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SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: Hardass Asian Coaches

June 18th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
“The Big Four”: The Boston Celtics’ Ray Allen, Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, and Strength and Conditioning Coach Bryan Doo


RAY ALLEN: Man oh man. We finally get rings. Nothing tops this. Nothing.

KEVIN GARNETT: Didja hear you tied the NBA record for most 3′s in a Finals game tonight? Way to leave it all on the floor, muthafucka.

RAY ALLEN: Really? How about that.

BRYAN DOO: Great work, Ray. You did good. You’re going down in the record books. You’ll have to share that record, but…they’re putting your name down. Right next to the names of Kenny “The Jet” Smith and Scottie Pippen.

RAY ALLEN: So I’m in great company.

BRYAN DOO: You’re right in there with the best. “Tied” with ‘em, which means “just as good,” I guess. (beat) It would’ve been sweet to get that eighth 3 though, wouldn’t it? Ah, man, that would’ve been sweet.

KEVIN GARNETT: Let Ray have his moment, dude.

BRYAN DOO: You’re right. Let’s talk about you, KG. Let’s talk about you and your moment. How does it feel?

KEVIN GARNETT: I don’t have the words. It’s a dream come true.

BRYAN DOO: It was almost perfect, wasn’t it?

KEVIN GARNETT: Almost? Man, it was perfect.

BRYAN DOO: When you pictured this moment as a kid, did you picture doing it in a Celtic uniform? Did you think you’d be crushing a legendary franchise like the Los Angeles Lakers? Did you imagine getting up on that makeshift stage, with confetti falling all around you, accepting the Larry O’Brien trophy in one hand and the Finals MVP in the–

KEVIN GARNETT: We all know that the MVP trophy is going to Paul. And he deserves it. I’m happy for him.

BRYAN DOO: You’re happy for him? That’s cool. Really generous of you.

KEVIN GARNETT: I’ll pick up that MVP trophy next time.

BRYAN DOO: You sure will.

KEVIN GARNETT: Yep.

BRYAN DOO: I mean, if there’s a next time. You never know when you’re going to get back on the big stage. But I’m sure you’re right. Next time, for sure.

PAUL PIERCE: Bryan, what’s eatin’ you?

BRYAN DOO: Who me? Nothing! Why would you say that? I’m happy. I’m thrilled. Look, you’re crushing the Lakers by 39 points. What do I have to be unhappy about? I’m ecstatic! I’m over the moon!

PAUL PIERCE: Alright. Then chill. We’re all getting rings here, including you.

BRYAN DOO: And I’m going to wear mine with pride. I’ll wear it and I’ll always think back to this moment, when we were crushing the Lakers by 39 points, wrapped up together in this awesome man-hug.

KEVIN GARNETT: That’s what I’m talkin’ about.

BRYAN DOO: 39 points! That’s a record.

RAY ALLEN: It’s the biggest blow-out in Finals history, I guess.

BRYAN DOO: Er, not quite. It’s a record for the largest point-margin in a decisive Finals game, which is different from the largest point-margin in a Finals game, which was 42 points, set by the Chicago Bulls in 1998 when they blew out the Utah Jazz–

KEVIN GARNETT: Sweet Jesus, Bryan! Will you just spit it out for god’s sake? Say what you want to say and stop beating around the bush. My ears are bleeding, man! I just won an NBA championship! I’m going to Disney World! My mug’s going on a Wheaties box tomorrow! What kinda problem could you possibly have with that?

BRYAN DOO: No problem, KG! None! I just think, you know, we could all do better sometimes, that’s all. (beat) Hey, who’s up for a three-peat, “Big Three”?

KEVIN GARNETT: I’m depressed.

RAY ALLEN: I feel like a failure.

PAUL PIERCE: Life is meaningless.

Source: ABC

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