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Droves of Oprah’s God-fearing Christian viewers have taken to her show’s discussion board this week, in protest of statements made by her recent guest, Rev. Ed Bacon (see video above) during a spirituality episode, which included: “being gay is a gift from God, but our culture doesn’t understand that.”
Shocked and reeling from the statement, some members of her audience needed to be instantly consoled with the word of the Big Man Upstairs:
“Being gay must be a gift from God. How else can you explain that being gay instantly raises the odds of somebody being impossibly good-looking or having a smoking-hot physique? Why do gay people often happen to be infinitely more interesting (and interested) than the average Joe (the plumber, et al.)? Why do gay peeps typically design such beautiful buildings and other assorted aesthetic creations, why do gays conjure up such meaningful love songs, why does the best produce always end up at gay Gelson’s markets? Why are the streets of West Hollywood so much cleaner and well-decorated than North Hollywood? Why does gaysian = fun? All I can say is, I thank God for his gay gifts and feel so gay that he made being gay so awesome.”
Hello, dear DISGRASIAN readers! To paraphrase Rod Stewart, have we told you lately that we love you? Have we told you lately there’s no one else above you? We do really really appreciate that you guys take the time to check in with us, especially with so many other neat-o things on the interwebz vying for your attention. Like, for example, Joe the Plumber’s newly-launched website.
On the site, Joe has a blog, where he promises to “share the latest on the fight for preserving Americas freedoms.” At the moment, Joe’s blog is empty, which could only mean that Joe is already out there freedom-fighting. For you. And if you want to keep track of all of Joe’s comings and goings and fightings and preservings, you can. For the low, low annual cost of $19.95, you’ll get a subscription to the monthly “Joe the Blog” newsletter, total access to “Joe the Forum,” where you can chat with Joe directly, as well as free shipping on all “Joe the Plumber” merchandise. For a limited time only, you can get these same benefits–aka, the “Freedom Membership”–plus a copy of Joe’s forthcoming book for only $14.95. And, if you order today, Joe will throw in a full set of plumbing tools in a handsome tool box for no extra fee! All major credit cards accepted! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Okay, so the plumbing tools part is not exactly true, kinda like, oh, so many things that have come out of Joe the Plumber’s handsome
crack mouth. But, whatever, the election’s over, and it’s time to be non-partisan, and who knows? Maybe Joe the Plumber really will have some pearls of wisdom to dispense to the American people.
Of course, you could always just sign up for the DISGRASIAN RSS feed instead. For the low, low annual cost of…FREE. Because we, unlike Joe the Attention Whore, actually believe in spreading the wealth around.
Filed under: Barack Obama, Can You Actually Smear a Plumber?, Joe the Plumber, John McCain, Plumbing, Shit Jokes, Shit Porn, Shit Smears, Smearing the Plumber, The 2008 Presidential Election, This is Bullshit