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#Linsanity, The Valentine’s (Or VaLintine’s) Day Edition: Who Should Be Jeremy Lin’s Basketball Wife?
So Linsanity took, what, all of a week to sweep the nation? Now what?
If Jeremy Lin keeps playing the way he’s been playing, he’s going to have to negotiate a much bigger contract when he becomes an unrestricted free agent at the end of the season. (Currently, he makes the league minimum.) But that’s for his sports agent to figure out.
And dude needs a place to live, since he’s currently–and adorably–crashing with his older brother Josh, who’s in dentistry school at NYU. But that’s for his real estate agent to figure out. Preferably after his sports agent figures out where Lin will be playing next year.
After all that, the next thing Lin ought to figure out is who his “And One” will be. Because nothing–apart from a lot of sparkly man-jewelry–says “I’ve arrived” in the NBA quite like a Basketball Wife, a boo to cheer you on when everyone else is, well, booing your sorry ass. And since it happens to be the holiday of
bitterness, loneliness, cliched expressions of affection, flawed diamonds, deli flowers, teddy bears that give you allergies, cheap boxes of chocolates, and crying yourself to sleep, er, LOVE, I’ve taken it upon myself to be Jeremy’s matchmaker. (And, yes, my ten percent cut can totally come in the form of courtside seats.)
Like it or not, at the moment, Jamie is arguably the most famous young Asian American Continue reading #Linsanity, The Valentine’s (Or VaLintine’s) Day Edition: Who Should Be Jeremy Lin’s Basketball Wife?
Filed under: Basketball, Basketball Wives, Beliebers, Girlfriends, Jamie Chung, Jeremy Lin, Jeremy Lin Girlfriend, Khloe Kardashian, Kim Kardashian, Kismet, Linsanity, Love, Matchmakers, Matchmaking, Michelle Wie, My Funny Valentine, NBA, New York Knicks, New York Sports, Rihanna, Rooney Mara, Selena Gomez, Valentine's Day, Vanessa Bryant
Hmmm… bet somebody‘s happy that the Saints won the Super Bowl!!!
And by “somebody,” I mean every person in America except for the Colts, people that don’t believe in dinosaurs, grouchy Indianapolis mathball devotees, whoever Reggie Bush dumped to bang Kim Kardashian, folks that don’t care about Black people New Orleans, a couple of sour Vikings fans, Tim Tebow, jerkoffs, assholes, and strange hard-nosed people like my sister who show their conviction during the most curious of times, declaring “AFC all the way!!!!” and rooting for the Colts in Super Bowl XLIV even though we–as Steelers lovers–spend every waking moment during the rest of the season hoping for their failure.
So yeah, somebody is totally fucking thrilled!
Filed under: AFC, Angelina Jolie, Bourbon Street, Brad Pitt, Celebrities At Sporting Events, George Bush Doesn't Care About Black People, Indianapolis Colts, Kim Kardashian, Maddox Jolie-Pitt, Minnesota Vikings, New Orleans, New Orleans Saints, NFC Victory, Party Time, Reggie Bush, Saints Beat Colts, Saints Win Super Bowl, Scott Fujita, Super Bowl 44, Super Bowl XLIV, Thrilling Outcomes, Tim Tebow
Kim Kardashian’s new hair hue must be camo or something, cuz we can’t seem to spot her in the crowd anymore:
for half-sis Kim Kardashian (center) in Beverly Hills
KENDALL: I’ll vote for you, too!
KIM: That’s great. I think I’m a Republican. No, a Democrat. No, a hermaphrodite! Oh, I don’t really know. I don’t really care.
KYLIE: You’re a hermaphrodite?
KENDALL: I knew it!
KIM: I learned about one of those in school. Hermaphrodite means, “goddess of love.”
KYLIE: Uhmm… yes, that’s absolutely right.
KENDALL: I want to be a goddess of love!
KIM: Kendall, focus! We’re getting out the vote! Vote for Kim! Vote for Kim!
KYLIE: Kim, we’re not even old enough to vote. We’re not eighteen.
KENDALL: That didn’t stop us from filming our own Girls Gone Wild tape.
KYLIE: That was different. You were nine. I was eleven. We were young and stupid then.
KENDALL: Talk about stupid. You’re stupid. We’re not voting for the President. We’re getting people to vote for Kim on Dancing With the Stars.
KYLIE: You’re stupid!
KENDALL: YOU’RE STUPID!!!
KIM: Girls, girls. Settle down! You’re related to me–odds are, you’re both stupid!
KIM: No, no, that’s GOOD! Trust me. Stupid is sexy. That’s why we all have careers. That’s why you’re on TV! That’s why that secretary lady is running for President! People love stupid!
KYLIE: Are you talking about Sarah Palin?
KENDALL: She’s John McCain’s Vice Presidential nominee.
KIM: What are you talking about?
KYLIE: The secretary lady.
KIM: When in doubt, go “sexy secretary.” That’s what Reggie always says.
KYLIE: That doesn’t make a ton of sense to me.
KENDALL: Me neither.
KIM: Shut up and wear the shirts, you skinny bitches. Do the walk I showed you.
KENDALL: I know you taught us the “make your butt look less jiggly” walk, but neither of us really have much butt to jiggle.
KIM: JUST DO IT!
KYLIE: What are we supposed to say, again? “There goes that glass ceiling?”
KENDALL: No! “Vote for Kim! Vote for Kim!”
KIM: There we go, girls!!! Like sister, like sister. When you grow up, you should be just like me.
From Paula Froelich:
Kim Kardashian became famous for her bodacious booty – but her man wants to trim some of the junk in her trunk. A source tells Page Six that Kardashian, who will wrestle Carmen Electra in the new flick “Disaster Movie,” has been working out extra hard these days at the request of her boyfriend, New Orleans Saint Reggie Bush. “He’s been pushing her to work out hard,” said our source. Sunday, Kardashian was overheard telling a friend at the opening of FUSE nightclub in Nashville that Bush made her run the dunes at Manhattan Beach in California.
Running dunes?? Downsizing her rump?? The last time I ran dunes was… never. And if my boyfriend told me to slim down my ass, he’d soon have a Loeffler Randall boot shoved up in his.
When did Reggie Bush become such a Hardass Asian Boyfriend?
…I LIKE it!