You are currently browsing posts tagged with Letters of Concern
Good Timing
The NYT editors must have read our letter!
Before: kitschy “Chinaman” chic
After: Just the kitsch without all of that crazy racial slur baggage
Now if only Michelle Malkin will start taking advice from our letters and off herself. Then we’ll be in great shape.
Filed under: Corrections, Kitsch, Letters of Concern, Michelle Malkin, Racial Slurs, Squinty Chinamen, Suicide, The New York Times
Post-Debasian
WE ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS.
DISGRASIAN
Filed under: Belmont University, Canned Phrases, John McCain, Letters of Concern, My Friends We Have A Problem, Phoneys, Presidential Debates, Town Halls Are So Awkward
Dear Lucy, Third Time’s a Charm
Dear Lucy,
What’s up? I know you’ve been getting some correspondence from my friend Jen, and that she declared a semi-official moratorium on “Lucy digs” on DISGRASIAN because we admittedly like you a lot.
But I’ve gotta know… what is it with people like you that make it impossible to honor such moratoriums? It’s like that song by Air, “You Make It Easy”–much too easy, what with the godawful movie choices (Lesbian vampires, why??) and the even worse, incessant sartorial mistakes.
Let’s talk about this. I need you to tell me how I can look at you at the Japanese Kung Fu Panda premiere in the silky representation of Mrs. Claus’s snowy-white, flappy, old-lady labia and not write to you in inquiry. Why would you wear such a thing, WHY? Why would you belt this disastrous frock with one of Dita Von Teese’s throwaways? Why would you possibly choose the one hemline and shoe combo that could make you–such a tiny lass–look like you’re storing extra flesh on their hips for the winter? You aren’t going on some survival mission in Siberia, are you? See? Now I’ve got questions upon questions. This is what you DO to me!
At least we care, right? Now go change yer clothes, and then make a good movie.
Love…?
Diana
Filed under: Don't Get Me Started on Kung Fu Panda, L is for Labia, Letters of Concern, Lucy Liu, Misguided Sartorial Fantasies, Mrs. Claus, Ugly Dresses, We Can't Stop Hating Cuz You Won't Stop Sucking
Solidarasian
We don’t always see eye-to-eye with the activism efforts of PETA’s aggressive (nutjob) leader Ingrid Newkirk, but that doesn’t mean we don’t sometimes play for the same team.
This week, Newkirk sent Stone (and her agent at ICM) a letter containing a truly thoughtful offer. Allow us to provide an excerpt:
I am writing with an offer that could provide an opportunity for you to escape all future public condemnation when you show insensitivity to the suffering of others.
Given that millions of people – including children – were killed, injured, and left homeless by the recent earthquake in China, everyone was shocked to hear you dismiss the devastating effects of this disaster. However, your cavalier attitude did not come as a surprise to us. We are used to the indifference that you flaunt and the callous remarks that you make about the suffering and death of the animals whose fur you wear so often.
Scientific studies suggest that the prefrontal regions of the brains of people who lack empathy might be underdeveloped. Here’s our offer: Would you allow PETA to pay for a scan of the prefrontal region of your brain to determine if comments and actions that seem to demonstrate a lack of empathy are the result of a physical defect?
Ms. Newkirk, we’ve consulted ourselves and our dads (doctors of science and medicine) and we all think you may be on to something. We believe so wholeheartedly in this cause, that we’d like to offer to pay half of whatever the cost of Stony McStonerson’s brain scan.*
We can’t think of a cause more worthy. Finally! Answers!
*this offer subject change in light of DISGRASIAN bank account standings. We will probably charge this on our maxed-out AmEx and then call the creditors citing fraud. But hey, it’s the thought that counts, right?
Filed under: Awful People, Brain Scans, China, Doctors, Empathy, Fur, Idiots, Ingrid Newkirk, Joining Forces, Let's Dogpile This Bitch, Letters of Concern, PETA, Sharon Stone
Big Talk Comes in Small Packages
Our friend Amy stars in the video above. She’s the adorable girl reading George Dubya’s correspondence aloud (there’s no one else in the video, but I’m just clarifying for the weary).
Yes, we know, she clearly thinks his prose could use some work.
We’re incredibly proud of her, not just for her elocution but for her subtle ability to make Dubya’s encouragement “to spend time outside” sound about as ridiculous IN A LETTER FROM THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES DURING TIME OF GLOBAL PERIL AND WAR… as it is.
Source
Thanks, Vivian!
Filed under: Amazian Jr., Amy L., Cool Kids, Cute Things, George W. Bush, Letters of Concern, Politics
DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! China
Dearest China,
What’s up, dude? How’ve you been? It’s been awhile since we last spoke, but rest assured that we’ve been thinking about you constantly and keeping tabs on your ass.
Not to be all up in your grill or anything, but what’s going on with you right now? Are you like, really busy, or preoccupied or whatever? We totally know you’ve got Olympics on the brain, but we feel like in the meantime you seem to be saying some weird shit and slacking on a lot of your really important duties. And if there’s one thing we’ve learned from our years of knowing you intimately, one should never defect on their duties. Right?
For starters, you poo-poo’d all over the decision to award the Dalai Lama the Congressional Gold Medal this week, with Foreign Ministry spokesperson Liu Jianchao saying that it “severly hurt the feelings” of the Chinese people.
Liu continued:
“China urges the United States to take effective measures immediately to remove the terrible impact of its erroneous act, cease supporting and conniving with the separatist activities of the Tibet independence forces … and take concrete steps to protect China-U.S. relations.”
Geez, is that a threat? Dude, the Dalai Lama is our friend. He is the most peaceful bloke we know–we really respect him, and he gives us hope. We understand how complicated your relationship is right now, but please don’t put us in the middle of that–and please just don’t insult our friend. It’s sour and fucked up, it makes us really uncomfortable, and we’re simply not down with that shit.
Moving on, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but some really fucked-up shit has been happening under your nose. Do I need to spell them out for you? Okay, D-A-R-F-U-R and M-Y-A-N-M-A-R. Seriously, where the fuck are you?
“I don’t see nothin’!”
You are really the only country with the power to make any real impact in both of these situations, and we feel like you’re just sitting around with your thumb up your ass, thinking of different ways to make the place pretty for all of next year’s tourists. We don’t give a shih tzu about gold medals, dammit! We are sick and tired of this bullshit–namely genocide, oppression, and conflict!
Pay attention! It’s time for you to step up. If you don’t, it will severely hurt our feelings. We severely urge you to take effective measures in saving yourself from our disgrace, so we can be proud to look you in the eye again one day.
Here’s hopin’,
Diana and Jen
Filed under: China We Have A Problem, Darfur, Do Something, Duty, Honor, Letters of Concern, Myanmar, The Dalai Lama, What Are You Waiting For?
DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK!
I’m sure most of you know by now that Bai Ling had a nip slip this week at Cannes. Which means the time has come for me to write Buh Bai a letter.
Dear Bai,
When did you become so derivative–of yourself? When did you, as they say in TV, jump the nipple shark? How did you get on this nipslippery slope?
Don’t you realize what this could do to career? Just ask Tara “Reid My Nips.”
One day they love you in all of your slippage glory, and the next, your nipslippreciation club has moved on to bigger horiznips: “Yawn. Show me a nip that hasn’t slipped, and I’ll show you an asshole that’s never crapped.”
Look at these pictures, Buh Bai. Tell me this isn’t the sad, silent movie of your life:
“Not so fast, pap. You know the drill.”
“Ah. Now I’m ready for my close-up.”
“Check me out. 45 years young and still slippin’!”
“What? What am I doing wrong? These are supposed to be klassy pictures?”
“Oh.”
“Better? No? Not really?”Here’s my plan of action for you. Go put on Bon Jovi’s Nipslippery When Wet, which I’m pretty sure you own on vinyl. Wipe it down with disinfectant. Fast forward to “Nippin’ on a Prayer.” Get pumped and go out and buy a bra. Put it on. Whoa. You’re halfway there.
Advice from a Friend,
Jen
Source Source Source
Filed under: Bai Ling, Jumping the Nipple Shark, Letters of Concern, Nipslippery Slopes, Nipslippery When Wet, Pun Rhymes With Fun
