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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Bobby “Birther” Jindal Proves He’s A US Citizen And A Gaping Asshole

May 13th, 2011 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Brown People, take note. In the future heretofore, you will be required to submit your birth certificate when seeking or holding public office in the United States of America. Only long-form birth certificates will be considered valid. In addition to providing the necessary documents when seeking public office, you will be required to submit your driver’s licenses when operating a motor vehicle, even lawfully (known colloquially as “Driving While Brown”), and two forms of identification when attempting to buy flat-screen TV’s larger than 48″, fireworks where the sale of fireworks is legal, Sudafed, short-haired cats, luxury aquariums, foreign-made cigarettes, and ice cream in gallon-sized tubs as opposed to pints.

Why, you ask, Brown People? Because you WANT so many things. You want the feeling of belonging in this country, the feeling that you aren’t alien or foreign, that you’re a native son and not some brother from another planet.

And everyone knows these are things that traditionally belong to White People.

Moving forward, Brown People, please take a page from the book of Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal. While Governor Jindal is, in fact, a Brown Person like you, he still recently supported legislation that casts suspicion on the belongingness of Brown People. Why, you ask, Brown People? Especially when it boomeranged back to Governor Jindal and cast suspicion on Jindal himself, resulting in the governor having to produce his own birth certificate to prove that he’s a citizen?

Because Bobby Jindal believes that being asked to produce your birth certificate to prove you’re a U.S. citizen when you hold public office and you are Brown isn’t racist.

Why, you ask? My goodness, you People have so many questions. If you ask any more, I’ll be forced to ask for your papers. Besides, I think the answer is very, very simple.

[HuffPo: Bobby Jindal Birth Certificate Released (PHOTO)]
[Reuters: Louisiana governor Jindal caught in birther flap]

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Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian

July 7th, 2010 | 1 comment | Posted by jasmine

Haters to the left

Olivia Munn haters can Suck It! [New York Magazine]

Bobby Jindal signs a bill to allow churchgoers to pack heat. What the hell kinda sermons are being served up down there? [Think Progress]

Mariqueen Maandig and husband Trent Reznor of How To Destroy Angels are expecting. I bet the baby shower is going to be sick.  Blabbermouth]

Didn’t make The New Yorker‘s list of top 20 writers under 40? Maybe you made Disco Rick‘s list of top 10 strippers under 40 instead! [The Z List via Interweber]

Adorbs baby puppy and baby human? We’ll take two. [nickholmes.tumblr.com]

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Rep. Joseph Barton (R-TX)

June 18th, 2010 | 4 comments | Posted by Diana

Oh, how that sneaky Rep. Joseph Cao (R-LA) toys with our emotions! We never know how we’re gonna feel about him (okay, pretty sure we love the guy–but he sure can bum us out) on any given day. He’s always so full of surprises!

Earlier this week, during BP America President Lamar McKay‘s public shaming congressional testimony regarding the Gulf oil spill, Cao said what we’re sure lots of people are thinking, but would never say aloud:

From HuffPo:

“Mr. Stearn asked Mr. McKay to resign. In the Asian culture we do things differently. During the Samurai days, we would just give you a knife and ask you to commit Hari-Kari [sic]. My constituents are still debating on what they want me to ask you to do, but that being said, the cleaning up process has been a disgrace and the claims process has been dismal…”

Of course the comments were extreme and Cao has since stated that they were meant only to convey his level of frustration with BP, but dayum! We couldn’t have scripted his words better if we tried ( okay, we did try, but it wasn’t any better).


Rep. Joseph Barton (R-TX), on the other hand, did the opposite this week. When it was his turn to speak during BP CEO Tony Hayward’s public shaming congressional testimony, he said what nobody else would say aloud, and uh, NOBODY ELSE WAS THINKING:

Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Rep. Joseph Barton (R-TX)

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Anh “Joseph” Cao

November 9th, 2009 | 3 comments | Posted by Diana
An R Prioritizing America's Health Over Party Lines

An R Prioritizing America's Health Over Party Lines

Louisiana’s Joseph Cao–our favorite centrist Republican–has proven once again that although he probably belongs on our side of the fence, he’s totally doing some good shit on his.

The Affordable Health Care for America Act, also known as H.R. 3962, passed in the house yesterday with a vote of 220-215. Historic.

The only Republican to vote for the bill was Cao, who has a strong background of breaking party lines, and has now made an indelible mark on the epic nationwide health care debate—a strong move for someone in his first year in Congress.

We may have underestimated Cao before, but we aren’t any longer. This fearless muthafucka is definitely one to keep our eyes on for the long haul!

[CNN: House Passes Health Care Reform Bill]
[Bloomberg: Cao’s Health-Care Vote Puts Endangered Republican ‘On the Map’]

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Thanks, Abe, Cate, Dave and Jasmine!

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Anti-Miscegenation Justice Of The Peace Resigns

November 3rd, 2009 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

Remember Keith Bardwell? The Louisiana Justice of the Peace who refused to marry Beth Humphrey and Terence McKay, because she’s white and he’s black, and Bardwell thought the union would be bad for their future children?

alg_early-show_keith-bardwell-1

Well, his ugly, old, racist ass just resigned.

That’s what we call “justice.” That’s what we call “peace.”

[AP: La. justice quits after interracial wed flap]

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We Want Justice For Justice Of The Peace Keith “Anti-Miscegenation” Bardwell

October 19th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Dear Louisiana Judicial Review Board,

Please do the right thing and kick this no-talent, no-account, oatmeal-y, quadruple-chinned, unapologetic, unlawful, unconstitutional, ugly-ass, racist Jabba the Hutt motherfucker to the curb.


Thank you so much for your time.

respectfully,

DISGRASIAN

[CNN: Justice stands by refusal to give interracial couple license to wed]
[The Hill: Jindal, Landrieu call for judge's removal]

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Rep. Joseph Cao Is One Of Us And We Don’t Mean “Asian”

September 18th, 2009 | 1 comment | Posted by Jen

Rep. Joseph Cao (R-LA) was one of only 7 Republicans in the House who broke across party lines Tuesday and voted to rebuke South Carolina Republican Joe Wilson for shouting “You lie!” during Obama’s health care speech to Congress last week. The 240-179 vote in favor of rebuking (love that word, so hardass) Wilson came after Wilson refused to deliver a formal apology from the House floor.

Rep. Joseph Cao with his daughters Betsy and Sophia before the swearing in of the 111th Congress

The Daily Beast posted a terrific piece about Cao following the vote, calling him both “the most endangered Republican in the House,” because he comes from a largely Democratic district in New Orleans, and “among the most White House-friendly Republican politicians in the country.” It suggested that Cao may be the only member of the GOP who’ll support Obama’s health care plan and also quoted the Louisiana lawmaker as saying:

(Republicans) have to be approachable to the average American family. We have to be approachable to the average American. Unfortunately, I don’t believe our message has been that. It’s been somewhat anti-immigrant, it’s been oftentimes too pro-business and anti-family.

In other words, Cao votes with Democrats, supports Obama, and wants to put immigrants (like himself) and families before big business? Dude. If it looks like a Democrat, swims like a Democrat and quacks like a Democrat, then it probably is a Democrat.

Come over to our side already, Rep. Cao!

(P.S. Your wife, Kate, is too hot to be a Republican, anyway.)

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Bobby Jindal

July 3rd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana



“Hello America! I’m Bobby Jindal, Governor of Louisiana. Perhaps you remember me from my
awesomely bad Republican response to President Obama’s February 24 speech? I’ve been super busy in my home state lately–in fact, I just passed some cool new legislation, just this week! See, here’s the thing: all of us here around the office, we’d been thinking–there are lots of dummies around these parts, young adults that grow up unable to do hard stuff like add and read, and that makes us, like us-us, look bad. It’s like we have an educational problem or something.

So we solved it! This new legislation will allow kids to get into high school without taking some dumb, difficult standardized tests. And if somebody isn’t “feeling” high school, they can just get on the “career track” program and have easier requirements! They would’ve “slipped through the cracks” anyway, guys!

Phew! So it’s a win-win for all involved–we don’t need to improve the schooling, the students don’t need to improve themselves, and everyone looks better for it. Mediocrity has never tasted so good!”

[2theadvocate: Gov. Jindal approves new diploma ]

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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Copycat Jindal

April 13th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Bobby Jindal is writing a book!

He’s reached an agreement with Regnery Publishing, which has published the works of Newt Gingrich, Chuck Norris, and Ann Coulter, to write a book that mixes, according to Jindal, “lessons I’ve learned throughout my life” and policy issues. The book is slated for release in 2010, a year before Louisiana’s gubernatorial election.


Jindal was going to title the book, Dreams from My Father, until he was told that that title had already been taken. The Louisiana governor is currently trying to decide between Hey! I’m Brown and the Child of Immigrants, Too! and Piyush Jindal Is Also a Funny Name and If You Squint Really Hard at the TV and Cover Your Ears, You Just Might Mistake Me for You-Know-Who (Although Probably Not).

Thanks, Jasmine!

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Bobby Jindal: EPIC FAIL

February 25th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Bobby Jindal’s “Republican response” to President Obama’s address to Congress Tuesday night–which was billed as the Louisiana governor’s coming-out party–was universally panned by the left and right. Conservative columnist David Brooks–who is part Canadian and not given to hyperbole–called Jindal’s platitude-filled speech a “disaster,” “nihilism,” and “insane.” FOX News commentator Juan Williams said that Jindal sounded “childish” and spoke in a “sing-songy” voice. And now the entire interwebz has a new meme: Bobby Jindal is Kenneth the Page from 30 Rock.


Dude. Jindal. You blew it. After last night, we totally don’t want to hump your accent any more. Supriya, we’d still do, but you, not so much.

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BABEWATCH: Supriya Jindal

February 24th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Name: Supriya Jolly Jindal

Age: 37

Occupation: Louisiana’s First Lady

Why She’s a Babe: Politics aside, Supriya Jindal is hawt. On Sunday, at the first formal dinner given at the White House for the nation’s governors, she showed up in the same red dress (pictured) as Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell’s wife, Marjorie, but still managed to stand out (let’s remember that she’s birthed three children). We also love her bouncy, shampoo-commercial hair, and the loving way she looks at her husband. Could this be the upside to the Jindals’ covenant marriage? If so, it’s the only one we can see, but it’s a pleasing one to the eye, at least.

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You Take the Good, You Take the Bad, You Take the Cao…

December 9th, 2008 | 5 comments | Posted by Diana

…and there you have: A Viet in the House. A Viet in the House!

Everyone is all kinds of excited about the fact that there’s now a Vietnamese-American dude rocking the U.S. House of Representatives, for the 2nd Congressional District of Louisiana (It’s no wonder–consider it a super-unlikely opportunity for Reprzentasian in that District if you aren’t experienced, Black or a Democrat).

Anh “Joseph” Cao is my peeps’ first Reprzentative, and that isn’t nothing! In fact, for my grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles, I’m sure that achievement alone would be enough for us all to claim bragging rights and call it a year. Incidentally, I think it’s a bit of a mixed bag–a little bit of good news, and a little bit of bad.

Wow, Joseph Cao victorious in Louisiana… Good and Bad?

Let’s think:

Cao is the first Vietnamese-American elected to the House! Woot! We all love to be the first! …that’s GOOD!

As a nominee, Cao received endorsements from Christian right PACs, Bobby Jindal, and Pat Boone. Umm… X…that’s BAD!

Because of Cao, lots of people have been forced to read/speak/say/smell/spell the word “Vietnamese” in national headlines. Are we here? YES! To stay? FUCK YES! …that’s GOOD!

Like my Aunt “Tracy,” Cao has adopted an “American” name in “Quotations” so that people can refer to him more easily. What’s wrong with the name Anh? My sister’s name is Anh. It’s a hot name! Hotter than Tracy, at least. X…that’s BAD!

Cao is a Republican, although that’s not inherently bad (I guess)–in fact he considers himself a political centrist, running last year in 2007 as an Independent, and shape-shifting just before this election as a strategic move to crush his veteran incumbent Dem opponent. The fact that he’s a Republican? Kind of a bummer. Late-game party-changing? Not great. But the fact that he admittedly capitalized off of low voter turnout–the result of voter fatigue in an election postponed a month by Hurricane Gustav… that ol’ politics kinda gives us the creepy tingles. X…that’s BAD!

Cao was accused of resorting to negative advertising, and at the very least benefited from PAC-produced negative ads, all seemingly deployed to discourage and disenfranchise African-American voters. X…that’s BAD!

Cao has dedicated himself to multiple efforts aiding Vietnamese refugees, and aims to further Vietnam as a peaceful, Democratic state. …that’s GOOD!

Cao is a dedicated church-goer, which gives his life structure and meaning. …that’s GOOD!

He’s a devout Catholic, who cites religious reasons for his party choice, and–more importantly–adamantly opposes abortion. X…that’s BAD!

The man is cute as a button (see photo above) and reminds us of a little, very friendly muppet, or Los Angeles sushi Chef Saito (also cute as a button). …that’s GOOD!

Cao’s Vietnamese heritage combined with his Houston, Texas upbringing basically make him a life meld of Jen and Diana… …that’s GOOD!

But doesn’t that fact automatically make him DISGRASIAN? X…that’s BAD!

I suppose only time will tell.

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Thanks, Maris, Ken, and Betty!

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