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If you haven’t caught this week’s Frontline, an incisive look into January’s earthquake in Haiti and the abysmal relief situation, we highly recommend it:
At long last, it’s a thorough, substantial depiction of the whatthefuckery that has gone down in Haiti (before and since the earthquake)–a welcome answer to the thin, info-free journalistic jerking off we were forced to watch three months ago.
Filed under: 7.0 Earthquake In Haiti, American News, Anderson Cooper, Documentaries, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Earthquakes, Frontline, Frontline "The Quake", Haiti, Haiti Earthquake, Hardly News, Jerking Off, Journalism? Playing God? Infotainment?, No Wonder CNN's Ratings Are Flaccid, Relief Efforts, Sanjay Gupta
Okay, okay. As you know, I normally wouldn’t encourage dudes to pretend-jerk off under their bed sheets on camera. Or make lewd tongue gestures as if they’re lasciviously lapping up a beef curtain hoagie. Or fondle themselves while declaring “Tittays!”
This is a perfect example of how sometimes life is not made up of absolutes.
For some reason, because YouTuber Jr. DaPhamily is just a teeny young pup, with cheeks like the great plains, he can do whatever the sam hell he pleases on camera and it’s a-okay by me.
I mean, check out this kid, who got as worked up as I did to see Vanessa Hudgens in the buff…again.
Perhaps it’s because we’re all a just a human bag of hormones at that tender age, shuffling off into corners to masturbate while imagining, hopefully, what real kissing is like. And after all, let’s assume he doesn’t necessarily know what he’s doing with his tongue (lewd gestures and “Tittays” both included) from experience–rather from a big brother or a couple of snakey pals. Big whoop.
All I know is that for some reason, this little perv rocks my socks off (*If you’re reading this, kid: I said “my socks,” not “my panties”), and I simply cannot stop laughing throughout each one of his short, emphatic videos.
Important caveat to this, however. Seriously, in a year or so–or the minute those cheeks flatten out by even a millimeter–when DaPhamily is old enough to know better and interfacing with real human girls–this form of behavior will actually be REALLY UNACCEPTABLE. (Ya hear that, kid? Better learn to respeck!)
Sigh. Pretty confusing, I know.
Listen up, monkey-spankers. There’s actually a competition in San Francisco for onanists called the Masturbate-a-thon, but if you want to win the thing, you’re going to have to outlast this guy –>.
His name is Masanobu Sato, he hails from Japan, and he’s currently the World’s #1 Masturbator. Last Saturday at the 9th Annual Masturbate-a-thon, he broke his former world record of 9 hours and 33 minutes and jerked it for a whopping 9 hours and 58 minutes.
I can’t figure out what would possess someone to go for this record, although I suppose it’s good PR for one’s stamina. (It, however, terrifies me.) But perhaps it appeals to other ladies? Or dudes? I don’t know how Masanobu rolls, but it seems that if he can play with himself for that long, he could probably stand to spread the (self-)love to both sexes.
[SF Weekly: "The 9th Annual Masturbate-A-Thon (NSFW)"]
[photo by Lauren Smiley]
Filed under: Jerking Off, Masanobu Sato, Masturbate-a-thon, Masturbation, Masturbators, Number Ones, Onanism, Onanists, Self-Love, Wankers, Weird San Franciscan Behavior, World Champion Masturbator, World Records
Grammy nominated and platinum record selling rock band Weezer, famous for hits such as “Beverly Hills” and “My Name Is Jonas,” has released the Japanese version of their new album “The Red Album” today.
As a special surprise for the Japanese listeners, Weezer did a cover of one of BoA’s Japanese ballads entitled “Meri Kuri” as a bonus track. Lead singer Rivers Comuo of Weezer commented that he was “instantly taken” by the song, as well as the youthful Japanese girl that originally chirped it.*
“I really dig subsurvient Asian girls, so covering a love song by a cute one is kind of like virtual jerking off,” the often misunderstood songwriter said in a recent interview. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. And if anyone in my band thought there was anything weird about it, they would tell me. And then I would kick them out of the band.” *
*Many of Cuomo’s quotes in this story have been altered or fictionalized. Why would we do such a thing? Because we find his awkward Asian fetish to be super-duper freaky. Read the actual AllKPop.com post here.
Thank you, you-know-who!