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[Ed. note--this post was written in advance of the tragic shooting that occurred on Saturday, Jan. 8 in Arizona. Our thoughts go out to those affected by those events.]
We talked a lot in the closing months of last year how 2010 was BALLS. And you know why it was balls? Because it was a year ruled by DICKS. Dickheads, dickweeds, dickwads, dicktwits, dickfaces, cheesedicks, needledicks, pencil dicks, limp dicks, and a various assortment of Dick Tracies, seemed to poke their, ahem, heads out from all sides. It was actually hard to come up with only 10 Dicks From ’10 because the year was so chock-full of cocksmokers. But somehow, after a little dicking around, we did.
WHY THEY’RE DICKS: Everywhere we turned in 2010, there was another story about somebody named Palin being a dick. There was Todd Palin writing angry, poorly-punctuated emails. There was Willow Palin writing gay slur-slinging, poorly-punctuated Facebook comments. There was Bristol Palin being billed as a “teen activist” and dancing her way horribly to the Dancing With the Stars finals. And then there was Mama Grizzdick herself, Sarah Palin, who showed time and again that not only was she a dick, she was a Dick of All Trades–a refudiating dick, a 1st Amendment-confused dick, an Islamophobic dick, a book-shilling dick, a reality TV dick, a Tea Party dick, and, generally, an all-around fame-trolling dick of the highest magnitude. While it’s clear the Palins are gunning to be the First Family of the United States in 2012, for now, they can pat themselves on the backs for being, hands-down, the First Family of the United States of Dickbags.
OUR SOLUTION: The family of dicks that gets Dick Cancer together stays together. Another idea: JUST. GO. AWAY.
Filed under: 2010 Sucked Ass, Arizona, Arizona SB 1070, BP, BP Oil Spill, Brett Favre, Brett Favre Cheats On Wife, Brett Favre Penis, Brett Favre Sad Weiner, Brett Favre Why Did You Come Back?, Bristol Palin, Cheaters, Decision Points, Dick Cancer, Don't Ask Don't Tell, Everything About the Palins Sucks Ass, George W. Bush, George W. Bush Decision Points, Gwyneth Paltrow, Gwyneth Paltrow Country Strong, Gwyneth Paltrow Sings, Hamburger Helper Helps a Hamburger Help Gwen Make A Great Mess, Jesse James, Jesse James Cheats On Sandra Bullock, Jesse James Nazi Photo, Jesse James PR Suicide, John McCain, Kat Von D, Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, North Korea, Sarah Palin, SB 1070, The Palins, Todd Palin, TSA, TSA Body Scanner
KAT VON D: This is really great.
JESSE JAMES: Yep, great.
KAT VON D: You look so good, baby.
JESSE JAMES: Good, baby.
KAT VON D: I can’t believe how much I love you.
JESSE JAMES: Um, you’re great.
Filed under: Bad Husbands, Discovery, Gross, Jesse James, Jesse James Cheats On Sandra Bullock, Kat Von D, Kat Von D In Love With Jesse James, LA Ink, Monster Garage, Moving On Quickly, Reality Stars, Reality TV, Sandra Bullock, Shameless, Shameless Couples, Shameless Photo Ops, Sleeves, Tattoos, That Was Fast
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JESSE JAMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We bet this one was a HAPPY one!
‘Cuz there’s nothing like being turning 41 to remind you of what really counts in life: knowing that your family is happy and your career in order.
We figured you probably didn’t get many, so we decided to go in together on a couple of birthday presents for ya. They are:
Filed under: Bad Years, Birthdays, Cheaters, Condoms, Down the Tubes, Fuckups, Homewrecks, Idiots, Jesse James, Jesse James Affairs, Jesse James Cheats On Sandra Bullock, Jesse James Kids, Jesse James Mistresses, Jesse James Nazi Photo, Messes, Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, Michelle Bombshell Nazi Photo, Mid-Life Crises, Really Stupid People, Strippers, The Most Hated Man In America
“If I were [Tiger's wife] Elin [Nordegren], man, I would have hit a lot more than she did,” Bullock said. “I would have kept hitting.”
A reporter with syndicated TV show “The Insider” egged on the actress with a leading question — “You would have been still swinging the golf club?”
“Yeah, she [Elin] stopped, she was respectable,” Bullock repied. “I’d get the baseball bat, I’d get everything out.”
Does this mean Sandy’s going to beat the shit out of her no-good, MySpace-ing, Vanilla Gorilla couchfucker? We wouldn’t pay money to see the The Blind Side–or almost any Sandra Bullock movie, really–but we’d sure as hell pay to see that.
Filed under: Ass Beatings, Cheaters, Cheating, Elin Nordegren, Jesse James, Jesse James Affairs, Jesse James Cheats On Sandra Bullock, Jesse James Mistresses, Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, MySpace, Opening a Can of Whoop Ass, Sandra Bullock, Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods Affairs, Tiger Woods Sex Scandals
Beloved Singaporean film director Jack Neo was dubbed “Singapore’s Tiger Woods” this week after his girlfriend of two years–a 22-year-old model/actress that had played bit parts in some of his films–confronted his wife and spilled her story to tabloids. The mistress, Wendy Chong, is just five years younger than Neo’s marriage of 27 years.
For whatever reason, Neo’s wife, Irene, has decided to stay with her husband. She joined him at a press conference and tearfully made a statement about her decision, begging for forgiveness, support, and the public’s blessing. Neo had already stated, “Please give us a second chance.”
As she exited the room, Irene Neo collapsed in sobs and had to be carried out.
Meanwhile, the American Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods, announced that he would be returning to professional golf to compete in the Masters. That’s big news, but not so big as the newly-posted sexts that his former porn star flame, Joslyn James (a woman who dances with the same sultry, poultry flourish as DISGRASIAN hall-of-shamer Bai Ling) has unveiled on an official promo website.
Filed under: Adulterers, Adultery, Affairs, American Chopper, Bai Ling, Cheating, Chicken Dance, Elin Nordegren, Extramarital Affairs, Fame Whores, Forgiveness, Gross Chicks, Hooker Bitches, In Touch Magazine, Irene Neo, Jack Neo, Jesse James, Jesse James Apologizes, Jesse James Apology, Jesse James Cheats On Sandra Bullock, Jesse James Kids, Jilted Spouses, Josyln James, Lame Names, Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, Mistresses, Mistresses That Sell Their Stories Are Pathetic, Porn Stars, Sandra Bullock, Sandra Bullock Cancels London Premiere, Sexting, Shame, Shameless Self-Promotion, Singapore's Tiger Woods, Swastikas, Tattoos, Tiger Woods, Wendy Chong