You are currently browsing posts tagged with Jon Gosselin
4 year-old does 1,500 push-ups in 40 minutes. Speaking for myself, I can probably eat about 1,500 French fries in 40 minutes. [BuzzFeed]
In reality television news, a Kate Gosselin dating show is in the works. Hair-plug sporting, Ed Hardy wearing sunburnt d-bags need not apply. [Just Jared]
Speaking of the Gosselins, the Gosselin kids are getting $200,000 for “Kate Plus 8″. Meanwhile, papa Jon Gosselin gets $70,000 not to appear on the show. [NYDN]
You can pay $4 to throw a live chicken to lions for feeding at a wildlife park outside of Beijing. Fork over $60 and you can chuck in a live goat. Bet that new Harry Potter them park in Orlando doesn’t sound so exciting now. [AFP]
Guess who wasn’t so hot on K-pop star Rain winning an MTV Movie Award for “Biggest Badass Star”? His 2008 dance battlin’ nemesis, Stephen Colbert. [Colbert Nation - thanks, Hau!]
The Daily Beast put together a nifty slideshow recapping bloggers getting in trouble with the law. From a loyal DISGRASIANtern to her two lady blogging bosses: be careful! [The Daily Beast]
Hailey Glassman, Jon Gosselin’s jilted ex, tweeted a photo yesterday–obviously phony–of the “stubby” penis she shared with Kate Gosselin and a few other mediocre chicks. (Warning: DO NOT click the picture link if you throw up easily. Or if you’re at work.)
Let me first just say that as an admirer of fine penises, I am deeply offended by this photo.
And then I will add to that statement that CALLING YOUR FORMER RIDE “NASTY” SIMPLY SHOWS THAT YOU ARE WILLING TO SETTLE AND SMOOSH YOUR MOIST ORIFICES ON A SAD, HIDEOUS DICK. Such a statement shames you far more than the owner of said penis–he didn’t have a choice.
Augh, what a wicked game Glassman is playing. It’s a contest in which nobody wins. Especially not me. I feel like I need to take a shower and watch some good porn to wash this sad image away. Or borrow my friend’s copy of Guys Gone Wild. Or my sister’s old Playgirls.
Jeez, did I ever really think that Jon Gosselin was the biggest fame whore of this bunch?
Filed under: 15 Minutes of Fame, Airing Dirty Laundry, DISGWITTER, Famewhore Twitterers, Hailey Glassman, Hideous Dicks, Horrific Images, Jon Gosselin, Jon Gosselin's "Stubby" Penis, Kate Gosselin, Magic Weiner, Mediocre Chicks, Shameful Behavior, Shameful Sex Acts, Small Penis Jokes, Small Penises, Trash Talking, Tweets, Twitter
And you know what’s not tiny? The yeast infection I’m getting looking at those cheap hooker panties.
If you’ll excuse me…
Filed under: Cocks, Dicks, Hailey Glassman, Hooker Bitches, Jon and Kate Plus 8, Jon Gosselin, Jon Gosselin Dick, Kiss-And-Tell, Magic Weiners, Mixed People, That's What You Get For Going Out With Hookers, Tiny Penises, Yuck
Ladies and Gents, it’s been quite a year: Dubya left the building, Laura and Euna came back to us safely, Miley got goofy, Nadya Suleman lips got tabloid time, Kanye lost his hand, the Gosselins aired every last Garanimal of their dirty laundry, and Tiger Woods fell off his hookerbitch-lovin’ pedestal.
DISGRASIAN also got a makeover.
Frankly, we’re pooped. So we’re taking the rest of the year off for a little shaming break.
But before we go, we thought we’d mention our plans for celebrasian–which include a bit of donasian to Hyphen Magazine!
Alright, maybe we’re a little biased because they’ve spent some of their non-profit funds photographing us this year. But we also believe in Hyphen–what they do and how they do it is an inspirasian to us all.
Filed under: 2009, Donasians, Dubya, Euna Lee, Hyphen Cover, Hyphen Magazine, Jon Gosselin, Kanye West, Kate Gosselin, Laura Ling, Miley Cyrus Chink Eye, Nadya Suleman, President Barack Obama, See you in 2010, Taking a Hating Break, The Gosselins, Tiger Woods
I don’t smile when a marriage splits up. Breakups are sad and awful things, and the end of a marriage is hardly a joke–they are painful for too many parties, from the parents to the kids to the kids’ teachers to mutual friends to the restaurant managers that always give married couples a free dessert after dinner to bubbly dry cleaner ladies that love to ask about how the other half is doing. The only people that enjoy divorces are lonely, angry folks and lawyers.
By no means a happy thing, but perhaps it is cause for celebrasian… for us all. This divorce brings the horrible couple one step closer to finality–or at least to taking their idiotic conflict offline, hopefully forcing them to focus on what’s gonna neutralize all of the shit they’ve put their kids through rather than their childish back-and-forth.
Meanwhile, the rest of us can all take a deep breath and the necessary 14 seconds to forget they ever existed.
So CONGRATULASIANS, Jon and Kate. We all probably need to get some closure and move on.
Filed under: Celebrasian, Divorce, Famous-For-Nothings, Fresh Divorces, Fucking Up Your Kids, Go Awaysian, Gosselin Kids, Gosselins Finalize Divorce, Jon and Kate Divorce, Jon and Kate Plus 8, Jon Gosselin, Kate Gosselin, Sad Things, The Gosselins
Jon Gosselin, who once “took a lot of abuse” from his estranged wife, Kate, is making some real changes in his life, taking the path to a stronger place.
For instance, as he told ParentDish, he is like, totally “together” with girlfriend Hailey Glassman. And he spends all his time with her ‘cuz she’s like, his best friend! And she’s sooooo different from Kate. She’s Jewish too, so he’s gotten really into Judaism–he like, loves challah bread–and is even looking into converting! Did we mention that Hailey is sooo different from Kate? Kate was mean! So was Christian Audigier! Anyway, he loves Hailey like, so much!
Jon Gosselin isn’t an asshole, he’s just a pussy. Somebody call me when this dude gets a scrotum and we’ll talk about whether or not he’s “changed.”
TLC announced Tuesday morning that, as of Nov. 2, Jon Gosselin will be dropped from the reality show Jon & Kate Plus 8.
Can you imagine being KILLED OFF THE SHOW OF YOUR OWN LIFE?! Does that mean Jon Gosselin even exists anymore? While we’re at it, can he be deleted from our collective consciousness, too?
Meanwhile, TLC is currently in talks with Corey Haim, Matt LeBlanc, and Mario Lopez to replace Jon Gosselin in the role of Jon Gosselin, so as not to confuse viewers or the Gosselins’ eight young children.
“’I will take a lie detector test and I would love for Jon to take a lie detector test because for him to say there was no romance is a complete lie,’ Major tells HLN’s ‘Showbiz Tonight’ in an interview set to air Wednesday night… I think I was in lust with him, but no, I didn’t love him,’ she says, adding, ‘I despise him.’”
Jeesh, I thought in rambles as I read the above quote just before drifting off to Sleepyland last night. Lots of despisin’ goin’ on around that dude. They should just change the show name to ‘Jon and Kate and Everyone We Hate.’ Ha! Good one, me (yawn)! Everyone’d be puffy and semi-hideous on that show and they’d just be hatin’ on haters. What the hell is it with that dude (yawn) anyway? I don’t fucking get it. He seriously much have the dick of the centuryzzZZZzzz…
Then, last night, I had dream that I was in love with Jon Gosselin.
We walked in the park. We cuddled in a back seat. We relaxed on a blanket on the shore.
And he was wonderful! He didn’t talk; in fact, his head wasn’t even really a head–it was more of a watermelon, and then it was a blurry blob, and then it was Ted Danson’s head. But I knew it was Jon.
Ooh! And he was so warm. So warm and soft. His whole body was soft, like one of those memory foam pillows. He was a wonderful, fat, squooshy, puffy pillow.
I loved him.
No wait, I despised him. But I loved him.
I THINK I NEED TO TAKE A BREAK FROM READING THIS SHIT. FOR REAL.
In an effort to fire back at his soon-to-be ex Kate Gosselin after she gave a much buzzed-about interview to Meredith Vieira on The Today Show a few weeks ago, Jon Gosselin will appear on Today show-competitor Good Morning America next week and tell “his side” of the story
for the thousandth time.
As I watched this latest installment of He Said, She Said from the reality TV couple, I couldn’t help thinking of that 1979 cult horror classic, When a Stranger Calls. You know, the one starring frizzy, funny-eyed Carol Kane as a babysitter who keeps getting crank calls from a deranged dude asking, “HAVE YOU CHECKED THE CHILDREN?”
Have they checked the children? You know, the eight children they have together? The children who’re growing up with the rich inheritance of seeing both their parents publicly slag one another over and over again? The children they got famous off of? Who’s checking the children while Mommy acts the martyr on Larry King Live and The Today Show? Who’s checking the children while Daddy hosts pool parties in Vegas and claims to be the abused spouse on Good Morning America? What’s Carol Kane up to these days? Can she go check the children?!
Filed under: Abuse Victims, Ed Hardy, Go Away, Good Morning America Jon Gosselin Interview, Have You Checked the Children?, Jon and Kate Plus 8, Jon Gosselin, Kate Gosselin, Twitter Douches, When a Stranger Calls
“Fuck you, TLC! Why don’t you take your fuckin’ morals and fuckin’ shove ‘em? Do you see me? Hostin’ a pool party in Vegas. I’m gonna be a fashion designer, dudes, so I ain’t gonna need your dumb baby-parenting show anymore. I have officially arrived.
My god, I am livin’ the life… livin’ the G.D. life, aight? Fame and uh, fortune. Bitches, bikinis and booze, yo. Look how large I’m rollin’.
Ahem. You may try to squash my Ed Hardy promo tour, but I will make you regret the day you ever put me on camera, touting me as a good parent. Ya hear that? YOU WILL REGRET IT. I AM NOT A GOOD PARENT. SO THERE.“
Filed under: 15 Minutes of Fame, Awful Clothing, Bad Parenting, Christian Audigier, Douchebags, Ed Hardy, Enough Already, Jon and Kate Plus 8, Jon Gosselin, Las Vegas, Pool Party, Ways to Fuck Up Your Kids
After watching Kate Gosselin’s interview on the Today Show Monday, we’re starting to believe that she’s more Asian than her soon-to-be-ex Jon.
Not only did she tell Meredith Vieira, “I wake up, and I feel a lot of failure” (around the 3:05 mark) concerning the end of her marriage, she also sounded a whole lot like a Hardass Asian Mama–one part stiff upper lip, one part guilt trip–when she said:
“I want my children to see a mother who is committed to her children, who’s determined, who has integrity, perserverance, and never gives up. I want my children to see that everything I’ve done for them is out of love.” (3:30)
Jon, meanwhile, was supposed to counter later that day in an interview with Ryan Seacrest on E! News that was mysteriously canceled at the last-minute. One hundred bucks says he’s scrambling to find a new PR team to make him seem like less of a douchetard loser as public sympathy grows for Kate, wackass hair, shrewish tendencies and all.
Good luck with that, buddy.