DISGRASIAN™

Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian

RZA of the Wu-Tang Clan has made a kung-fu movie, Wu-Tang vs. the Golden Phoenix. [New York Magazine]

Six-time Nathan’s Hot Dog eating champion Takeru Kobayashi may not be making the trip to Coney Island this weekend to try to steal the title from defending champ Joey Chestnut. [Consumerist]

The inmates at Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center choreographed a new number to remember Michael Jackson on the first anniversary of his death. [YouTube]

Hiromi Ozaki, a student at The Royal College of Art, has designed a “Menstruation Machine”. Yes, there’s video. [Wired]

Nordstrom claims they didn’t use Photoshop to make model Tao Okamoto look thinner. 14 year-old blogging wunderkind, Tavi Gevinson, aka Style Rookie, calls bullshit. Team Tavi! [Jezebel]

Filed under: Anniversary of Michael Jackson's Death, Asian Models, Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center, Competitive Eating, Dancing Inmates, Dancing Philippine Inmates, Gong Fu, Kung Fu, Michael Jackson, Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest, Philippine Prisoners, Photoshop Disasters, RZA, Style Rookie, Takeru Kobayashi, Tao Okamoto, Tavi Gevinson, Wu-Tang Clan

DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Liveblogging The Karate Kid Remake With Jen’s Hardass Asian Mama

Any use of inappropriate cultural terms or conflation with the original movie is entirely intentional:

The Karate Kid (Jaden Smith) and his Mom (Taraji Henson) are leaving Detroit. Lest you think this is a single black mom/deadbeat dad scenario, we’re told upfront that the Karate Kid’s Dad is dead…period. Detroit is portrayed as a gray, dismal city full of shuttered storefronts. This is America in our continued state of joblessness, America in the 21st century, America on the decline. But China, where they’re headed for Mom’s work, is the land of opportunity, the land of now, the land on the up-and-up, or, as the Karate Kid’s Mom puts it, “a magical new land,” like unicorns live there or something.

The Karate Kid tries out his Mandarin on the Asian dude sitting across the aisle from him on the plane. “Dude, I’m from Detroit,” the Asian dude says. Light laughs from the audience, which is mostly made up of families with tween children and some creepy older loners who probably wanted to be Daniel-san back in the day. My Hardass Asian Mom (HAM) approves of this joke: “Not all Chinese or Asian looking guy speaks Chinese, this is true.”

Meanwhile: Where is my Bananarama remix???

When the Karate Kid and his Mom arrive at the airport, their lady driver is holding a sign Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Liveblogging The Karate Kid Remake With Jen’s Hardass Asian Mama

Filed under: Bananarama, China, Gong Fu, Hardass Asian Moms, Hardass Asian Mothers, Hardass Asian Parents, Inappropriate Crushes, Jackie Chan, Jaden Smith, Kung Fu, Nerds, Tamlyn Tomita, The Karate Kid, The Karate Kid Remake, Unicorns, Wax On Wax Off

Kung Fu Girl Riesling: It’s Yellow! And It Kicks Ass!

How much do I gotta pay you to order Charles Smith Wines’ “Kung Fu Girl Riesling” in public, with a straight face, without your genitals totally shriveling from shame?

Described by her winemakers as a Riesling that “kicks ass” and contains “delicate aromas of stone fruit, white peach, apricot, Asian pear and white spring blossoms,” Kung Fu Girl retails for a mere $12.

So, you know, I’m not going to pay you that much.

[Charles Smith Wines]

Source
Thanks, HawaiiDawg!

Filed under: Charles Smith Wines, Cheap Wine, Embarrassing, Kung Fu, Kung Fu Girl Wine, Racial Drag, Rieslings, White Wine, Wine

Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting (Again)

DreamWorks has announced that they are officially working on a sequel to their animasian money-pooper hit, Kung Fu Panda, with a 3-D sequel slated for release in 2011. Funnyman Jack Black will reprise his role as Po the plucky Panda, and Angelina Jolie her role as the Tigress.

Oh boy! I can’t wait until the release of the next film and am truly looking forward to again seeing Black do…

…stupid kung fu poses…

…in every…

…friggin’…

…goddamn photozzZzzZzzzz.

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Filed under: 3D, Angelina Jolie, Don't Get Me Started on Kung Fu Panda, Jack Black, Kung Fu, Kung Fu Poses, Pointless Sequels, Reprises

HONORASIAN: The RZA

Reasons why RZA should be an honorary member of the tribe:

1. He already belongs to a Chinese clan
2. He’s obsessed with kung fu
3. He supported Hillary Clinton like so many other Asian-Americans
4. He loves him some Prayer Hands
5. A lifelong chess player, he started an online chess website (wuchess.com) last week for fans to simultaneously play and get news about the Wu
6. Dude is foiiiiiiiiine!

Source

Filed under: Buddhist Prayer Hands, Chess Champs, Chinese Clans, Geeks, Hillary Clinton, Kung Fu, RZA, Smoking Hotness, Wu-Tang Forever

Voter Registrasian

The hilarioso fellows at Reno 911 have partnered up with the rocking people of DeclareYourself.com to create a cache of tongue-in-cheek PSAs–challenging demographic groups notorious for low voter turnout (i.e. young people, Asian-Americans) NOT to vote.

Filed under: At Least There Are No Hooker Boots, Bikinis, Declare Yourself, Funny Stuff, Kung Fu, Low Voter Turnout, Not Voting Is Disgrasian, Reno 911, Reprzent

The Ka-Ching-Chong Master Turns 53

Kung-Fu “master” Jackie Chan turns 53 today. Let me first say, Happy Birthday Jackie!
To celebrate Jackoff’s birthday, he’s launched DISCIPLE, a new show on Chinese TV that is a nationwide search for the next Kung-Fu Star.

What the wannabe Jackoff Disciples don’t know is that they’re not only competing in the ancient arts of gong fu, they’re also training to be the next…

…and last but not least…


…the World’s Most Disgrasianest UNCLE TAM.

Thanks for all your work, Jackoff! It will probably only take two lifetimes to undo the damage. Good job, buddy.

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Filed under: Birthdays, Jackie Chan, Jackoffs, Ka-Ching Chong is the new English, Kung Fu, Rush Hour, Uncle Tams