You are currently browsing posts tagged with Knut the Polar Bear

Knut the Cute Gangsta

April 20th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Knut the Cute Panda Killing Polar Bear received a death threat on Wednesday, which was later believed to be a hoax.

“Why would anyone try to kill mich? Ich bin so damn key-ute! Do you want to know a secret? Ich sent the death threat fax myself. Ich bin such a clever boy! Who loves attention and has got two white paws? This polar bear. Shhh! If you know what’s good for you, keep your mouth shut, or you’ll wind up in der Spree just like Yan Yan the Panda. Whee! Look at me! Ich bin adorable!”

Source: Reuters

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Move Over Knut!

April 13th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Holy Paging Pixar. China’s just trotted out a new sickeningly cute ball of fur that isn’t a panda. I don’t even care if this is pathetic Communist propaganda to “keep up with the Germanses.”

World, meet Hu Niu.

“A caretaker feeds an one-month old female tiger cub named ‘Hu Niu’ with a bottle of milk at a zoo in Jinan, east China’s Shandong Province April 12, 2007. ‘Hu Niu’ was born on March 10 but was neglected by her mother ‘Shun Shun’ who is now busy mating.”

Awww. Hu Niu that tigers were such dirty whores? Shun shunning their cubs just so they can screw screw!

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Knut is Cute and Yan Yan is Yesterday’s News

March 28th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

“The euphoria around Berlin Zoos celebrity polar bear cub showed no sign of abating on Wednesday as a music label released a single called “Knut is Cute.”

Pool Music has already sold 3,000 CDs priced at just under 6 euros ($8.01) each but faces tough competition from up to twelve competitors who have been circulating bear-related songs on the Internet.” (Reuters)



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Cute Contest: Fought to the Death

March 27th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

This just in from

“With the eyes of the world on “Cute Knut” the polar bear cub, one of Berlin zoo’s other main attractions, a 22-year-old female panda named Yan Yan, died unexpectedly on Monday, the zoo said.

Yan Yan, meaning “beautiful” in Chinese, had lived at the zoo in the German capital since 1995 and was found dead Monday despite having shown no signs of being ill. Life expectancy for pandas is normally around 34.

Yan Yan was sent to Berlin in the hope that she would produce offspring with the zoo’s mascot Bao Bao, who at 26 is the world’s oldest panda in captivity, but she died without bearing cubs.”

Below is the transcript from the LAST KNOWN CONVERSATION between Yan Yan and Knut:

Knut: Ziss is zee best! All eyes on me! Woo-hoo! Ziss is my belly!

Yan Yan: I remember when I was your age. Not a worry in the world. No expectations, no boyfriends, just life.

Knut: Ich bin ein Polar Bear! Let me lick your face!

Yan Yan: I mean, what’s so great about Bao Bao? Bao Bao has bad breath. Bao Bao is stupid. Bao Bao only likes to drink Coors Light and watch football.

Knut: I do not speakee your language. Ching-Chong, Ching-Chong!

Yan Yan: Hey! That’s some way to talk to an old woman!

Knut: You’re not my mother! Fick you!

Yan Yan: What did you just say? I oughta slap you upside the head with my paw.

Knut: Nanny nanny boo boo stick your head in doo doo.

Yan Yan: I don’t feel so good. Must be the IBS flaring up again.

Knut: A little birdie told me the poison takes twenty minutes. Haha! Look at my ding-dong!

Yan Yan: You. Little. Attention. Whore…

Knut: Bye-bye! Auf wiedersehen! Zai Jian!

Yan Yan: You…speak…Chinese?

Knut: CHING-CHONG CHING-CHONG CHING-CHONG!!! Whee! Ich just peed my fur pants!

Source: Reuters, AP

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