You are currently browsing posts tagged with Kimora Lee Likes to Fight

Red, Red Flags

February 2nd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana
What? Me Worry?

Dear Djimon,

Get out. Get out now. Get out while you’re still safe. While you still have some dignity. While your testicles are still neatly wound up in balls. While you still have a chance. Don’t legally bind yourself into a life like this photo.

Hey–don’t take this the wrong way. It’s just us looking out for you, because even though the above photo has to (Has to!) be a joke, we can’t help but feel that it contains just a teeny-weeny ounce of truth. And frankly, even if halitosis isn’t involved, that really scares us for you.

xoxo,
DISGRASIAN

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Marriage Liberasian

January 29th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

The ink is barely dry on la divorce, but it looks like somebody has already moved on…


**Disclaimer**: This Craiglist ad is, er, probably not real. But, um, God bless you if you needed us to tell you that.

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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Rosemora’s Baby

March 17th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Kimora Lee Simmons denied pregnancy rumors Friday when she spoke at Washington University in St. Louis. “I’m in the paper every single week – that I had a fight with my ex-husband, or that I was mad at one of his girlfriends, or that I’m pregnant, or that I demand Fiji water,” she said. “Lies upon lies upon lies.”

The fauxbulous Simmons also issued a warning to gossip rags, saying, “Y’all better not try to Lisa Marie Presley my ass because I will not go quietly in the night with that. You do that to Kimora Lee, and I guarantee to fuck your shit up.”*

*or something like that

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Suzie Wong’s…Going the Way of Lucky Cheng’s?

February 5th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Last Friday, we reported on the opening of Suzie Wong’s, a downtown NY restaurant where the servers were originally slated to dress like geishas until someone must’ve told them that that idea is fuckin’ lame. Looks like the Disgrestaurant is taking things in another direction with…

…Female Impersonators lubbing you long time!

This particular Suzie Wong got all up in actor Djimon Hounsou’s grill during Friday night’s Baby Phat party at the restaurant:

Kimora is gonna be pissed when she sees this!

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Kimora Lee Simmons

November 30th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

We often get letters that go like this:

Dear DISGRASIAN,

What’s so bad about Kimora? She seems like a nice lady. Maybe you should lay off on her… she supports a good cause now, Green diamonds. Maybe she’s turning over a new leaf! You guys are mean. Try going easier on her.

Sincerely,
Smith “My Two Cents” Lee

We love getting feedback. And we love when The Disgraced do things to redeem themselves. But one thing we can’t allow ourselves to do is go easier on DISGRASIAN Hall-of-Shamers when they haven’t done anything to deserve it.

Kimora Lee Simmons had a shot at being cool. She was smart, like book-smart, an honors student that graduated high school on time even while jetsetting across the world as a full-time working model. She’s a mixed-race child, for whom we always have a very soft spot, because it’s hard enough to be Asian (whole, half, eighth, forty-eighth) without people barking down your hole about not being Asian enough or black enough or white enough or whatever enough. Asians are also categorically ricist and awfully hard on our kin of multiple descents. As a kid she was taunted with terrible names, maybe not for being FOBby or flat-chested, but for being ugly and mixed-race and looking like a “Chinky Giraffe.” Her mother was a Japanese war refugee in Korea, which is both sad and heroic, and means that Kimora has the same kind of painful-yet-distant family roots in a war torn mother land that some of our coolest and most interesting friends do. She was a fashion pioneer–one of the first almond-eyed models ever to grace the Chanel Haute Couture runway (something we’re not convinced Coco ever even thought about happening).

But a more Amazian version of Kimora would take that “chinky giraffe” pain and turn it into something meaningful. She would… respond to “chinky giraffe” the way we would, with a big “fuck you” or “wanna see this amazonian ching chong take an inch off your dick?” or a “take your ‘chink’ and shove it up your ricist fucking ass.”

Instead, she’s known for starting senseless fights, for reveling in money-grubbing and excess. And we just think that’s DISGRASIAN.

Has she changed?

I donno, looks like this week she’s called her ex’s new lady a “stupid bitch” for no reason (typical) and just got served by Macy’s for jacking up her prices (to make MORE Benjamins?)… we’re not convinced she’s changed so much.

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Gongbangin’

November 15th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

gongbang
v.

an assault to the ears of gonging sounds that occurs in movies and television whenever someone or something Asian appears onscreen. see: Long Duk Dong in Sixteen Candles.

gongbanger
n.

one who participates in the crime of gongbanging.

After watching America’s Next Top Model last night, during which Tyra announced at judges’ panel that the remaining contestants were “going to CHIII-NA!!!”, my ears felt like Jodie Foster on the pinball machine in The Accused. Damn, Tyra, I give you props for putting trannies, cross-dressers, voguers, Janice Dickinson, and other people who scare the bejeezus out of middle America on your show, but gonging while you screech the word “China” is so played. Don’t get me started on the lions, that chinky fan you were awkwardly dancing with, or those low-rent martial artists you had swinging swords off to the side of the panel.

America’s Next Top DISGRASIAN


Has your BFF Kimora “Chinky Giraffe” Lee Simmons given you a talkin’ to yet? Because if she doesn’t beat your ass, I sure as shit will.

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Thanks to Erin and Jasmine for the heads-up. Click here to read Jasmine’s post about ANTM’s ricial drag.

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Kimora Than You Can Handle?

October 17th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


KIMORA: Alright bitches, let’s make this happen.

AOKI LEE: I want a pumpkin, mommy!

MING LEE: Please mommy, let’s play!

DJIMON: What’s the hurry? We’re just enjoying ourselves at the pumpkin patch.

KIMORA: Excuse me, did I just hear you assert an opinion? Stay back there where you belong.

AOKI LEE: Pumpkin!

KIMORA: Aoki, keep quiet and work that dress, girl. When we get home Mommy will let you wear some of her dead animals.

DJIMON: I just think that we should let them take their time here. It’s just good, clean, wholesome fun.

KIMORA: It’s free fun, Djimon. And everyone that knows anything knows that free fun isn’t that fun. Let’s go somewhere for dinner where they can kick someone out of a table for us.

DJIMON: Kimora, I’m not sure that the best example we can set for children is to be loud, obnoxious, and greedy.

KIMORA: Are you calling me fat? I am not fat.

DJIMON: I didn’t even say the word fat. I’m talking about setting examples.

KIMORA: What do you know about examples? I’m a mogul! That’s an example for you!

MING LEE: Mommy, my friend’s mommy said that wearing fur is wrong.

DJIMON: (to Ming) Well sweetie, she’s certainly entitled to that belief.

KIMORA: Ming, that whole “fur is fucked” thing is just something poor people say out loud to make themselves feel better about having to buy fake shit.

DJIMON: Kimora.

KIMORA: STAND BEHIND ME!

DJIMON: I’m just saying…

KIMORA: DON’T! SAY! ANYTHING! OR I WILL SHOVE ONE OF MY BOOTS UP YOUR ANUS. AND YOU WILL FEEL IT.

DJIMON: Kimora, I’m not trying to…

KIMORA: Oh boy, here it comes.

DJIMON: Alright, fatty. Bring it.

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When Worlds Collide: Happy Birthday Russell Simmons!

October 1st, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
Kimora Lee Simmons, Brett Fatner, and Russell Simmons at Russell’s “surprise” 50 & Fabulous birthday party


KIMORA: Surprise, Russell! I’m so glad that bitch Hillary didn’t blow this party for you. I was about to fuck her up.

RUSSELL: Now, now, Kimora. You’re talking about possibly the next President of the United States. And remember, we don’t say the b-word or the h-word or the n-word anymore. Not after Oprah shamed me on her show.

KIMORA: You’re right. You’re absolutely right. Gotta keep Oprah happy. Although I remember watching that show and I was, like, I think that bitch is flirting with Russell, and I’m going to fuck that bitch up. I’m sorry, I don’t care if she is Oprah Winfrey, I will fuck her up.

RUSSELL: Kimora, if you keep using the b-word, you are going to seriously skey-rew my legacy. Your mouth and the gay rumors…sheesh.

BRETT FAT: Guys, what’s wrong with the n-word? It’s all in how you say it, man. I told Jackie Chan that, but you know, with Jackie, to quote my own movie, “Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?”…well, that would be a negative. It’s so hard working with Chinamen, you know?

KIMORA: Bitch, you better shut the fuck up before I get all Chinky Giraffe on you.

RUSSELL: Just take the picture. (to photographer) Make me look really butch in this one or I will sic Kimora on you.

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Bitchfight Alert!

August 22nd, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

A partial lineup for Donald Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice was recently announced and includes season one’s bossy bitch Omarosa and our BFF Kimora Lee Simmons. Trump also claims to be in talks with Britney’s people. Alls I know is that a bitchfight is a comin’. And my money is on Kimora Lee. Remember, during season one, when Omarosa hit her head and got what she claimed was a “concussion,” wussed out on some task because of it and then got her ass canned?

Omarosa, gurl, that was child’s play compared to now. You have no idea what you’re in for, and I pity you.

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Welcome to the Dollhouse

August 7th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

For the record, I tried. I tried to Season Pass Kimora: Life in the Fab Lane, which aired this weekend on the Style Network. Every time I tried to record the show, it would appear to be recording and then swiftly disappear. Just when I thought evil gnomes were fucking with my To Do list, I realized that I don’t get the Style Network. It’s too low-rent, even for my low-rent cable package.

So what’s a girl to do?

Reenact the show with Barbie dolls, of course. Here’s how my version of Life in the Fab Lane went down:

Dorothy and Kimora Barbie

“No, I am the gay icon. Hand over the Yorkie and those ruby slippers. And about the rest of that unfabulous frump-fest you’re wearing? Burn it.”

Cher and Kimora Barbie

“Bitch, don’t make me come over there and pull out all your feathers like a Thanksgiving turkey. I am the original diva!”

Hello Kitty and Kimora Barbie

“Hey! Blondie! Don’t you turn your back on me. Do that again and I will beat your ass. I invented Hello Kitty.”

Kwanzaa and Kimora Barbie

“Oh no you didn’t. Tyra is going to be so pissed that you’re stealing her look. So. Pissed.”

Secretary and Kimora Barbie

“It’s 2007 and you are somebody’s secretary? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Get somebody, anybody to answer your phones for YOU. And just so you know, your weave is appalling.”

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Say CheezZz

July 26th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Russell and Kimora Lee Simmons faked still being together gave a tea party recently to debut Baby Phat’s Ming and Aoki Signature Collection, a line of tacky children’s clothes named after their daughters. Ming is older and in pink, and Aoki is in green:

Kimora: Smile everyone! Be Fabulous!

Russell: zZzzZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzZzzzzzzzzz

Kimora: Russell! Wake the fuck up!

Russell: ZzzZzZZzzz….what? I’m awake! Please don’t punch my nuts!

Kimora: Wow. Even I’m getting a little sleepy. Is it possible that I’m so fabulous, I bore mysel—zzzzzzZzzzzzzzzZzZzzzzzZzzzzzZzz

Russell: ZzzZZZZzzZZzzzZZZZzZZzzZzZZZZZZZzzzz not my nuts! zzzzzZZZZZZZZZZzZzZZzZz

Ming: Look at me! I’m pretty!

Aoki: Just take the picture.

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Google Thinks Kimora Is Fat

July 24th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Five minutes ago, when I googled “kimora life in the fab lane”–the name of Kimora Lee Simmons’ reality show that premieres August 5–I received this little gift:

Heeheeheeheeheeheehee…ahem. I’m sorry. I better stop laughing before Kimora comes over to DISGRASIAN HQ to tear my ass up.

Okay, but seriously, aren’t there child labor laws against pimping your children out like this?

Just a question, Kimora. Please don’t hurt me for asking.

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