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File Under: Baby Docs We’ll Watch Over And Over Again Because They’re About Babies

November 30th, 2009 | 7 comments | Posted by Diana

If you haven’t heard, Focus Features will soon bring us Babies, a Thomas Balmès documentary that follows “four babies, in Mongolia, Namibia, San Francisco, and Tokyo, respectively, from birth to first steps.”





Quick question: Can you possibly watch this trailer without blurting out, “I want one in every color?”

More questions, actually: Is it, like, wrong to get totally baked and watch Babies, like watching Planet Earth while going munchy in couchlock? It’s not like the babies in the movie can see you. Or that you have to keep ‘em out of drawers or support their neck or anything.

[Trailer Addict: Babies]
[Film In Focus: Press - Domestic Rights To Unique Documentary Baby(ies) Acquired By Focus Features From Studiocanal]

Thanks, jRu!

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One Thing Alone Will Drag Our Asses To See The Next Sex And The City Movie

September 17th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

After enduring the self-aware, unsatisfying, sexless, love-laden mess that was the first Sex and the City movie, you’d think we’d know better than to pull up a Cosmo and buy a ticket for round two.

But goddamn it, if they didn’t find the cutest damn little twin girlsParker and Alexandra Fong–to play Charlotte’s little ‘un, Lily:

Those cutest-ever ballet flats? Seriously?

NOT FAIR. NOT FAIR TO PULL OUT SUCH A SECRET WEAPON. WHO CAN RESIST THAT LITTLE HAIRDO WITH THE TEENY BOW? THOSE LITTLE STICK LEGS? THE CUTIE-PATOOTIE FROCK??? THAT FACE??

Ugh. We’re definitely going to have to go see the movie now. But if we have to endure Miley Cyrus’s ugly mug, or hear “love” more than 6 times in one theater sitting without any cunnilingus to break it up, those fuckin’ kids are gonna owe us each 14 bucks.

[via EW.com]

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Thanks, jRu!

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Jordan Nagai, Please Be My Child

May 21st, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I know it’s wrong to covet, but Jordan Nagai (voice of the character Russell, from the Pixar feature, Up) is 2Q2B4G10. And I want him NOW! Gimmegimmegimme.

[via Trailer Addict]

Thanks, jRu!

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Zheng Jie

July 7th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


Name: Zheng Jie

Hails from: China

Occupation: Tennis player

Known for: At this year’s Wimbledon, beating number one-ranked player Ana Ivanovic in a straight-set upset as a wild card-entry (24 year-old Zheng was ranked 133 in the world); becoming the only wild card in the Open era and the only Chinese woman to ever reach the semifinals (where she lost to Serena Williams); winning the 2006 Wimbledon doubles title, dazzling crowds with her gorgeous backhand, reprzenting the little people (at 5’4″) in a sport of Amazons, saving face for Chinese tennis.

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Thanks, Dajaja and Ken!

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Pedestrasians

February 19th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Hey Pax Thien Jolie-Pitt,

Dude, high-five from your Vietnamese sister. What’s up, little man? You’re so cute. You’re so friggin’ cute. I’m so glad you’re not stuck in an orphanage in our homeland eating old rice with your fingers while wearing sandals made out of tires, peddling aluminum coke can helicopters to Isreali tourists. That would suck! Instead, you have scored in life, big time. You have an angelic face, you have bitchin’ hair, you still fit in little pants, and you have parents that will probably let you go out on Fridays and date before you’re 29 (bangs head on desk).

One thing: I’ve noticed over the last year or so, that since your supernatural adoption, you haven’t spent a lot of time on foot. I’ve been meaning to write you about this for months, but hesitated because I thought maybe you had a thing, a condition perhaps, some sort of foot measles or toenail infection or broken knees or something, and god, how awful would that be for me to bring up your “condition” on a public forum like DISGRASIAN? EEEK! I didn’t want to do it, no way. “Can Pax walk?” I only asked myself, because I was too scared that you couldn’t and that someone would think I was a total asshole for asking.

But then I remembered that Jen, my writing partner and pal, doesn’t judge. So I asked her if you could walk and she said yes, he actually went skiing last weekend! So then was like, fer sure that you could walk. PHEW! But just to get really really fer sure, I then found some pictures of you jumping alongside your mom (Side note: Where does she buy all of her flats? Are they all Lanvin?) so I think it’s all pretty much confirmed. You’ve got two feet, and you can get around on ‘em just fine. Sweet.

So just one thing. Not to be your Hardass Asian kinda-sorta-related-only-by-ethnicity sister, but shit, you’re no spring chicken, kid. I think it’s time to get to steppin’, if you know what I mean. And what I mean is, YOU’RE TOO OLD TO BE CARRIED.

I get it, you’re roaming all around town, you get tired, you’re a little guy, blah blah blah. But I have a solution for that. Maybe what you need is a pair of those shoes with the rolly wheels!

I gotta say, these things are pretty cool. They freak me out a little, but that’s just jealousy talking.

So in conclusion, I think you and your family seem pretty happy, but I definitely think that if your lithe mama has to tote your tush any longer, homegirl is gonna exhaust herself like an anorexic marathon runner. Feel free to call me with any questions.

Talk soon! xoxoxoxoxo
Diana

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We Love to Be the Best

October 8th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Two fuckin’ weird stories involving breaking world records have come out of China in the last week. The first is a story of 10 year-old Huang Li, a girl who swam 3 kilometers in the Yangtze River for 3 hours, WITH HER HANDS AND FEET BOUND. Here’s what her Hardass Asian Father had to say about her achievement:

“Next time, she will swim further and I’ll follow her in a boat to ensure safety,” (Xinhua) quoted Huang’s father, who called his daughter a swimming prodigy, as saying.

How very Asian–goals first, safety second. A heartwarming story if I’ve ever heard one.

The other world record story is about itty-bitty couple Li Tangyong, 3 feet 6 inches, of Shunde City, and his new wife Chen Guilan, 2 feet 3 inches, who are hoping to make the Guinness Book as the shortest couple on the planet.

At first I thought their goal was, to be frank, fuckin’ retahded, but when I learned that they had delayed their wedding for 3 years because of parental objections, I had a change of heart.

I realized how small my outlook on their record chase had been. I mean, er, not small, but…short-sighted. Ooh–that didn’t come out right. What I mean to say is…I wish you well, Li and Chen, in your pursuit of happiness and lofty, uh, scratch that…big, I mean, er, grand..uh…well, you know what I mean.

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(Greenie wants everyone to know that little people are people, too)

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Sleepy Eyes

July 12th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Jen and I smoked this kid under the table last night. He was like “chicks… can not hold their smoke… that’s what it is.” And we wrecked him!

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A Waste of a Perfectly Good Vest

June 18th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


I’m inclined to say that I’ve never seen anything like this before, but I have–although in that case ample amounts of E, coke, blue pills, and sugar cookies were involved.

I will not stoop so low as to criticize Ms. Ling’s erratic “dance” moves… in fact, I’ll even assume she just finished watching a mind-boggling episode of Planet Earth and was doing her best to mimic our feathered friends’ various mating displays. She’s an animal lover.

But one thing you do not–DO NOT–do, oh crazian, is squat down to freak a Little Person while 50 Cent’s voice chanting “Go Shorty, it’s your birthday” booms overhead. WHERE’S YOUR HEART, BAI? WHERE IS IT!?!????

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Rock of Asian, Jr.

May 24th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Japanese rock prodigies? Of course we’re not surprised.

These little ones make Megadeth look like total pussies. TAKE THAT, Dave Mustang!!!

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Amazian Jr.

May 2nd, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Sure, Jen and I are haters. But every once in awhile, all we want to do is bring a little joy to your day.

So may I introduce to you:

THE CUTEST LITTLE THING IN THE WORLD!!!!

Oh, I want to wrap her up in a little envelope and put her in my kimono pocket.

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