You are currently browsing posts tagged with Ka-Ching Chong

I Believe In Celine and Yuna!

December 18th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Guess biz-nas in US have been slow for Dion since she got dropped as the official songstress of HRC’s campaign and took her last bow in Vegas! Celine “Da Diva” Dion has apparently now spread her wings towards the ATMs audiences of Japan, releasing a beautiful new duet with J-Pop star Yuna Ito:

Oh boy! From the soft, meaningful hand grasp at the song’s opening measure, to the creepy intimate eye contact throughout, to the scary hug and awkward thumbs-up warm embrace at the end, this beautiful collaborasian drips with sincerity! No way does it reek of Ka-Ching Chong!

[vomits in mouth]
[buys "A World To Believe In" mp3 single on iTunes]

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Thanks, jRu?

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HPuhhhh-leeze

August 31st, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Afternoon chat at DISGRASIAN HQ:

JEN: Hi Diana!

DIANA: Hey Jen!

JEN: How are you? Cute dress.

DIANA: Thank you. Lovely shoes. Are they A.P.C.?

JEN: No, Loeffler Randall. I love a nude flat.

DIANA: Who doesn’t?

[They relax with their laptops, reading the Times and various blogs]

DIANA (cont’d): Ugh, Gwen Stefani.

JEN: Dude, I’m almost fucking over talking about Gwen Stefani. She bores the bejeezus out of me.

DIANA: Yeah–It’s like she sucks, she’s derivative, she’s annoying… but I wouldn’t even waste the energy hating her if she wasn’t still enslaving those poor Harajuku Girls.

JEN: She won’t listen. She’s up inside her own asshole. She’s so deeply entrenched in her filthy brand of exploitasian. She looks like a man.

DIANA: She bores me. And I’m from Orange County.

JEN: I wouldn’t say that too loud.

DIANA: I represent!

[They continue to work quietly on their laptops.]

JEN: Oh lawd.

DIANA: Hmm?

JEN: I just clicked on this HP ad.

DIANA: You clicked on a computer company link?

JEN: Accident.

DIANA: Oh.

JEN: You won’t believe this site. It’s ill.

DIANA: What is it?

JEN: It’s this awful, cheesy promotional thing called “Gwen Stefani For You” where you make a bunch of idiotic Gwen-themed crap and print it out on your HP printer.

[Jen's eyes narrow as she gazes at...]


JEN (cont’d): Ugh. Gross. Look.

[Diana leans over and clicks on the first link...]


DIANA: Jeezus!

[She clicks back and moves on to...]


DIANA: I might throw up. She doesn’t stop.

JEN: Who buys into this shit?

DIANA: Bajillions of people.

JEN: [Sighs loudly]

DIANA: Still bored?

JEN: Yeah, still bored.

[They continue to work on their laptops.]

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Earth Schmearth

April 30th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


AP reports:

“The United States and China want to amend a major report by U.N.-sponsored climate researchers to play down its conclusion that quick, affordable action can limit the worst effects of global warming, according to documents reviewed Monday by The Associated Press.”

Two previous IPCC reports this year painted a dire picture of a future in which unabated greenhouse gas emissions could drive global temperatures up as much as 11 degrees by 2100, and said animal and plant life was already affected by warmer and rising seas, spreading drought and other effects”

“The 1997 Kyoto pact requires 35 European and other nations to reduce industrial, transportation and agricultural emissions of carbon dioxide and other warming gases by 5 percent below 1990 levels by 2012. Scientists believe emissions must be cut 50 percent or more within decades to avert drastic climate change.

President Bush rejected Kyoto’s mandatory cuts, contending they would hobble the U.S. economy. China and other poor developing countries were exempted.”

TRANSLATION:

UNITED STATES: What in Sam Hell is all this science shmience blarghity foo everyone keeps yappin’ about?

CHINA: We don’t want to make change.

European Union (AND EVERYBODY ELSE IN THE WORLD): Please! For the love of God! The world is crumbling before our very eyes!

UNITED STATES: China, this friggin’ conversation is makin’ my ears tired. It all sounds like friggin Chinese to me, no offense.

CHINA: We will agree with you on this one, oh fat-white-stupid country.

STEPHEN HAWKING (Via Satellite): DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT WE ARE DEALING WITH AN ENVIRONMENTAL CRISIS? THE END IS NEAR. WE ARE DEALING WITH THE END OF THE PLANET AS WE KNOW IT.

UNITED STATES: Aw shit, I think I left the goddamn Hummer running. How much longer is this going to take?

CHINA: We do not want to lose profit.

European Union (AND EVERYBODY ELSE IN THE WORLD): Please, just read the report! We know what we’re talking about.

UNITED STATES: Listen, I don’t know what kind of lab geeks made up this muddle puddle. This report looks like the war in Iran. I mean, Irag. I mean, Iraq. What the hell do science peoples know? How much is this gonna cost?

European Union (AND EVERYBODY ELSE IN THE WORLD): Hundreds. Hundreds of Scientists have contributed to the research of this report.

UNITED STATES: I’ll be honest with ya, I like the smell of burnin’ fossil fuel in the morning. Now git the hell out of my face before I sic a war on you or somethin’!!!

-END TRANSLATION-

*Bonus* fun: Count down with the Doomsday Clock here. Apocolypse now!

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One is the Loneliest Number

April 16th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


AP reports that 7 million+ tickets for the Beijing Olympics went on sale yesterday. Sadly, if you want to go to either the opening or closing ceremonies, you can only buy a ticket for yourself–according to the one-ticket policy:

”As for the one-ticket only, I think that is a problem,” said Wang Wei, executive vice president and secretary general of the Beijing organizing committee.

”China has a huge population and it is really a problem for us to give people the opportunity to watch the Olympics Games.”

In an event telecast across the country on state-run CCTV, Wang acknowledged the one-ticket policy would made it difficult for families to attend the historic event.

”To make the most people happy, we adopted the (one-ticket) policy,” he said.

Though the policy only applies to the opening and closing ceremonies, tickets from other ”high demand sessions” will be limited to two tickets per person.

The chance of getting any ticket is scant for China’s population of 1.3 billion. Tickets in China will be sold on the Web, at Bank of China offices and by telephone.

A ONE TICKET policy for the most important and exciting events at the Games? What’s the point of going, then? It’s like going to see Too Fast and Too Furious without having a pal next to you to hand you tissues when you cry–or whisper “My god, Paul Walker is hot” in your ear when he’s onscreen, er, acting.

And if I can’t reach for the torch with Jen next to me, I’m not going.

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Mummy Lee

March 31st, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Conversation between director Rob Cohen and actor Jet Li re: production of the upcoming blockbuster, The Mummy 3:


ROB COHEN: So you’ll do it then? You’ll play the villain in The Mummy 3?

JET LI: Explain to me again what this has to do with Pyramids.

ROB COHEN: Terra Cotta Warriors, dude. There are all kinds of the walking dead. It’s mysterious. It’s Mummy.

JET LI: Is Brendan Fraser in it? Is Rachel Weisz in it?

ROB COHEN: Um, I, I mean, probably man. Anyway, think of the moves you can use! You’re the undead! You’re like the kung-freakin-fu undead!

JET LI: I vowed never to do another action movie.

ROB COHEN: This isn’t action, man… it’s FACTION. These are facts we’re dealing with.

JET LI: I don’t think you used the word “faction” correctly.

ROB COHEN: Buddy, I know all about post World War 1 China.

JET LI: How?

ROB COHEN: Jet, I directed The Fast and the Furious. I’m down with the Ornamentals, if ya know what I mean.

JET LI: What do you know about my people?

ROB COHEN: What do you know about my people?

JET LI: Good point.

ROB COHEN: Do you like money? Do you like girls? Do you like action? Why would you vow against action?

JET LI: You’re right. I love money.

ROB COHEN: We all do.

JET LI: It smells good.

ROB COHEN: So you’ll do it then?

JET LI: But what do I have to do with the Pyramids?

ROB COHEN: Nothing.

JET LI: I’m in. Call my agent.

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