, Glenn Beck Is A Fuckhole, Mao Zedong, Patriotism is Cool, Propaganda, Seriously?, Volunteer Work, Vounteerism
BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! The People’s Republic of China
October 1, 2009 marks the 60th anniversary of the founding of the People’s Republic of China. For many Chinese around the world, this day is without a doubt a joyous occasion, as they celebrate how far the Mother Ship has come in the last 60 years, from a fragmented political state torn apart by colonialism and civil war in the years leading up to the PRC’s founding, to the mighty powerhouse it is today, boasting the world’s third largest and fastest-growing economy. It’s virtually impossible, in fact, to talk about China’s many achievements in the year 2009 without invoking the words “biggest” and “best.” (How about them Olympics last year?!)
Fireworks over Mao, Shandong Province, October 1, 2009 (Getty Images)But forgive me if I don’t bust out the party–or should I say “Party” as in Communist Party?–noisemakers. Because 2009 also marks the 60th anniversary of my family’s forced exodus from China. Somewhere in Guangdong Province, in my father’s ancestral village, there’s a book with 20+ generations of Wangs recorded in it, and, for my particular branch of the family, it ends with my father and his siblings. So today doesn’t feel like a birthday so much as a death day, the end of my bloodline as it existed in one place and one place only, for centuries.
For other people who feel ambivalent about the PRC’s 60th birthday, like the Tibetan protesters gathered outside the Empire State Building Wednesday night who objected to it being lit up red and yellow, or the Chinese dissidents silenced in mental hospitals and jails, or the student leaders of the Tiananmen Square protests (which also had an anniversary this year, its 20th), their grievances against the PRC are much more immediate. Let’s not forget, the Chinese government still has a lousy human-rights record. Against its own people. You know, the People to whom the Republic of China allegedly belongs?
I’m not going to totally piss on the PRC’s birthday though. Because the thing is, if my family hadn’t ended up on the losing end of a civil war and been forced to flee so that the People’s Republic of China could come into being, I probably wouldn’t be here writing this. And even if I had still somehow found my way into this world but been born and raised in China like all of my ancestors, I know I couldn’t be writing this.
Filed under: China, Chinese Dissidents, Communist China, Mao Zedong, People's Republic of China, People's Republic of China 60th Anniversary, PRC, Tibet
The Three R’s
Cameron Diaz apologized this week after being snapped in Machu Picchu, Peru, carrying a bag with a red star on it that read “Serve the People” in Chinese. The slogan was one of Mao Zedong’s most famous proletariat–and utterly hypocritical–rallying cries. Maoist Peruvian rebels known as the Shining Path fought their government in the 80’s and 90’s and killed an estimated 70,000 people.
Oopsee!
If I thought Cammy didn’t fully resemble the airhead character assASSination Suckfia Coppola made of her in Lost in Translation–the only thing about that movie that didn’t reek–I would write her a letter. But I’m pretty sure Cammy can’t read, which is why I’m here to review the fundamentals of learning, also known as the three R’s: Reading,’Riting, and ‘Rithmetic.
Rule #1: Reading
If you cain’t read it, don’t wear it.
“Y’all I cain’t read this! Does it say chicken or tuna? My head hurts!”Rule #2: ‘Riting
If you cain’t read it, don’t ‘rite it down. On your body. Permanently.
Remember when Britney got a tattoo that she thought was Chinese for “mysterious” but, instead, it turned out to be “strange”? Wow. What a sign of things to come.
Rule #3: ‘Rithmetic
If you cain’t count the number of people your favorite dictator has had killed, don’t hang him in your living room.
The price this Warhol fetched at auction in 2006 = $17.4 million
The number of people who died under Mao’s rule during the Great Leap Forward = 30 million
The ratio of deaths to dollars = 1.72 to 1
Lesson learned? Racial drag is for retards.
Class diss-missed!
Filed under: Britney Spears, Cameron Diaz, Can We Stop Bitching and Moaning about Chinglish Now?, Dumb Blondes, Educasian, Jessica Simpson, Mao Zedong, Racial Drag
Crime and Institutionalizement
The Chinese police have detained a man who threw a burning object at the giant Mao Zedong portrait on Tiananmen Square Saturday. The slightly-crispy portrait was immediately replaced with an exact replica.
The not-at-all-menacing-sounding Beijing Public Security Bureau issued a report describing the vandal:
Gu Haiou, (is) a 35-year-old from the far-northwest region of Xinjiang…
Gu was a patient in a mental hospital in the city of Urumqi last year and arrived in Beijing on Saturday, the report said.
In their coverage of the story, Reuters reported on another Mao-defacing incident in recent-ish memory and its resulting punishment:
Chinese journalist Yu Dongyue was jailed for more than 16 years for hurling eggshells filled with red paint at the Mao portrait at the height of the 1989 demonstrations.
He was diagnosed as mentally ill by the time he was released in February 2006.
Conclusion? People who dislike Mao are key-razy. What a coincidence.
Filed under: Beijing is Burning, China, Funny Farms, How Convenient, Mao Zedong, Portraits, Unfunny Stuff
