You are currently browsing posts tagged with Jon and Kate Plus 8

Hailey Glassman Talks Jon Gosselin’s Magic Weiner

February 12th, 2010 | 12 comments | Posted by Jen

Jon Gosselin’s ex, Hailey Glassman, is on the cover of Steppin’ Out–”NY & NJ’s #1 Entertainment Magazine,” apparently–and blabbing about how the father of eight’s magic weiner is “tiny, tiny, tiny.”

“Judge This Haters”? WHERE. TO. BEGIN.

And you know what’s not tiny? The yeast infection I’m getting looking at those cheap hooker panties.

If you’ll excuse me

[via HuffPo]
[Steppin' Out magazine]

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D-I-V-O-R-C-E Spells Relief

December 18th, 2009 | 1 comment | Posted by Diana

I don’t smile when a marriage splits up. Breakups are sad and awful things, and the end of a marriage is hardly a joke–they are painful for too many parties, from the parents to the kids to the kids’ teachers to mutual friends to the restaurant managers that always give married couples a free dessert after dinner to bubbly dry cleaner ladies that love to ask about how the other half is doing. The only people that enjoy divorces are lonely, angry folks and lawyers.

This morning, I learned that Jon and Kate Gosselin, who we’ve all seen and talked about too much this year, have finally finalized their divorce.

Jon and Kate say, "Late."

Jon and Kate say, "Late."

By no means a happy thing, but perhaps it is cause for celebrasian… for us all. This divorce brings the horrible couple one step closer to finality–or at least to taking their idiotic conflict offline, hopefully forcing them to focus on what’s gonna neutralize all of the shit they’ve put their kids through rather than their childish back-and-forth.

Meanwhile, the rest of us can all take a deep breath and the necessary 14 seconds to forget they ever existed.

So CONGRATULASIANS, Jon and Kate. We all probably need to get some closure and move on.

[Celebrity Gossip: Jon And Kate Have Finalized Their Divorce]


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Jon Gosselin, Abuse Victim

September 2nd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

In an effort to fire back at his soon-to-be ex Kate Gosselin after she gave a much buzzed-about interview to Meredith Vieira on The Today Show a few weeks ago, Jon Gosselin will appear on Today show-competitor Good Morning America next week and tell “his side” of the story for the thousandth time.

ABC has already cut together a sneak peek of the interview, in which Jon intimates that Kate was gone all the time on her book tours, and that he “took a lot of abuse” from his estranged wife.

As I watched this latest installment of He Said, She Said from the reality TV couple, I couldn’t help thinking of that 1979 cult horror classic, When a Stranger Calls. You know, the one starring frizzy, funny-eyed Carol Kane as a babysitter who keeps getting crank calls from a deranged dude asking, “HAVE YOU CHECKED THE CHILDREN?”

Have they checked the children? You know, the eight children they have together? The children who’re growing up with the rich inheritance of seeing both their parents publicly slag one another over and over again? The children they got famous off of? Who’s checking the children while Mommy acts the martyr on Larry King Live and The Today Show? Who’s checking the children while Daddy hosts pool parties in Vegas and claims to be the abused spouse on Good Morning America? What’s Carol Kane up to these days? Can she go check the children?!

(One thing Jon Gosselin’s definitely checking is his Twitter feed. Yup, that’s right. The Other Puff Daddy joined Twitter this week.)

[ABC News: Jon Gosselin Speaks Out]

Thanks, Jasmine!

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Please, God, Let This Be Jon Gosselin’s 15th Minute

August 31st, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

“Fuck you, TLC! Why don’t you take your fuckin’ morals and fuckin’ shove ‘em? Do you see me? Hostin’ a pool party in Vegas. I’m gonna be a fashion designer, dudes, so I ain’t gonna need your dumb baby-parenting show anymore. I have officially arrived.

My god, I am livin’ the life… livin’ the G.D. life, aight? Fame and uh, fortune. Bitches, bikinis and booze, yo. Look how large I’m rollin’.

Ahem. You may try to squash my Ed Hardy promo tour, but I will make you regret the day you ever put me on camera, touting me as a good parent. Ya hear that? YOU WILL REGRET IT. I AM NOT A GOOD PARENT. SO THERE.

[NY Mag: Christian Audigier and Jon Gosselin Want to Design a Kids’ Line Together]
[Access Hollywood: Jon Gosselin Hosts Vegas Pool Party, Kate Throws Bash Of Her Own]


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Us Weekly’s Fuh-reaking Out that Jon & Kate Are Yesterday’s News

August 5th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Us Weekly seemed hardly able to contain its glee when it reported Tuesday that Jon & Kate Plus 8‘s ratings have dropped 61 percent after a month-long hiatus following the couple’s on-air announcement that they were separating. The first line of the news item read:

“Jon and Kate Gosselin returned to TLC Monday night, but many of their fans didn’t.”

The piece went on to mention that the ratings for Monday night’s back-to-back episodes “were also down significantly from the May 25 premiere, which brought in 9.8 million viewers,” implying that viewers are less interested in Jon and Kate now that they’re not one big happy family anymore.

But in reality, the exact opposite is true. The last episode before the show’s month-long hiatus was the one in which viewers learned that Jon and Kate were separating after 10 years of marriage. There was significant media build-up prior to that episode that suggested the couple would be announcing their intention to divorce on-air. So, a record 10.6 million people tuned in.

The May 25 premiere, which set a show-ratings record at the time, also followed intense media speculation–weeks of it, in fact, by folks like Us Weekly–that one or the other of the pair was cheating and that their marriage was in trouble.

Compare these numbers to the ratings for last season’s Jon & Kate finale: 4.6 million. That was back in March, when no one thought anything was wrong with Jon and Kate’s marriage (except, maybe, that Kate was a nag), and, at the time, it was the highest-rated episode of the show EVER. The ratings for Monday night’s episodes that Us claims lost so many fans, meanwhile, were in the same range: 3.9 million for the first half-hour, 4.1 million for the second.

The conclusion here? Viewers of Jon & Kate Plus 8 doubled when their marriage started to tank. Those new viewers weren’t fans so much as schadenfreude-junkies. People’s lives falling apart–isn’t that the grist of reality TV? Once the Gosselins revealed that their marriage was, in fact, over, there wasn’t enough of a carcass to pick over anymore. Moving on… If you look at the numbers closely, the show doesn’t appear to have lost any of its loyal fan base (although god knows why, we’ve never been able to sit through an entire episode, too many children crying at once, thank you very much).

So why report it this way? Perhaps because Us Weekly has profited enormously from the Gosselins’ marriage failing–producing six consecutive covers this summer featuring either Jon or Kate–and they’re not quite done feasting off that carcass’ bones?

[Us Weekly: Jon & Kate Plus 8 Ratings Drop 61 Percent After Hiatus]
[HuffPo: Us Weekly Cover Features Jon & Kate For 6th Week In A Row]

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Everybody H8s Jon Not Kate

July 21st, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Ruh-roh. Jon Gosselin has a PRoblem (that’s a PR-problem).

A month ago, when Kate filed divorce papers, Popeater conducted a poll, and the majority of people sided with Jon. But recently, they conducted the same poll, and the results flip-flopped.

The lesson here?

Moving far away from your kids, trotting out your new 22 year-old girlfriend in the south of France, partying aboard a yacht, and looking like a douchetard one month after your divorce does not, as it turns out, make people love you.

Who knew???

[Popeater: Public Sympathy Shifts from Jon to Kate]


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Jon Gosselin’s Douchewear Endorsement Deal

July 13th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Three weeks after his wife filed for divorce, Jon Gosselin took a weekend trip to St. Tropez with his 22 year-old girlfriend Hailey Glassman (not this one, this one), daughter of the surgeon who performed Kate’s tummy tuck, where they spent an afternoon on “designer” Christian Audigier’s yacht.

But the weekend wasn’t all about fun in the sun for DISGRASIAN’s favorite Puff Daddy, who’s reportedly working out some kind of endorsement deal with Audigier, the man behind Von Dutch, Ed Hardy, his own eponymous line, and those giant billboards around L.A. mourning the loss of Michael Jackson.

As next career moves go, Jon Gosselin shilling for an overpriced–the tee he was snapped wearing in St. Tropez, above, retails for $187–eye-assaulting douchewear emporium sounds just about right.


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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Kate "Mommy D’Eau-est" Gosselin

June 12th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

“Kate Gosselin Should Be Sent to Jail.”

“Kate Gosselin Is A Monster.”

“Kate Gosselin might be the devil.”

These were just some of the blogosphere headlines that sprang up in the last 24 hours after this candid camera-oops of Kate Gosselin denying her twin daughter Mady water before an Access Hollywood interview found its way onto the internet:

Okay. Now that we got that over with, everybody take a deep breath and a fuckin’ chill pill, alright?

We don’t know if Kate Gosselin is a bad mother. We don’t know if 8 year-old Mady really hadn’t had water all day or she was just being a drama queen (Google her name and you’ll get “bitch,” “devil’s child,” and “needs discipline”). We don’t have any context for this moment, and we sure as shit don’t know what it’s like to have 8 kids and how that works your nerves.

But we do know one thing–this is no way to treat your Talent. And that’s precisely what those kids are, considering the Gosselins’ payout per Jon & Kate Plus 8 episode is $50,000-$75,000, not to mention all the free shit they receive, like those his-and-hers motorcycles and Kate’s plastic surgery. Plus, the kids are the reason why most people tune in in the first place. Sure people are still interested in Jon and Kate, but mostly, these days, for the schadenfreude. We delight in seeing Kate become more of a controlling, henpecking biatch and Jon an ineffectual, emasculated fat-face. We think there’s some relationship-truth to be gleaned from watching theirs fall apart, a pearl of wisdom in their misery that explains the essential difference between men and women and makes us feel better about ourselves. We’re busy picking sides (Team Jon and Team Kate tees, anyone?) while simultaneously reveling in both teams’ failure. If we want them to reconcile, it’s partly because we know that it would make for really “good TV.”

But the kids? They just work here–in this dismal, falling-apart, faking-it-for-the-cameras, cash cow-”reality.” And they are adorbs, the silver lining of an otherwise sad, sad cloud. So somebody–whether it’s their mom or an obsequious P.A.–better be getting them some top-of-the-line bottled water (we’re thinking Fiji) when they ask for it. Because they’ve fucking earned it.

Thanks, Erica and Jasmine!

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Octomom–Not Such a Crazy Person After All?

June 1st, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Wait, wut? Did Octomom just say something that sounded kinda sane?

Nadya Suleman, single mother of 14, recently signed on to star in a TV series that is being called a “quasi-reality” show (seems appropriate, doesn’t it?). But when asked if it would resemble another show about a family comprised largely of multiples, Jon & Kate Plus 8, Suleman’s attorney, Jeff Czech, spoke on her behalf and said, “She’s been watching them a bit lately and thinks it’s boring.”

Is Octomom not so crazy after all? Maybe.

That’s a BIG maybe, mind you.


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Jon & Kate Plus WTF Is That Hair?! Part 2

May 15th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

On the very day that I wondered WTF was up with Kate Gosselin’s schizoid hair, she and Jon gave an “exclusive” to Entertainment Weekly (question: is it still considered an exclusive when she also gave an interview to People in the same week?), wherein she talked about her hair and how “(e)verybody wants it.”

It’s my attitude! Everybody wants it. It’s work. I have very, very thick hair, so it’s not going to work for everybody. I’ve seen people come through the book line with thin hair and it’s just won’t work. My hair stylist gets calls from all across the country.

Uh, everybody, Kate?

We know how much you hate lies. And guess what? So do we.

Thanks, Erica!

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Jon & Kate Plus WTF Is That Hair?!

May 13th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

We now interrupt our regularly scheduled Jon & Kate Plus 8 Plus He Said, She Said Plus Tabloid Drama Plus A Publicist’s Worst Nightmare/Wet Dream Plus Jon Maybe Cheating with That 23 Year-Old Schoolteacher Plus Kate Maybe Cheating with Her Bodyguard Plus Who Could Blame Kate Since the Bodyguard Looks Like James Brolin Circa His Courtship with Babs Plus We Still Don’t Know Why We’re Talking About This Since the Show Bores Us to Tears…(deep breath) to bring you A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE.


What the fug is up with Kate Gosselin’s hair?!

From the front, it looks like a sleek bob, chic but low-maintenance enough for the Octomom lifestyle.

From the back, it looks like a freak Weed Wacker hair abortion.

Together, it reminds me of Harvey Dent/Two-Face.

Does bad hair make for a bad marriage? Maybe, maybe not. But it certainly can’t be considered a plus.

[ Why Women Let Themselves Go]


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Jon & Kate–Still Doing Gr8?

April 30th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

It’s getting increasingly difficult to defend Jon Gosselin: the pudgy, frustratingly meek father from Jon & Kate Plus 8. Our position hasn’t changed dramatically–we’re not suddenly saying he’s a bad guy.

But he himself has stated that he exercises bad–well, “poor”–judgment sometimes.

Y’know, the kind of poor judgment that causes a man to ignore the fact that he’s a relatively famous reality TV dad, and get piss-drunk at a bar while surrounded by phone cameras and college co-eds? Or, most recently, inspires that very same man to voyage out (while his wife is in another state promoting her book) to a different bar–this time with a female friend he refers to loudly to as “babe,” bail from the watering hole at last call, panic at the sight of photographers and their mean ol’ lenses as they snap away, and have the “babe” speed off in his SUV, him riding shotgun, without so much as turning the headlights on?

Poor judgment, indeed. We’ve gotta say, we don’t know for sure what shenanigans Mr. Gosselin is up to in his free time away from Capt. Wifey. But we do know that this guy makes a lot of mistakes.

And Asians hate few things more than a bunch of fuckin’ stupid mistakes.


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