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You’d think after a public shaming seen by millions of readers on DISGRASIAN, So You Think You Can Dance?‘s Lauren Gottlieb would have put her Asian alter-ego, Misha Chan, to bed.
But why kill an alter-ego if she’s still in demand?
Apparently, two rabid fans (see one in above photo) bought tickets to the SYTYCD tour and got autographs from all of the cast members, including Lauren. When they had the nerve to ask Lauren to sign as Misha, she responded as such:
“(S)he **gasped** and said, “you know, a couple of people have asked me to do that, but i haven’t sat down and figured out a way to sign it.” so instead of writing “MISHA” under lauren, she wrote it in a seperate spot in cursive, and took about a year and a half.”
First of all, if Misha was a real Asian, she would’ve already figured out how to sign her name in a perfectly lettered, memorable way already. And perhaps had cards printed.
Second, who are these bitches “requesting” the signature of Misha? Have they learned nothing from us? Do I need to get out my flogging stick?
Dear Lauren/Misha Chan,
We’re so sorry to hear that you were eliminated from So You Think You Can Dance. But look on the bright side. You have your whole future ahead of you. Two, in fact. And judging by this picture we dug up of you, we think you’ll be great at…well, you know.
all the best,
Jen and Diana
Many of us will be watching for DISGRASIAN dabbler Lauren Gottleib–oh, shucks, I mean “Misha Chan”– to stake her claim for the top 4 of So You Think You Can Dance? tonight.
Let’s all pray that she doesn’t make the same fashion faux pas she did last week:
AUGH!… LAUREN/MISHA!!! Consider yourself filed at DISGRASIAN HQ in a folder labeled “Repeat Offenders.” If it’s not dabbling, sweetheart, we’re talking about full-on ADDICTION.
Step it down, Gottlieb/Chan. You’re on thin ice.
So you can imagine my disappointment when, in the story package shot for Tuesday’s live episode, he reverted to speaking in Japanese only to discuss the shame of being shorter than his partner Jamie when she’s rocking heels.
Hok, you hunk, why was this necessary? Why intrinsically link your vertical inferiority with your Asian identity?
I suppose the better question would be, which Producer asked you to do it? Was it the same guy who ching-chonged up the music for Lauren “Misha” Gottlieb’s racial drag story last week? And was he just threatened of the big bulge in your pants?
It’s too bad you were eliminated before you had a chance to redeem yourself.
Lauren Gottlieb, one of the finalists of So You Think You Can Dance? gushed to the camera last night about her “alter-ego,” that of an Asian girl named “Misha Chan.”
Here’s the highlight:
“Lately I’ve kinda chopped up my hair and kinda looked more Asian and had a million people ask me if i was Asian, so I kind of… made this Asian identity, named Misha. I actually go into auditions sometimes and change my name on the top from Lauren Gottlieb to Misha Chan. And go audition [laughs]!”
(And no, I’m not going to even get into the Ching Chong music the SYTYCD producers tacked on in the background of her backstory package.)
Well, you can definitely dance. I will give you that.
Girl, WHAT? What are you doing? I know that this alter-ego thing is supposed to be some imitative kind of flattery, but…HUH? You can’t just chop off your hair and make up some whack name and pretend to be one of us at auditions. You just can’t.
Why? Because it’s creepy.
Why? Because you have too much booty to be Asian.
Why? Because we’re not named “Misha.” Our parents named us Sandy and Michelle and Jenny and Annie and Caroline and Lisa. Nobody knows an Asian girl named Misha. For the record, Mischa should be spelled “Mischa” like Barton, while “Misha” just looks like a half-assed knock off of “Mochi.”
Why? Because you’re a spaz, and people like you should only be referred to as “Love” or “Angel” or “Music” or “Disgrasian.”
Why? Because to be Asian requires just a tad more than a fucked-up haircut and a four-letter last name. It’s hard. It requires being flat-chested your whole life. It requires twenty or so years spent disappointing your parents unless you become the top student at your Tony medical school, and shaming your ancestors if you don’t marry well. It means being called Nip, Chink, Charlie, Gook, Slit-eye, Chinaman, and Jap, even by people that don’t have all their teeth or brain cells. It means strangers remarking at how wonderfully you speak English, even if you were born in Nebraska. It’s about having hair that won’t curl, knees that look like sausages, fucked up little teeth, and eyelids that look like shit with too much smoky shadow. It’s about being good at math, or conversely not being good at math and being considered a total failure. It’s about laughing awkwardly when kids at school chant, “Chinese, Japanese, Dirty Knees, Look at These.” It’s about always being compared to Lucy Liu, even if you don’t have freckles or teardrop eyes. It’s about college boys asking you if your vagina is sideways and meaning it. Do you read me? This shit is REAL.
Now, please understand that this comes from a girl who has memorized a hundred words of Hebrew, cooked a lotta latkes, and lit many a candle for Shabbos in an attempt to be loved as a Jew. It’s a very delicate dance, racial drag. Believe you me.
My advice… hang out with some Asians. Eat some Asian food (Jonathan Gold can point you in the right direction). Love yourself some Asian men (they’re so hot, why not?). Try a little bit of this and a little bit of that–ALL OF THIS before going on national television to introduce Misha Chan. Because Misha Chan is a DISGRASIAN.