You are currently browsing posts tagged with Lack of Preparasian

DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Rep. Joseph Barton (R-TX)

June 18th, 2010 | 4 comments | Posted by Diana

Oh, how that sneaky Rep. Joseph Cao (R-LA) toys with our emotions! We never know how we’re gonna feel about him (okay, pretty sure we love the guy–but he sure can bum us out) on any given day. He’s always so full of surprises!

Earlier this week, during BP America President Lamar McKay‘s public shaming congressional testimony regarding the Gulf oil spill, Cao said what we’re sure lots of people are thinking, but would never say aloud:

From HuffPo:

“Mr. Stearn asked Mr. McKay to resign. In the Asian culture we do things differently. During the Samurai days, we would just give you a knife and ask you to commit Hari-Kari [sic]. My constituents are still debating on what they want me to ask you to do, but that being said, the cleaning up process has been a disgrace and the claims process has been dismal…”

Of course the comments were extreme and Cao has since stated that they were meant only to convey his level of frustration with BP, but dayum! We couldn’t have scripted his words better if we tried ( okay, we did try, but it wasn’t any better).


Rep. Joseph Barton (R-TX), on the other hand, did the opposite this week. When it was his turn to speak during BP CEO Tony Hayward’s public shaming congressional testimony, he said what nobody else would say aloud, and uh, NOBODY ELSE WAS THINKING:

Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Rep. Joseph Barton (R-TX)

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Ryan Seacrest’s Red Carpet Preparasian

February 23rd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Usually, Ryan Seacrest does an adequate job on the red carpet, but he totally whiffed yesterday when interviewing the Slumdog Millionaire kids:

“I can’t pronounce all these names”?

“Well, she speaks good English”?

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Debate Preparasian

September 26th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


So tonight’s Presidential debate on foreign policy, the first such meeting between Sen. John McCain and Sen. Barack Obama is now confirmed to be on like Donkey Kong! We can’t help but wonder if The Maverick is feeling a little twinge of regret over his decision to selflessly suspend campaigning while his opponent continued to hunker down like a Hardass Asian Student in three days of intensive debate prep. As our parents always say, “When preparing for an important test: study until you want to die, or else kill yourself.”

If McCain, for lack of preparation, finds himself fumbling for an answer, might we suggest looking to running mate Sarah Palin for guidelines:

1) If a question includes big words, respond with a sentence that includes the phrase, “shore up the economy.”

2) Remember: we are in a crisis mode! Or something! Crisis mode!

3) Always keep your eye on Putin when he’s flying overhead.

4) If needed, drug your child and coo over it for the cameras. Use a baby with a mental disability for maximum effect. If you do not have a baby or young child with a mental disability, an adopted child of color will suffice.

5) Be sure to tease your hair before going on camera.

6) Divulge no information. Stick to making fun of “hope” and cutely wrinkle your nose when necessary. Oh, and “Drill, baby, drill!”

7) Say “John McCain” as much as possible.

8) If you’re asked to cite an example and can’t think of one, just say, “I’ll try to find you some and bring ‘em to ya!

9) If you’re feeling bullied, remember that you were a beauty queen and/or prisoner of war and everybody else is just jealous.

10) Declare war on Russia.

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Televised Live With No Preparasian

May 16th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Like my mom, my instinct before tests was always to procrastinate, cram like hell, and pat myself on the back for getting an A+ on a test. My father, on the other hand, would set study schedules that required regulated eating patterns on top of rote memorization, practice tests, and self-administered pop quizzes. He always passed exams with flying colors because he was always 100% prepared. It was no wonder, then, that he was surprised to find himself with a blank mind once and one time only–during his final University thesis, an oral exam administrated by his University mentor. He couldn’t believe it–he just stammered, unable to reach for the solution to the one question in the world he couldn’t possibly have answered, eventually mumbling his way through enough adequate bullshit peppered with appropriate-sounding words. Somehow, he wasn’t busted, and he passed.

This moment, which I now refer to as “Dad’s Singular Moment of Desperasian” was arguably one of the worst in my father’s life–and we’re talking about a man who fought in the opposing army to his own Pop and crossed the Ocean not once, but twice, during the Vietnam war–because he felt responsible for his own downfall. He hadn’t prepared 100% this time. He had clearly only prepared 98%.

Later, he was so determined that none of his four daughters would ever experience such a shameful event (oh lofty goals), pressing on us for years to study with diligince and respect, and never be caught empty handed when knowledge was meant to be on our side.

So you can imagine how horrified Dad would be if Kevin James, right wing radio host for KRLA in Los Angeles, was his son. No, not just because he’s a goofy, loud-mouthed, and not Asian (I’m sure there would be lots of questions for Mom)–but because yesterday he got his ass handed to him on Hardball. He hadn’t thought to prepare.

We’ve all observed George W. Bush’s deplorable choice to make a pointed attack on Obama’s foreign policy. CNN reports:

“Some seem to believe we should negotiate with terrorists and radicals, as if some ingenious argument will persuade them they have been wrong all along,” Bush said at Israel’s 60th anniversary celebration in Jerusalem.

“We have heard this foolish delusion before,” Bush said in remarks to Israel’s parliament, the Knesset. “As Nazi tanks crossed into Poland in 1939, an American senator declared: ‘Lord, if only I could have talked to Hitler, all of this might have been avoided.’ We have an obligation to call this what it is — the false comfort of appeasement, which has been repeatedly discredited by history.”

And many of us immediately racked our brains for the historical facts. Bush referring to “appeasement” suddenly made many of us think about Former British prime minister Neville Chamberlin, who urged the cessation of a large part of the Czechoslovakian state to Germany in 1938. And if it didn’t, the rest of us probably Googled “appeasement” and “1938″ to start doing our research.

But before going on Hardball to spar with host Chris Matthews and Air America President Mark Green, James did not think, nor Google, nor prepare. So after much ranting loudly about how proud he was of Bush’s comments, and how appropriate those historical references were, he could not confirm any historical knowledge. In fact, he simply couldn’t answer Matthews’s one simple question: Historically, what did Neville Chamberlin do that was so wrong?

Witness:

Being busted this badly in public just shouldn’t happen. Being called “pathetic” when you’re live to camera just shouldn’t happen. I tell you, I cringe violently from embarrassment when I hear James trying to fake it (“He was…an appeaser!”) or fight his flustered feelings (“Nevin Chamber was… an appeaser, Chris!”). My heart actually aches a little for his hot little head, scrambling for some other word that doesn’t rhyme with “geezer.”

And I just wish James had either done his homework or had a dad like mine. At least before he humiliated himself on live television.

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Thanks, RJ!

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The Importance of Preparasian

March 19th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Oh, how I hated Dickens as I was growing, or rather, tumbling up. I remember the Signet Classic version of A Tale of Two Cities sitting on my desk during the fall of my freshman year of high school, taunting me with its archaic language and hateful characters and seemingly convex plot. I didn’t want to read it. Hell, I didn’t even want to smell it. Dickens didn’t “get” me, and I simply refused to “get” Chuck.

This proved to be a problem on the day our first Accelerated English book reports were due. My teacher (who was–completely unrelated to this story, but fascinatingly–fired the following year for sleeping with a varsity cheerleader) expected three to five pages on A Tale of Two Cities. My friend Margaux had printed and bound hers eons before we needed to turn them in. But I hadn’t read the book three weeks before the due date. Or two weeks before. Or two days before. The afternoon before it was due, I bought the CliffsNotes and read only through the general synopsis before I fell asleep staring at the black-and-green screen on my PC.

When I got a C-minus on my report, which made such groundbreaking statements as, “A Tale of Two Cities is a truly historic piece of literature,” and “Not surprisingly, Dickens shows a magnanimous sentiment of disdain for the established aristrocracy, which he brilliantly shows in the tumultuous story plunge of Darnay,” I wasn’t surprised. But I was especially sickened to see the comment, “You didn’t read the book. See me after class,” scribbled on the back of the last page. Thankfully, my teacher was a sucker for a sweet girl (see above) and eventually agreed to let me re-do the report for a chance at a whopping A minus–But not without teaching me a lesson: ALWAYS BE PREPARED.

I was surprised today when I saw comments from Hillary Clinton–who has been documented as such a perfection-driven, ambitious student of excellence that I’ve always considered her to be Asian–regarding Barack Obama’s hotly-discussed, highly-televised, much-anticipated speech regarding race, religion, and his Reverend:


I did not have a chance to see or to read yet Sen. Obama’s speech but I’m very glad that he gave it. It’s an important topic. Issues of race and gender in America have been complicated throughout history and they are complicated in this primary campaign.”

Either m’lady was the day’s biggest liar or supremely ill-prepared, but something about today’s statement gave me flashbacks of my poorly executed five-paragraph expository essay. If any of you know Hill, can you please remind her of the section in the DISGRASIAN sidebar: “DO YOUR HOMEWORK?” It’s also very important.

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Oil Devastasian

December 14th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

We learned today that the UN is sending a team of eight environmental experts to figure out the damage from last week’s South Korean oil spill, the worst the nation has ever seen, caused by a leaking Hebei Spirit tanker.

Our hearts go out to the animals, land, and humans that are being affected by this disaster, and we can barely even bear to look at the insane damage:

…but we can’t stop looking–the devastasian seems neverending–and it all really just sucks.

Worst of all, it looks like S. Korea’s lack of preparasian is mostly to blame for the obscene spread of the oil:

“They weren’t prepared enough to control the spread,” Gi Tgan Hyuk, a spokesman for the Korea Federation For Environment Movement, told TIME. The group says the government should have put an oil fence around the tanker immediately to control the slick while rescue teams waited for heavy seas to settle down in order to plug the remaining holes in the tanker’s portside, a job that was completed only some 48 hours after the accident. While the government says it did place barriers around the tanker, environmental groups charge that the vessel wasn’t completely encircled, allowing oil to seep out.

Ugh. All we can say is: SOUTH KOREA, CLEAN UP THIS MESS.

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