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Cuz here’s the thing. Ms. White has got a voice like butter, million-dollar smile, freaking gorgeous face, swimsuit model body, longstanding devotion to video games (photo above is an homage–can you place it?), deeeeeep affinity for Korean dramas and K-pop… and seems like an all-around, super fun, super nice chick. Are all of these sweet-ass qualities together in one pretty package a common find? Hell no. Is Pumashock, then basically DISGRASIAN’s wet dream? Oh, yes.
Witness, for instance, this near-perfect interpretation of the Wonder Girls “Nobody” (Like, WOW):
And if you think that accent is just a fluke, check out her synthed up interpretasian of Lee Hyori’s “U Go Girl” (Also, like, WOW):
There’s something about her silky, smooth delivery, cheeky winks, and sweet, inviting smile that is ever-so seductive and, well, surprisingly perfect. Sometimes, it’s damn nice to be shocked.
I just read that South Korean pop star Lee Hyori, who stands 5’4½” , recently revealed her weight of 53 kg (about 116 lbs) on the Korean variety show Family Outings. Those on the show apparently gasped! 53 kg indeed! In typical Hardass Asian fashion, the producers then had guest star Lee Su-Kyong (5’5″) step on the scale for comparison–her 101 lbs return was received much more kindly.
The shocker of Lee’s big “weight” is now hot blog news. What a fatty! …My jaw is on the floor, guys. I mean, huh?
Mind you, by pretty much all weight indexes, the minimum healthy weight for someone a half-inch shorter than Lee would be 116 lbs., and anything below that worthy of some concern. Take a look at her, in the photo to the left (ignore the fact that her right arm appears to be missing and that she’s wearing a flapper shirt as a dress). The girl is healthy, and borderline too-tiny. So why the gasps? I expect that kind of scrutiny from cruel little hens like my grandma and aunts, not cool kids in the blogosphere!
This whole episode is hammering me with flashbacks from my one traumautic experiment in pageant competition–wherein my competitors and I were required to parade down the catwalk while being introduced. Correction: while being introduced and having our respective heights and weights announced over the mic. I stand 5’8″–about a head taller than almost all of the other contestants–and even at my broke-collegiate-biking-and-walking-everywhere-cuz-I-couldn’t-afford-gas-for-my-compact-car weight of 127 lbs (a number I now laugh at in my far-too-wealthy-or-at-least-hungry-or-ok-I’m-old-and-busy-and-hate-exercising-too-much-to-be-skinny stage), my weight was digits above all of the other 93 lb midges in the quest for the crown. They were horrified by the sound of “hundred something pounds.” They all begged me to lie–”It sounds better,” they urged. “Just say 99.”
I couldn’t say “99.” I was too proud. The girl before me, a sweet, doe-eyed thing that was about 5’9″, maybe 160 lb, walked up on the stage and I listened for her numbers overhead. The announcer’s voice boomed: “Five-foot-nine, and ninety-nine pounds.” The audience clapped politely, taking no notice. I heard my name and stepped up for my turn.
“Five-foot-eight, and one-hundred twenty-five pounds (Yes, I lied a little).” I could’ve sworn I heard him chuckle.
The audience gasped. In the far back corner of the room, I saw my grandma smack her forehead with her soft, wrinkled, jade-baubled hand.
And as you probably remember, I didn’t make it to the pageant semi-finals. Was it because of the gasps? I’ll never know. But I wouldn’t be surprised–just like I’m not surprised that all of these blog hawks jumped on this little pop star. Of course they gasp! After all, THEY ALL SUCK.
Filed under: Grandmas, Hardass Asian Everybody, Healthy Lbs., Hypercritical Assholes, Korea We Have A Problem, Lee Hyori, Lee Su-Kyong, Old Hens, Pageants Are a Joke, This is Bullshit, Tiny People, Weight Gain