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For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to write a book. At age three, in cursive on construction paper, I wrote tables of contents for imaginary novel chapters. From fifth to eighth grade, I created dozens of terrible young adult fiction book outlines that inspired too-long scribbled “Chapter Ones” in loose leaf notebooks. During high school, I attempted to write poetry collections about my non-existent love life and glamorized ideals of solitude. In college, I would study in the University library and take my breaks strolling through my favorite aisles–particularly the 20th century non-fiction texts, running my fingers over the books’ textured spines and gazing with love over the letters that spelled out titles and author names horizontally, like vertebrae.
As a grown-up writer, I think differently about the idea of publishing a book. I would still love to write one (perhaps with Jen, who is a far better scribe than I), but I now unfortunately know all the other stuff that goes along with the endeavor: book proposals and agents and publishers and politics and big-selling Christmas seasons and the word “niche” and writing from the inside and redundancy and timeliness and nervous breakdowns and writer’s block and what-about-my-other-projects and maybe-I-just-can’t-fucking-do-this and wouldn’t-it-just-be-easier–and-faster-to-have-our-twitterfeed-optioned-as-a-lame-William-Shatner-sitcom. I mean, hell, real writers are miserable for a reason.
Whenever somebody I know publishes a book, particularly a second or third (God help me if I ever befriend Mr. Chopra), my chest heaves a little. I’m jealous. I’m really, really jealous. I’m obviously proud and happy for them, I probably love their book and can’t wait to get my copy signed–but I’m also cringing inside, mad at myself for not realizing such an important dream, even though I arguably write thousands of words every week. Bloggers publish words on a virtual page that isn’t really a page; it doesn’t smell of ink and paper, you can’t dogear it, you can’t lend it to a friend and ask for it back. There’s just something about a book.
When I see something like this:
Continue reading A Literary Situation
We’ll be away from our desks the month of August, carrying on with the non-bloggy aspects of our lives, watching mindless movie blockbusters, and indulging in summery drinks made with generous pours of bourbon. During this month, we’ll be linking each day to a different website that we ♥. Hopefully you’ll discover something delightful and new while we’re gone. If not, you are a serious Captain Crankypants and are probably in dire need of a summery drink made with a generous pour of bourbon.
‘Til September, lovelies.
Mark Lisanti is the funniest man on the Internet.
Now before you say, “But what about Gwyneth? He’s a fuckin’ gas!” let me just tell you that I’ve been making this declaration repeatedly since 2004, when I discovered Lisanti’s little H-wood insider blog Defamer (after carrying the site to Gawker-fueled ubiquity, he left his founding editor post in ’08). I blurted the words to him at a poorly-attended cocktail party at Sundance ’06, after an hour of awkwardly hanging out in wait for Robin Tunney’s arrival, when his buddy casually dropped his name and I lost my shit faster than a rookie chili-eating contestant. I say it snarkily at parties, when I realize he’s funnier in HTML than in person (ZING, sucka! I kid, I kid). I grumble it to the sky ever single time the guy outfunnies me on a Facebook wall (this happens more frequently than you would think). And I sighed it aloud yesterday, when I read about his new gig as Deputy Editor of Yahoo! Entertainment Blogs via Business Insider (who I must applaud for choosing a most distinguished photo of the lad to compliment his success).
Super funny people are typically the worst folks in the world to be friends with. For one, the odds of them being totally crazy/depressed/derelict/perverse is about 100%. And two, they spend most of their time with you either being spitefully unfunny (they are, after all, “off the clock”) or proving, at all times, how much more twisted, quick-draw and sharp they are than everybody else. But the thing is, Lisanti doesn’t have to be cementing sticky celebrity nicknames or befriending Tawny Kitaen to make you laugh. He just makes you laugh. I often wonder if he even has to try to be funny, because gentle–but memorable–humor seems to seep out of his pores like joy from a unicorn’s eyes. He is Continue reading DISGRASIAN’s Summer Reading: Lisanti Quarterly
Filed under: Bloggers, Defamer, Editors, Entertainment Blogs, Friends are Nice, Funny Men, Funny People, Gawker, Hollywood, Jersey Shore, Losing Your Shit, Mark Lisanti, Robin Tunney, Sundance, Tawny Kitaen, Writers, Yahoo
President Obama appeared on The View today, an action that was apparently highly controversial according to most major news outlets (Ed. note–Seriously, press? Y’all do realize that the President delivered a speech on Education today–like, real news, worthy of discussion–right?), and during part of the interview the ladies grilled him on hot pop culture buzz subjects, from Mel Gibson’s need for anger management to Snooki’s aptitude for running a small Alaskan city:
It has to be said: President Obama suffers from a syndrome I’d like to call “President Brain.” It’s like the guy pays so much attention to stuff like his job and the oil spill and the wars and the economic meltdown and the country’s soaring unemployment rate and SB 1070 and Robert Gibbs’s talking points or whatever, that he doesn’t have time to catch up on important stuff like Jezebel’s bitchy Daily Show drama or how Taylor Momsen may or may not be devolving into a teenage crackwhore!
But one thing he does know:
Filed under: Barbara Walters, Daytime Television, Jersey Shore, Lindsay Lohan, Lindsay Lohan In Jail, Mel Gibson, Mel Gibson Anger Management, President Barack Obama, President Brain, President Obama, President Obama Appears On The View, President Obama Speech On Education, Snooki, The President Is Just So Damn Likeable, The View, Wasilla Alaska
Ladies and gents (and mostly, gays), may we present…
See more of The Situasian, aka Peter Le, on his NSFW website here.
Thanks, Lisa and Tina!
A casting call has gone out on Craigslist: LA looking for “interesting, attractive, colorful Asian-Americans” to star in a reality show in the style of Jersey Shore and The Real World. Tyrese is allegedly producing.
The notice sez:
We need attractive Asian-Americans with lively, strong, and unique personalities between the ages of 18 to 30 with equally interesting life stories and perspectives to share, especially individuals who know about and/or experienced the Koreatown life.
Personally I think this idea’s genius, and I’d like Diana to audition for the show–I’m too old, which, for once, I think, is a good thing–mostly so she could fuck some bitches up, because that’s what they do on reality TV, right? That and get arrested? Plus, she has access to a Bumpit–her sister’s–plus, she loves the Koreatown life, particularly the Koreatown restaurants. (I actually had to look up what a Bumpit was, which, also, I think, is a good thing?)
The show is even looking for non-Asians to round out the cast.
If you are not Asian but are obsessed with Asian culture or people in some way, email us and please explain.
Yes, yes, and while you’re at it–you who are obsessed with Asian culture or people in some way (um, I think you know what they’re talkin about)–why don’t you email us and explain, too, you horny freak you.