DISGRASIAN™

Asian Foods Hate Jeremy Piven

First, sushi and Chinese herbs tried to poison Jeremy Piven, forcing the Entourage actor to drop out of David Mamet’s Speed-the-Plow last December.

Then, the 44 year-old was photographed in Malibu with full-on man boobage this September, which he recently blamed on a 12 cups-a-day soy milk habit.

Oh, Asian Foods. Why do you hate the Pivert so?

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Thanks, Gary!

Filed under: Cheeseballs, Douchebags, Gynecomastia, HBO Entourage, Hormones, Jeremy Piven, Man-Boobs, Mercury Poisoning, Moobs, Soy Milk, Sushi, Sushi Eaters, The Pivert

Yoko’s Onos

Since Yoko Ono was honored with a National Arts award last night for “Outstanding Contributions to the Arts,” I’m only going to say nice things about her (instead of focusing on, say, her goofy, netted top hat, a fashion trend inexplicably on the rise).

So here goes. YOKO ONO HAS A REALLY NICE RACK. If you just vomited your Cheerios, bear in mind as you mop up your computer and Listerine your mouth that those boobs are 75 years old. A little perspective: they were born the year Hitler became, well, Hitler. They came into the world during the Great Depression (perhaps now we should call it “The First Great Depression”), and they pre-date television, as in those are radio play-era tits, okay? They’re even older than John McCain, whose man-boobs I hope to never see. Sure, the left one appears to be pushing in on the right one a bit, trying to get a little more attention (the Yoko to the right one’s John), but other than that, they’re impressively smooth, unveiny, and aloft. I’m charmed, too, by the fact that a septuagenarian such as Yoko has the chutzpah to flaunt her knockers. There’s something very dirty old lady about that, like her boobs aren’t at all ready for the nursing home and, instead, they’re ready to party like it’s 1949.

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Filed under: Boobies, Boobs, Breasts, Dirty Old Ladies, Knockers, Man-Boobs, National Arts Award, Old Boobs, Septuagenarians Who Rock, Tatas, Tits, Top Hats, Yoko Ono