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Happy 18th birthday to Mao Asada, who is currently the top-ranked figure skater in the world! We truly envy all of the achievements you’ve tucked under your belt before today–no, wait, we envy your skinny legs and ability to live out our mothers’ gold-medal ice dreams. Augh!
Come visit us in America! You’re old enough to buy cigarettes and watch dirty movies here; what better way to celebrate?
Barack Obama, at 45, has an undergraduate degree in political science with an emphasis on international relations, and a magna cum laude Juris Doctorate from Harvard Law School. He was elected the first black president of the Harvard Law Review, spent years as a community organizer with Chicago’s Developing Communities Project and Gamaliel Foundation, founded the successful Illinois Project Vote! (which registered 150,000 African-American voters), became a United States Senator shortly after turning 40, delivered the keynote address at the Democratic National Convention in 2004, and has published two best-selling books. On top of that, he is happily married with two beautiful daughters.
Even my parents feel like he couldn’t really excel more, except perhaps by becoming leader of the free world, which, uh…he may just accomplish by year’s end.
So tell me, Muammar Gaddafi, why Senator Obama has any reason to be considered a “black man with an inferiority complex?” The “complex” concept alone is arcane and insulting, especially coming from an African brother.
Regardless, and I think it goes without question, Obama seems pretty fuckin’ superior to me.