You are currently browsing posts tagged with Judasians

Dan Adler Is The Key-Raziest Congressional Candidate The World Has Ever Seen

May 13th, 2011 | 1 comment | Posted by Jen

What you’re about to see is real. Dan Adler is not a troll. Dan Adler is a Democratic candidate running for a seat in California’s 36th congressional district. Apropos of nothing, Dan Adler’s wife is Korean.

This message was not paid for by Dan Adler for Congress.

So, apparently when you have a hobbit running your congressional campaign, magical things happen.

“WHASSA MENSCH”?!

Gosh, I’m glad you asked, Korean Immigrant Dry Cleaning Lady With Issues! You see, a mensch is a stand-up guy, a person of great integrity. Kinda like a hobbit with less hairy feet.

Oh, and also: a mensch is someone who “gets shit done.” Just ask any Old White Weight Lifting Lady Surrounded by Brown Men in Banana Hammocks!

Continue reading Dan Adler Is The Key-Raziest Congressional Candidate The World Has Ever Seen

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Alvin Wong, Happiest Person In America

March 7th, 2011 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Alvin Wong with his wife, Trudy Schandler-Wong

Name: Alvin Wong

Age: 69

Ethnicity: Chinese American

Religion: Judaism

Occupation: Business owner and Happiest Person in America

According to data collected by Gallup over the last three years that was then plugged into a formula called the Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index, the statistical composite for the happiest person in the U.S. is:

…tall, Asian-American, observant Jew who is at least 65 and married, has children, gets lei-ed lives in Hawaii, runs his own business and has a household income of more than $120,000 a year.

Alvin Wong, a 5’10″, 69 year-old health care management business owner, fits that bill. But is he the only one? I mean, how many tall, Asian American, observant Jews 65-and-over do you know?

(In light of the fact that the median income for Jews and Asian Americans is not only similar but exceeds the national average, the $120 thou a year part is a given. Jews are reputed to have slightly higher divorce rates than non-Jews, while Asian Americans have slightly lower divorce rates, so when combined the marriage thing is a non-factor. And remember, this is all junk science, so no emails about this being junk science and stereotype-dredging. I mean, duh.)

Since Diana and I both suck at math, I had a Physics professor friend of mine–not my Hardass Asian Dad, incidentally–crunch the numbers for me. Here are his findings based on the data I provided for him:

Continue reading AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Alvin Wong, Happiest Person In America

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BABEWATCH: Pretty Little Liars’ Eric Steinberg

January 4th, 2011 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Pretty Little Liars is a terrible show, but I’m not going to lie: I’m hooked on it. The series, which centers around a group of girls dealing with the fallout from the murder of one of their besties, Alison, aspires to be like Twin Peaks for teens, or, as I like to call it, Tween Peaks (and yes, I coined that term), but it lacks the psychological depth to actually pull it off. So while the murdered girl is the show’s alleged raison d’etre, it’s really about its other mysteries. Like, how Aria is kind of a dead ringer for Winnie Cooper, albeit a miniature one. Or how the teacher Aria’s hooking up with, Mr. Fitz, would be cute only the haircut they’ve given him is all wrong and makes the top of his head look giant. (Not to mention the fact that he wears vests all the time, which is just, eww.) Then there’s the question of whether Emily is really gay or just a LUG and either way, what does she see in that creepy sisterfucker Toby Cavanaugh besides his mixtape-making abilities?

Or, like, who is that hot piece who plays Emily’s father, Lt. Col. Fields, just back from Afghanistan, who was heavily featured in last night’s season premiere, wherein Emily comes out to him?

This is what I can tell you about that: His name is Eric Steinberg. He’s Judasian. He used to be on The Young and the Restless. According to Wikipedia, his father is a professor of Asian studies at Georgetown, and his mother is Korean soprano Ann Myungsook Lee. Also: his wife on Pretty Little Liars is played by Nia Peeples, and his daughter is played by Shay Mitchell, both of whom are of Filipino descent, which means the Fieldses, who are ethnically ambiguous on the show, are officially one of us. One mystery–solved!

[Pretty Little Liars official site]

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Are Asians The New Jews?

March 4th, 2010 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

The ever-thoughtful Jeff Yang posed an interesting question in his Asian Pop column last week: “Is it really kosher to call Asians the ‘new Jews’?”

[photo via The NY Times]

Jeff’s piece on the Judasian connection focuses on the parallels between the two cultures, particularly when it comes to education, both in how it’s valued and how it’s been an area where both groups have experienced a similar kind of discrimination (in the form of admissions quotas).

He interviews one James Chen, founder of a college guidance firm called Asian Advantage College Consulting, which specifically helps Asian American college applicants work around admissions quotas–that tend to judge Asians as a homogeneous group–by teaching them how to stand out among their ethnic peers.

“Our whole focus is on helping Asian American high school students get into great colleges,” says Chen. “And the biggest thing we have to address is that most of our clients come to us having been steered toward math and science, playing piano and violin, and hoping to become doctors or engineers. That’s what their parents have pushed them towards.”

“We always say: DON’T BE YOURSELF. And by that we mean, break the Asian Robot mold. If they’re young enough, we push them to get away from math clubs and science contests. Choose things that are out of the box for Asian students. Drama. School musicals. Go to Shakespeare Camp. Join the newspaper. And absolutely play a sport!”

So, in other words, there’s a company that caters solely to Asian kids to help them be Continue reading Are Asians The New Jews?

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BABEWATCH: WABC-TV Anchor Liz Cho

August 4th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Name: Liz Cho

Age: 37

Occupation: Local news anchor

Why She’s a Babe: In 2003, Cho, who’s Koreish (half-Korean, half-Jewish), was named by People as one of its 50 Most Beautiful People. She’s inspired a website called Liz Cho Is Awesome, which deemed her “the next Katie Couric, Jane Pauly, and Joan Lundon all rolled into one.” And Asylum recently counted the WABC news anchor among its “Top 19 Hottest Newscasters in America.” Us? We love her strong features, particularly that long face and those sculpted cheekbones, which kinda remind us of Cher circa Mermaids (i.e. masculine but pretty, before all of the wack plastic surgery). We also like that this Korean surgeon’s daughter keeps it classy in her off-hours, and despite being universally hailed as a babe, she’s never snapped flaunting her assets all over the place like so many other of her peers.

[Asylum: The Top 19 Hottest Newscasters in America]

Source
Thanks, Raymond!

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