You are currently browsing posts tagged with Keanu Reeves
Was Chinese TV show Super Girl cancelled because the singing competition (think American Idol) was too vulgar, or because it allowed viewers to vote (how democratic!) for their favorite contestants? [Jezebel]
No iPhone for the ROK! It looks like Samsung is planning to block the release of the iPhone 5 in South Korea. [ars technica]
Modern Family‘s new Lily is cute. We still miss old Lily (even if she always looked like she was about to fall asleep). [Aol TV]
We find it hard to argue with a deity that insists upon the consumption of Chinese food on Christmas (or any holiday really). [reddit]
First Brother-In-Law Konrad Ng–who’s married to Obama’s sister Maya Soetoro- Continue reading Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian
Quite the Casual Friday: Shanghai man goes to work in his Iron Man suit, which is actually REALLY impressive. [Laughing Squid]
Teen Vogue’s Eva Chen’s personal Tumblr blog is stylish, charming, and totally follow-worthy. [whatever eva wants]
An Aussie newsman attempted to tell the Dalai Lama a joke, which happened to not be funny. But the video is. [Boing Boing]
Pretty B-list, even for B-listers: the wedding of former boy bander Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo will be televised. [PopSugar - thanks, Diana!]
I “dye”! Folks in China are dyeing their pets to look like wild animals, and it’s kinda freakin’ adorable. [CNN - Global Public Square]
Happy birthday to Keanu Reeves, who turns 46 today!
via bruna benvegnu
Dude, why so sad?
Why don’t you go buy yourself a present? Like a new Apple product? That always makes us feel better.
No? Well then, how about you go hang with the Old Spice Guy? He smells really, really good, and maybe some of his Swagger will rub off on you (not a gay reference, BTW, we’d never do that on your bday)?
Feeling scammed by M.I.A.‘s in NYC earlier this month? Hit the free make up show… in Brentwood. Kidding! [NY Mag]
Lisa Ling may be lunching nearby, but keep your eyes on the road! [Zimbio]
We couldn’t let you end the week without seeing this dirty dance-off between Elle magazine’s Joe Zee in a Chanel yeti-suit and Elmo from Sesame Street. [ELLE blogs]
Have you seen Sad Keanu? He’s EVERYWHERE.
He’s been seen having lunch atop a skyscraper sad:
Sweet sixteen sad:
I know I’m gonna be in the
model minority here, but there’s something different about these two wacktors. They’re looking better than usual:
Maybe it’s the beard-fest (yummers…so scruffy), but maybe it’s the Toyota logo. Suddenly Reeves and Brody seem practical, reliable, intuitive, smooth-riding, fuel-efficient, streamlined, forward-thinking, and aesthetically pleasing, for a reasonable price.
Oh Keanu, Keanu, Keanu. We make fun of you an awful lot, and always have (You played Ted! You surfed in Point Break! You thought Speed 2 was a good career move!), but only with the best intentions at heart. You see, we like you! We think you seem like a nice guy, if a bit of a blunt object, and we can’t deny how purty your mug is when it isn’t all scruffed up with face pubes.
So happy 44th birthday, dude! You really do make 44 look good. Have you been using anti-asian cream on that soft skin o’ yours?
Hot damn, nothing, and I mean NOTHING must be going on in the world today (What’s a war? And a food crisis? And an imminent depression cycle?) for this to be headline news in the celebrity blogosphere:
I mean, jeezus, I’m a big proponent of personal hygiene, and find any waxy buildup on anything to be absolutely repugnant–but I really just don’t want to spend one single moment of the day looking into anyone’s orifices (whether they’re cake farting (NSFW) or just getting into their Porsche). Not even on the Interwebs.
For the record, I’ve given the earwax evidence photo one good, long look, and I just don’t see the wax. Maybe I don’t have my glasses on, or maybe the search is just too banal, but I really just don’t see it… Ok, ack, maybe I do see it. EWW. How wet and waxy!
Keanu is one of those fun, purty, mixed-race pups–a charming combination of mostly English, with Hawaiian, Chinese, Irish, and Portuguese. Inside I’ve always wondered which “part” of him dominated– is he basically a Euro-Canadian dipped gently into Polynesian and East Asian flavorings, like a Dairy Queen cone (In other words: Dude’s mostly white, but it’s the Asian parts that make him yummy)? Or is he really a yellow man at his core, with a slight penchant for Jack Johnson and the word “brah”?
Of late, I’ve kind of assumed he was leaning more towards his yellow side. Heck, he dates a woman named China, for chrissake. At least, we think he does…
But remember the NYT story from a few years back? How Japanese scientists identified an earwax gene that identified Euro/Afro earwax as wet-waxy, and East Asian earwax as dry? Well, if that’s the case, I guess our man cannot physically deny that he is mostly wet and waxy, and therefore a Dairy Queen cone.
THE EARWAX HAS HELPED ME FIGURE HIM OUT!
Wow, if ever a massive cultural low could be accomplished by just one person, one lone Asian blogger with a foggy brain and a slight lingering crush on Keanu (from the Speed days, of course), it just happened.
The internet is abuzz, sorta, about new celebrity couple Keanu Reeves and China Chow!
Just Jared, described in the Vanity Fair Blogopticon as a “kinder, gentler celebrity-gossip blog, chockablock with exclamation points!”, seems to have the most pictures of the ghostly, sorta-famous pair, who were described as:
“…play fighting in the water and doing some sort of dance/karate stances along the shore.”
Witness said “karate stance”!
That’s weird, since Jared’s Asian!
That’s not even China Chow doing “karate” on the beach! Let’s compare photos! China is on the left, in a blue bikini, and the much-tanner Karate Lady is on the right, in a black bikini:
I know! I can’t believe I’m doing a bikinalysis either! But wait! It gets worse! There’s also a buttnalysis! The pale midget on the left is China (taken on a different day), the darker Amazon on the right is Karate Lady:
Source: Just Jared
KARATE LADY: Like this?
KEANU: Shake it like a polaroid picture!!
KARATE LADY: Where did you say you learned this again?
KEANU: Ibiza. No, on the set of Matrix: Reloaded.
KARATE LADY: I liked that film.
KEANU: Nobody liked that film, China.
KARATE LADY: I think your accountant did.
KEANU: You’re goddamned right he did.
KARATE LADY: I can’t believe I’m dating Keanu Reeves.
KEANU: Yeah you are! Did Marky Mark ever have pecs like these?
KARATE LADY: Well, I mean, he had pecs. What happened to you?
KEANU: What do you mean?
KARATE LADY: I mean…
KEANU: I’ll tell you what I mean: you’re so beautiful, of course I’ll go out with you. Look at you. You look like a little china doll, China.
KARATE LADY: Actually, powder pecs, if we’re assessing porcelain skin and bones, you’re the china doll here. I look tall and tan and young and lovely.
KEANU: (confused) That’s cool.
KARATE LADY: (confused) Okay.
KEANU: So when do we get to go eat together at Mr. Chow? I love his noodles.
KARATE LADY: Uh yeah, me too.
KEANU: Do you think I should call him “Dad?” or “Mr. Chow?” or “Mr. Dad?”
KARATE LADY: Um, I think I’d prefer a salad at La Scala.
KARATE LADY: Yes, always.
KEANU: Hunh. Okay. Wanna learn a different dance?
KARATE LADY: Sure… (sighs) Are you going to be filming a new Matrix sequel anytime soon?
KEANU: I dunno… Why is everybody always asking me that?
Variety announced today that there is going to be a Point Break sequel, with original co-writer Peter Iliff slated to write and direct. The “surfing crime thriller”–a genre unto itself–will be set in Southeast Asia and financed by RGM Entertainment, a Singaporean-Australian production company.
DUDE. I mean, dUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUde.
I’m so stoked, I’m pitching titles for the sequel:
I Totally Know What You Did Last Summer
Love You Long Board
Charlie Do Surf
Step Into Lombok