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July 24th, 2010 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Shirley Sherrod

Back in March, Andrew Breitbart wrote a post called “2010: A Race Odyssey — Disproving a Negative for Cash Prizes or, How the Civil Rights Movement Jumped the Shark” for Big Journalism, one of his five websites, in which he claimed that accusations of racism are merely a “trick” of the Left:

As I have said over and over and over, the left has one trick that it will use again and again when its back is in the corner: shout ‘racist’ in a crowded country.

Which is funny, given how Breitbart was the first to post that heavily-edited and manipulated video of USDA employee Shirley Sherrod giving a speech at an NAACP event, and the first to call Sherrod’s speech racist:

“In this piece you will see video evidence of racism coming from a federal appointee and NAACP award recipient and in another clip from the same event a perfect rationalization for why the Tea Party needs to exist.”

That video, which appeared on July 19, touched off a two day-orgy on the part of the right wing-media, in which not only Sherrod, but the NAACP, civil rights activists, the so-called mainstream media, the Obama administration, and pretty much anyone who’s ever been engaged or concerned with race issues was labeled racist. Media Matters For America has a full timeline, but here are a few highlights:

“The—this woman on tape saying these racially charged things that she didn’t want to help farmers, in particular white farmer. That she said she wanted him to go out and deal with one of his own and she put him in touch with a white lawyer. Just the latest in a series of racial incidents.”–Sean Hannity, Hannity, July 19

“The former civil rights group known as the NAACP does not just invite anti-Semite Louis Farrakhan and radical America-hating Marxist Jeremiah Wright to speak at their events…They also invite government officials who hate whitey Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The Sherrod Charade

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Why I Won’t Be Spending My Summer Vacation In Arizona: Governor Claims Most Illegals Are ‘Drug Mules’

June 28th, 2010 | 8 comments | Posted by Jen

Arizona governor Jan Brewer doesn’t know what an illegal immigrant looks like, but she knows what “the majority” of them are up to–why, they’re all drug mules, of course! According to CNN, Governor Brewer made this claim earlier this month during a debate of Republican gubernatorial candidates, and then she reiterated it again last Friday:

“Well, we all know that the majority of the people that are coming to Arizona and trespassing are now becoming drug mules,” Brewer said. “They’re coming across our borders in huge numbers. The drug cartels have taken control of the immigration.

“So they are criminals. They’re breaking the law when they are trespassing and they’re criminals when they pack the marijuana and the drugs on their backs.”

In other words, they’re weedbacks!

But here’s the thing: what Governor Brewer’s claiming isn’t true. (Shocking, I know.) It’s just another lie coming out of what is quickly becoming the most fascist and racist place in America. A representative for the National Border Patrol Council, the labor union for almost 20,000 border patrol agents and staff, which actually supports SB 1070, disputed Brewer’s claim as soon as she made it, saying that drugs smuggled across the border by Continue reading Why I Won’t Be Spending My Summer Vacation In Arizona: Governor Claims Most Illegals Are ‘Drug Mules’

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An Open Letter From DISGRASIAN To Shawne Merriman

December 10th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Hello Shawn,

Not a merry man

Not a merry man

Okay, we don’t know you. We’re not your big sisters. But if we were your big sisters–whoo boy, this “conversation” would be the 9,473,665th epic, painful, terrifying, soul-sucking Hardass Asian Sister lecture of the month, not just one kindly open letter on a blog.

We read today that you are finally suing your former fiancée, Tila Tequila–your part of the fallout for a boom-and-bust engagement that erupted in alleged violence and went down in internet flames. To be clear, we don’t and likely will never know what went down between the two of you that ugly night. Continue reading An Open Letter From DISGRASIAN To Shawne Merriman

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Buh-Bye, Sarah Palin

July 27th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Sarah Palin FINALLY stepped down as Alaska governor Sunday, but not before she got in one last dig at the media that has, ah, loved her so.

So how about in honor of the American soldier,” she said, “you quit making up things.

Okay, and how about we say, “Bye, idiot with the grating accent, overwrought hair, and zero-grasp of foreign policy, you won’t be missed”?

That unadorned enough for you, Citizen Palin?


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Jon & Kate Plus WTF Is That Hair?! Part 2

May 15th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

On the very day that I wondered WTF was up with Kate Gosselin’s schizoid hair, she and Jon gave an “exclusive” to Entertainment Weekly (question: is it still considered an exclusive when she also gave an interview to People in the same week?), wherein she talked about her hair and how “(e)verybody wants it.”

It’s my attitude! Everybody wants it. It’s work. I have very, very thick hair, so it’s not going to work for everybody. I’ve seen people come through the book line with thin hair and it’s just won’t work. My hair stylist gets calls from all across the country.

Uh, everybody, Kate?

We know how much you hate lies. And guess what? So do we.

Thanks, Erica!

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That Chinese Sperm Bank Photo: You’ve Been Shanghaied

March 31st, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

I saw this NSFW photo on BuzzFeed yesterday, allegedly taken at a Shanghai sperm bank:

…and my immediate train of thought was, Yick Yuck What the Fuck Their Sperm Works but Their Hands Don’t Being a Woman Blows. And then that quivery Kate Bush song, “This Woman’s Work,” came on in my head, and I was pissed.

But I conducted a little investigasian today and found that this picture first surfaced on the interwebz in late 2008, and it was immediately dismissed as a hoax by officials at Renji Hospital in Shanghai, where the sperm bank is located. So why, then, does this meme still persist? A coupla theories:

  1. Because the world needs more Asian massage parlor jokes
  2. Because everything in China is wack and fucked-up and backwards, unlike in the West
  3. Because Asians are inscrutable, as are their customs

The only good to cum (yuk yuk, me so funny) out of this photo is that I’m no longer outraged, I’m just bored.


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Shedding the Baby Wasian

November 7th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana
Good genetics, not Nintendo

The Internet is just buzzing today with the “news” that Angelina Jolie is miraculously shedding her baby weight by doing virtual Pilates on her kids’ Nintendo PS.

From the SF Gate:

A family insider reveals, “The kids were convincing her that video games were more than just fun. They explained to her that you can do anything from practice math to learn to read music and exercise.

“She tries to get in an hour of Pilates three times a week. She’s picking it up pretty quickly and is already at the hardest setting.”

Jesus H., does this “family insider” have something to learn or what? Aside from cultivating yet another obnoxious Hollywood lie (not unlike “I just lose all the chub running around with my kids!”), purporting that Jolie would strive to do low-rent Pilates on the “hardest setting” instead of get a trainer, and that her kids would bother to use their game console to “practice math or read music” as opposed to “shoot shit up“–it’s sloppy, just sloppy.

Source Source Source
Thanks, Jen!

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Sarah Palin Turning Polar Bears in Japan Green

September 8th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Snowy white polar bears at the Higashiyama Zoo in Japan are turning green. And Governor Palin doesn’t consider these guys “endangered”?



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The Importance of Preparasian

March 19th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Oh, how I hated Dickens as I was growing, or rather, tumbling up. I remember the Signet Classic version of A Tale of Two Cities sitting on my desk during the fall of my freshman year of high school, taunting me with its archaic language and hateful characters and seemingly convex plot. I didn’t want to read it. Hell, I didn’t even want to smell it. Dickens didn’t “get” me, and I simply refused to “get” Chuck.

This proved to be a problem on the day our first Accelerated English book reports were due. My teacher (who was–completely unrelated to this story, but fascinatingly–fired the following year for sleeping with a varsity cheerleader) expected three to five pages on A Tale of Two Cities. My friend Margaux had printed and bound hers eons before we needed to turn them in. But I hadn’t read the book three weeks before the due date. Or two weeks before. Or two days before. The afternoon before it was due, I bought the CliffsNotes and read only through the general synopsis before I fell asleep staring at the black-and-green screen on my PC.

When I got a C-minus on my report, which made such groundbreaking statements as, “A Tale of Two Cities is a truly historic piece of literature,” and “Not surprisingly, Dickens shows a magnanimous sentiment of disdain for the established aristrocracy, which he brilliantly shows in the tumultuous story plunge of Darnay,” I wasn’t surprised. But I was especially sickened to see the comment, “You didn’t read the book. See me after class,” scribbled on the back of the last page. Thankfully, my teacher was a sucker for a sweet girl (see above) and eventually agreed to let me re-do the report for a chance at a whopping A minus–But not without teaching me a lesson: ALWAYS BE PREPARED.

I was surprised today when I saw comments from Hillary Clinton–who has been documented as such a perfection-driven, ambitious student of excellence that I’ve always considered her to be Asian–regarding Barack Obama’s hotly-discussed, highly-televised, much-anticipated speech regarding race, religion, and his Reverend:

I did not have a chance to see or to read yet Sen. Obama’s speech but I’m very glad that he gave it. It’s an important topic. Issues of race and gender in America have been complicated throughout history and they are complicated in this primary campaign.”

Either m’lady was the day’s biggest liar or supremely ill-prepared, but something about today’s statement gave me flashbacks of my poorly executed five-paragraph expository essay. If any of you know Hill, can you please remind her of the section in the DISGRASIAN sidebar: “DO YOUR HOMEWORK?” It’s also very important.


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Tiger Defamasian

January 23rd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Paul Dhaliwal, one of the three victims of the Christmas Day tiger attack at the San Francisco zoo, has admitted to being drunk and stoned while yelling and waving at the caged feline. Likely agitated by the disturbance, the tiger apparently leaped over a wall that was four feet lower than the recommended height. It then attacked the three men, unfortunately killing one. On the day of the incident, the victims portrayed the situation as an unprovoked attack.

This story is just altogether sad and frustrating. The zoo fucked up, the guys fucked up–but the tiger got confused. So why is the cat the one that got the bad rap?

Thanks, Shayera!

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Everybody Was Kung-Fu Trash-Talking

September 4th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
“Dude. We will fuck your shit up. Then sic our lawyers on you.”

Last week, an INTRASIAN smackdown took place between Shaolin monks from a temple in China’s Henan Province and some douchebag who talks trash on the internet. (Nothing like what we do. Not a bit. Really. Okay, maybe a little.)

The douchebag claimed on a Chinese-language internet forum that a Japanese ninja challenged the Shaolin monks in Henan to a fight and won.

The posting last week on the “Iron Blood Bulletin Board Community” described a ninja who challenged the monks of the Shaolin Temple to a fight last month after practising boxing at a Japanese mountain retreat for five years. It claimed the monks accepted the challenge and the ninja won, proving that modern-day monks are trained to perform rather than fight.

“The fact that the monks could not defeat a Japanese ninja showed that they were named as kung fu masters in vain,” it said.

The Shaolin monks responded by hiring a lawyer, demanding an apology, and threatening to sue. The douchebag has since apologized and fessed up that the story was fiction. You can read the apology here, if you read Chinese.


(Thanks Greenie! You rule!)

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June 29th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

The Associated Press reported this week that a former UC Riverside student went to dark lengths to subvert a graduation ceremony and avoid telling his mother that he’d dropped out of college:

Audley Yung told his mother that he was scheduled to graduate from University of California, Riverside, last weekend and she planned to drive from Northern California to attend, according to the affidavit.

Yung, 22, attended the university as recently as last summer but did not have enough credits to graduate.

The affidavit said Yung admitted sending a letter and two e-mails to university officials threatening to set off several improvised explosive devices during a commencement planned for June 15. The document also said Yung admitted building a bomb using a wine bottle and gasoline, placing it next to a palm tree on campus, dousing the tree with gasoline and setting it on fire.

A business administration graduation ceremony and some final exams were rescheduled because of the scare.

Yung hoped university officials would cancel the weekend graduation ceremonies, giving him an excuse not to attend. “Then his mother would return home and everything would be as it once was,” police Detective Jessie Orona said in the affidavit.

Orona also said Yung’s “true mind set was to injure or otherwise harm innocent people.” Investigators searched Yung’s apartment and discovered a letter he had allegedly written stating his hatred of all rich white and Chinese kids, and that he was going to kill them all, court records show.

Here’s the thing: the extended, complicated, cover-my-ass-until-I-die lie I actually understand. Picture him every lunar New Year in Northern California, surrounded by standoffish uncles, clucking aunts and snotty cousins: When are you going to be done school? How many more years you have? Your cousin Johnny take three extra classes at Berkeley this semester. What are you majoring in? What does that mean? What kind of job you get with that after college? Your younger brother is going to MIT this summer, so much better than you, aren’t you ashamed? Look here, Jenny just took MCATs and got into top 15 percentile. Why can’t you go to medical school? My friend here, both of her sons are lawyers and they finished early. Why don’t you try harder? You are a disappointment.

There is a part of me that completely relates to Yung’s desperate sham; especially since we’ve seen such a surge of them in recent months. Hardass Asian pressure is so totally, mind-twistingly, esteem-crumblingly, spirit-destructively fucked. A person might do anything to avoid any more Asian shame. This I understand and empathize with. I really do.

But the rage and hatred, the deep, violent, terrible, sociopathic resentment, the brutal and vitriolic intentions–all echoing so soon after the dark day at Virginia Tech–these things I do not understand at all.

When will we be ready we look ourselves in the face and realize we all have a much bigger problem here? These are our brothers and sons, and they’re breaking down right before our eyes.

Read the full story here.

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