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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! A Few Words Of Birthday Chatter For John Yoo

June 10th, 2010 | 10 comments | Posted by Diana

There’s only one way to celebrate John Yoo’s 42nd birthday (it’s today)–and that’s to bestow upon him the sort of kind words my Hardass Asian Grandma would offer a grandson like him if she were still alive today:

“How old are you today? 42?

Ai-ya!!! 42 is so old. So old. Life is over.

You know, you not look healthy, John. Now that you so old you have to think about your health. Your face is so fat. Your blood pressure is bad. When grandpa was your age he weigh 140 pounds and move dressers and refrigerator all around our house. Grandpa was strong and healthy.

You know, your mother says you do not visit at all, only four times a year for holidays. Such bad children after they come to America, they do not care about taking care of their mothers.

You look so old, John! You should exercise. Your wife leave you if you look too ugly.

My other grandchildren, they give me three and four and five great-grandchildren. What you give me? My friends at singing group tell me you like torture children. Ai-ya! That is bad, devil child! Why you so bad?

I work so hard all my life to get grandchild like this. 42 years waste!

Here, take some leftovers home with you.”

WHAT, GUYS!?!?! THIS IS HOW WE CELEBRATE!

[Wikipedia: John Woo]

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John Yoo Defies Science

September 24th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


A neuroscientist published a report this week on “enhanced and coercive interrogation techniques” like waterboarding and found that they don’t work, primarily because they cause so much stress, they actually impair memory.

“There is a vast literature on the effects of extreme stress on motivation, mood and memory, using both animals and humans,” writes Shane O’Mara, a stress researcher at Ireland’s Trinity College Institute of Neuroscience. “These techniques cause severe, repeated and prolonged stress, which compromises brain tissue supporting memory and executive function.”

Meanwhile, Torture Memo author John Yoo, in his latest column for the Philadelphia Inquirer, is still defending the use of these techniques.


[via Wired]
[John Yoo: Closing Arguments: History shows targeting the CIA is perilous move]

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John Yoo Is Not Such a Bad Guy After All

July 22nd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

An Australian comedy show recently infiltrated one of Torture Memos-author John Yoo‘s law classes at Berkeley, dressing up one dude as an Abu Ghraib prisoner, and, weirdly, Yoo didn’t waterboard the guy! The Bush Administration legal expert, who, in a 2005 debate, couldn’t find anything illegal or indefensible about crushing the testicles of a child, even offered his class-infiltrator time to leave before he called security!

Awww, what a softie. I bet he’s great with puppies and babies, too.

[via HuffPo]

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The Philadelphia Inquirer’s Brian Tierney and Harold Jackson

May 15th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

In response to the public outcry this week over the hiring of Torture Memos author John Yoo as a monthly columnist for the Philadelphia Inquirer, both the paper’s publisher, Brian Tierney, and its editorial page editor, Harold Jackson, issued defenses of Yoo’s hiring that were, well, indefensible.

The NY Times reported:

“What I liked about John Yoo is he’s a Philadelphian,” Mr. Tierney said. “He went to Episcopal Academy, where I went to school. He’s a very, very bright guy. He’s on the faculty at Berkeley, one of the most liberal universities in the country.”

To critics of the hiring, he said, “The most important speech to defend is the speech you hate.”

And sure, we can all agree that free speech = GOOD, even when we don’t agree with said speech’s content. Unless, of course, you’re John Yoo. In a 2001 memo, Yoo actually suggested that free speech and free press were maybe not all that, in the words of Tierney, “important” and worth “defending.”

First Amendment speech and press rights may also be subordinated to the overriding need to wage war successfully,” Yoo wrote, in a memo entitled, “Authority for Use of Military Force to Combat Terrorist Activity Within the United States.

Oh. The. Irony.

The Inquirer‘s editorial page editor, Harold Jackson, was less chummy in his own Yoo-pologia, but he wasn’t any more convincing.

For NPR.org, he wrote:

Adding more conservative commentaries to our mix doesn’t mean we have become right-wing in our editorial positions. It means we aren’t afraid to let people hear what the other side has to say.

We think most of our readers aren’t afraid either.

Our editorial board strives to take distinct positions on every topic we write about. But we also want to make sure our pages present alternative points of view.

That’s the reason we run Yoo.“

Ahh! “Hearing…the other side” and “alternative points of view” also = GOOD (and now let us embrace and sing Kumbaya together), however…

Legally justifying torture is not simply “other” and “alternative,” it’s madness. It goes against reason, logic, ethics, and humanity. And, for the record, we should be afraid of that. We should be very afraid.

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Not Just a Torture Expert

May 12th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Torture expert John Yoo has a new gig…as monthly columnist for the Philadelphia Inquirer. In addition to yawn-y legal opinions, he’ll also be sharing his thoughts on how to commit war crimes and get away with them, how to re-brand waterboarding into an extreme sport and lobby to get it into the next Olympic Games, and how to rock a White Man’s Puff when you’re not white!


He has so much to offer, people, beyond how to almost kill people without actually killing people (factoring in the occasional “Oops!” of course). Open your minds and give this man a chance!

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Yoo Might Be In Trouble

April 21st, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


President Obama stated today that he would leave open the possibility of criminal prosecution for the members of the Bush administration that constructed legal basis for torture-based interrogation during war-on-terrortime. The choice to take legal action against these policy architects will land squarely in the lap of Attorney General Eric Holder.

From CNN:

“With respect to those who formulated those legal decisions, I would say that is going to be more a decision for the attorney general within the parameter of various laws, and I don’t want to prejudge that,” Obama said during a meeting with Jordan’s King Abdullah at the White House.

It’s about time.

We’re looking forward to seeing who might get called to task, should Holder decide to pursue real legal action against those morally challenged policymakers. We’re particularly interested in seeing what might come of John “Torture Memo Shmorture Memo” Yoo, whose “moral compass” while working for the White House seemed not only lost, but shat on twice and destroyed.


We can’t help but wonder if he’s starting to feel just a liiiiiiiiiiiittle bit sorry about some of his actions, for once.

Or perhaps a bit nervous about being questioned by the prosecution.

[CNN: Obama Leaves Door Open to Bush Officials' Prosecution]
[Straits Times: US Lost Its Moral Compass]
[The Swamp: Justice Interrogation Memo]
[Salon: John Yoo Is Sorry for Nothing]

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Yoo Suck, Again

March 3rd, 2009 | 1 comment | Posted by Jen

In a newly declassified Justice Department memo released Monday, it was revealed that “torture memos” author, legal expert and professional fat-face John Yoo also recommended to the Bush administration shortly after 9/11 that First Amendment rights be suspended during its “war on terror.”

First Amendment speech and press rights may also be subordinated to the overriding need to wage war successfully,” Yoo wrote in the memo entitled “Authority for Use of Military Force to Combat Terrorist Activity Within the United States.

So, to review: Yoo is totally okay with crushing the testicles of a child, and he’s also down with squelching free speech. No wonder the citizens of Berkeley, CA want him fired from his tenured position at the law school and declared a war criminal. But I’ve got a better idea. He and fellow bondage-lover/free speech-hater Tila Tequila should make a baby!


It would be adorable in that Bad Seed, Damien Thorn sorta way.

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White Man’s Puff Claims Another Victim

June 26th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
“John Yoo, David Addington Testify On Torture, Detention Policies”



Jesus, dude. Lay off the torture tots. Er, I mean, tater tots.

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! John Yoo, the Torture Memo, and the Bush Administration

April 11th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

On the first of this month, under pressure from the ACLU, the Pentagon declassified a 2003 Justice Department memo authored by John Yoo, then Deputy Assistant Attorney General of the Office of Legal Counsel, which interprets the law for the executive branch. In what is now being called “The Torture Memo,” Yoo wrote that, in U.S. military interrogations of prisoners of war, anything short of causing “death, organ failure or permanent damage” was not considered torture. The memo also gave the Bush Administration the power to bypass the Fifth Amendment (due process) and the Eighth Amendment (cruel and unusual punishment) when it came to “alien, enemy combatants held abroad.” Though the memo was revoked nine months later, many believe that it laid the groundwork for prisoner abuses at Abu Ghraib. It also gave President Bush absolute authority above our Constitution, the Geneva Conventions, and international treaties the U.S. has signed regarding torture of war prisoners.

Then ABC News broke a story this week that top Bush advisors–Cheney, Condi, Rummy, Colin Powell, CIA Director George Tenet and Attorney General John Ashcroft–held several secret meetings at the White House to approve the use of “enhanced interrogation” (i.e. torture) in the interrogation of al Qaeda suspects.

According to one source, Ashcroft expressed his doubts about what they were doing and said during a meeting, “”Why are we talking about this in the White House? History will not judge this kindly.”

For once, we hafta agree with Ashcroft.

[The June issue of Esquire publishes an interview with John Yoo, currently a Berkeley law professor, where he defends his actions. Read excerpts here.]

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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