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Paris Hilton’s “Gum” Keeps Her Out Of Japan

September 22nd, 2010 | 5 comments | Posted by Diana

Okay, a note to whoever cut the new NMA animasian detailing Paris Hilton’s arrest record in light of her recent guilty plea for coke possession: Please come work at DISGRASIAN. PLEASE. PLEASE. We can pay you in barbed compliments and brown liquor. And awkward hugs.

Here’s the piece I’m referring to:

What isn’t covered in the video is what happened the following day. Poor little Paris flew all the way to Tokyo to make promo appearances peddling her bag and fragrance lines, but was denied entry to Japan at Narita airport. According to HuffPo, “under Japanese law, immigration authorities are empowered to deny entry to those who have been convicted of drug-related offenses.”

Hilton’s rep, Dawn Miller, made a statement on the celebutard’s behalf:

“Paris was contractually bound to her business trip and didn’t want to let down her brands and many Asian fans. She intended on fulfilling her contract and is trying hard to do the responsible thing, but this is beyond her control. She is very disappointed by tonight’s events. Paris is shocked and apalled that a famous-for-nothing of her tenure might actually have to be accountable for her derelict actions, and face any sort of consequences for her incessant spittooeying in the face of the law.*”

Continue reading Paris Hilton’s “Gum” Keeps Her Out Of Japan

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ROCK OF ASIAN: UA’s Cover Album, Kaba

July 7th, 2010 | 2 comments | Posted by Diana


I have no idea why I didn’t become a fan of Japanese ingenue/art/lounge/dirty-voiced singer UA (a chosen name that means both “flower” and “kill” in Swahili) at some point over the last decade and a half of her career. I say with honesty that I regret it. I hate myself for it. I’m annoyed to just be discovering her just now, simply because she just released a covers album to celebrate her 15th anniversary, and it’s fucking amazing. Lord knows I respect a brilliant cover—especially when the material being covered is the kind of stuff that seem far too difficult, important, or obscure to do justice.

On Kaba, UA applies gritty, raw, funky vocals to songs of all those varieties, both Japanese and American. For the English speakers, she tackles a track that perhaps too many people know intimately, “Under the Bridge,” yet breathes new life and a unique motivation into the words originally penned from rock bottom in 90s Los Angeles. She also modernizes Radiohead’s “No Surprises,” simplifies Björk’s “Hyperballad” and shakes up Aretha Franklin’s “Day Dreaming.”

The album is available via download on iTunes, and you can also listen to samples free on Battlestar Records’ site. I’ve included a few teasers of the aforementioned songs below, though. Enjoy!
Continue reading ROCK OF ASIAN: UA’s Cover Album, Kaba

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Save The Beards!

June 23rd, 2010 | 7 comments | Posted by Diana

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! NOT OKAY!

A city in Japan has banned beards at the workplace to cut down the need for summer air conditioning and reduce their carbon footprint. Seriously.

Food Artist Takao Sakai's Red Bean Beard

From Sky News:

The northeastern city of Isesaki says forcing office workers not to sport facial hair will mean they are less likely to need the air conditioning on in the summer months.

Civil servants are already being encouraged to forego jackets and ties during hot weather as part of a “Cool Biz” campaign.

A city official said there had been no complaints from employees since the ban was introduced last month and that it was a necessary part of Cool Biz.

The campaign was introduced in 2005 by the Japanese Ministry of Environment in an attempt to cut the country’s consumption of electricity, thereby reducing Japan’s carbon footprint.

Y’all, I love the planet so very much. Reducing one’s carbon footprint is super hot. And I admire the intent of the uh, poorly-named “Cool Biz” campaign, since most of the stories I hear about Japan’s relationship with the environment these days include buying off fellow IWC countries with hookers and coin to protect illegal whaling practices.

But beards… I love beards, too. And beards are so, so, so, so, sooooooo very hot. A ban on Continue reading Save The Beards!

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The World’s Most Bitchinest-Dressed Politician Steps Down

June 2nd, 2010 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

Following a political funding scandal and his failure to move a U.S. Marine Corps base off the island of Okinawa, Japanese PM Yukio Hatoyama resigned Wednesday after only eight months in office.

Beyond politics, Hatoyama was known for dressing in an outre 90′s sorta way and being married to Miyuki Hatoyama, who claimed to have known Tom Cruise in a past life and have been to outer space.

In other words, the Hatoyamas were the kind of people we’d like to party with.

Naoto Kan, Japan’s current Finance Minister, and Katsuya Okada, are rumored to be on the short-list of Hatoyama’s successors. According to Wikipedia, Kan’s hobby is the board game Go and Okada is an “avid collector” of…frog knick-knacks.

In other words, Hatoyama’s successor is the kind of person our Hardass Asian Parents would like to party with.

BOO. NO FUN.

[photos via HuffPo]
[AP: Japan politics shaken by PM Hatoyama's resignation]

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An Internal Conver$ation

June 2nd, 2010 | 3 comments | Posted by Diana

Ke$hia at the MTV VMAJ Awards in Tokyo, May 29

KE$HA: Domo arigato, Mr. Tokyo! I love you all!!!

KE$HA’S HEADDRESS: Horrible. Just horrible. Please, let’s just go inside.

KE$HA: They love me! They love the $tatement I’m making!

KE$HA’s HEADDRESS: And what statement is that?

KE$HA: That Lady GaGa isn’t the only knockoff that can make it big this year.

KE$HA’S HEADDRESS: That’s it?

KE$HA: And my generation really does have new and innovative art to offer!

KE$HA’S HEADDRESS: Like what?

KE$HA: Durrr. Like 80′s jeans and hippie dresses and disco indie rock.

KE$HA’S HEADDRESS: AH.

Continue reading An Internal Conver$ation

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Naoko Yamazaki

April 5th, 2010 | 3 comments | Posted by Diana

Name: Naoko Yamazaki

Age: 39

Hails from: Japan

Occupation: Astronaut for JAXA (Japan’s national aerospace agency)

Known for: Flying high. As of this morning, Yamazaki is now the second Japanese woman to fly in space. She joined NASA’s STS-131 mission to the International Space Station aboard space shuttle Discovery, which successfully launched today with only one minor snag:
Continue reading AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Naoko Yamazaki

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ROCK OF ASIAN: Asian Kung-Fu Generation

March 24th, 2010 | 4 comments | Posted by Diana

Asian Kung-Fu Generation has been around for over a decade, and we’re a little late to the party (having just discovered them this year). But oh well, better late than never!



AKFG is a Japanese outfit that has, since the late nineties, pulled together their beloved alternarock/power punk/indie influences for an earnest, energy-charged, brightly commercial blend of rockage. In the States, that bio would make a band Jimmy Eat World or Weezer. But the Japanese version is somehow more novel than that–a little less intentionally aloof, perhaps. And this is why the original songs, for whatever formulas they boast, do not suffer for their earnest. Rather, they seem kind of straightforward and sturdy, yet kinda sleek–like a well-fitted puffer vest from Patagonia. This is also why AKFG can cover an Oasis song and not lose all their street cred.

But why settle for cover songs? Enjoy the video for last year’s new single, “Shinseiki No Love Song”–which has less power chords than former hits and stands out from the pack. When you’re done, find out what we fell in love with by watching my favorite track from ’05, “Blue Train.”

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Crack Open A Cold One With 70,000 Of Your Closest Online Friends

March 8th, 2010 | 1 comment | Posted by Diana

We learned via Japan Trends that a Japanese news agency has reported on a boom trend among the country’s netizens in their twenties and thirties: online nomikai (drinking parties!!!).

Funny, we’ve always fancied DISGRASIAN as a kind of online drinking party (or are Jen and I the only ones sitting at our laptops, rantin’ to y’all, while sipping on scotch/rocks?).

For the Japanese, virtual mixers are an adaptation of a longstanding social norm that typically obliges people to booze formally (read: uncomfortably) with their coworkers at izakaya spots. In Hollywood we tend to call such burdensome fiestas “work drinks” (or Jen’s personal form of hell), and spend the time making fun of line producers that can’t stop flirting inappropriately with young production assistants.

More from Japan Trends:

“One way to get around this but still enjoy drinking in groups is to go online. Apparently net nomikai are gaining in popularity, according to reports by J-Cast and others. All you need is a web cam, Skype and a pair of headphones and mic. There is no boss, no seating arrangements — and even no geographical limitations! Obviously it’s a lot cheaper than boozing in an izakaya too, which might appeal to the recession-minded younger drinkers who can’t rely on company expenses.”

Booze? Budget-friendly socializing? No need for designated drivers? No regretful drunken co-worker boob gropes? Fun avatars? An open browser on the desktop so each user can intermittently check in on DISGRASIAN updates? Hell. It all sounds pretty good to us!

Frankly, we see little wrong with the concept of getting hammered with online friends every night… except… hrmm… Dr. Drew might eventually classify it is a form of drinking alone, a subtle sign of alcoholism. But no one else seems to be worried about that, so why should we?

[Japan Trends: Online Drinking Games For Younger Japanese]

Source
Thanks, Dave and Jasmine!

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BABEWATCH: Miho Takagi

February 23rd, 2010 | 7 comments | Posted by Diana


Name: Miho Takagi

Age: 15 (please don’t perv out, pervs)

Occupation: Student, Olympic speed skater

Hails from: Japan

Why She’s A Babe: Though she hasn’t medaled in these Olympic games, Takagi catches our eye every time she’s on the ice. With a baby-sweet grin, bitchin’ lean muscles, and cute-as-hell pixie bob haircut, she always manages to look both athletic, slick and chic–even in a gold lamé racing suit.

And about that uniform… many netizens saw published practice photos of the teen and gleefully pointed out that her suit revealed a dainty G-string, but it turned out the Continue reading BABEWATCH: Miho Takagi

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Heavy Stuff: DQ’d From The Olympics

February 17th, 2010 | 18 comments | Posted by Diana

Aya Yasuda, a Japanese athlete at her first Olympics, was disqualified on Monday from the Women’s Luge competition in Vancouver.





No, she didn’t get busted for juicing. And she wasn’t lying about her gender. She didn’t screw an Olympic judge. She didn’t put a hit on any of her opponents.

But she did accidentally bring too much weight with her to the Games.

Lemme ‘splain. From Yahoo! Sports:

“Yasuda, who tips the scales at a slender 60 kg (132 lbs), miscalculated the additional weight lugers are allowed to carry as ballast and failed the compulsory weigh-in after her first run at the Whistler Sliding Centre.

‘During a weight check at the finish of run one the athlete’s additional weight exceeded the maximum allowed which was 13.1 kilos,” race organisers said. “Her actual weight was 13.3 kilos.’”


Athletic disqualifiquasians don’t often shock me, but darn it all–this one does. I mean, an Asian busted for bad math? That’s like, UNTHINKABLE!

[Yahoo! Sports: Japan's Slender Slider Has Weighty Problem]

Source

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Business Cat, Business Cat, What Are They Feeding You?

February 1st, 2010 | 5 comments | Posted by Diana

Dear Business Cat,

I know you’re an actor and all, but you seem to have a lot of chutzpah (not to mention specs and a necktie), so I’m just going to follow my gut here and ask you a quick question.

Do you have any administrative experience? See, Intern Jasmine is really overloaded (our bad) and she totally needs an assistant. All you would have to do is order her meals, file her taxes, make sure her car registration is paid, call her in for jury duty, check her business email, reply to her business email, spellcheck her tweets, pick up her dry cleaning, break up with guys she’s tired of, untag photos on Facebook that associate her with former friends, make reservations at her favorite restaurants, and… whatever other odds and ends you still have time for. You also have to read DISGRASIAN every day (and spellcheck my posts too, as I get carried away sometimes).

I’m going to be up front here. The pay isn’t great. But at DISGRASIAN HQ there are (in excess): warm windowsills, cardboard boxes, crinkled up pieces of paper, tuna juice, laps, carpet squares, string, yarn, twine, ribbon, very tall spots for sitting (or standing or planning a pounce), tiny stuffed mice, ping pong balls, little toys that roll and make Continue reading Business Cat, Business Cat, What Are They Feeding You?

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Cornelius

January 28th, 2010 | 2 comments | Posted by Guest Contributor

Happy birthday to musicalbeatmasta Cornelius, who turned 41 yesterday!

We wish him a warm celebration with lovely wife Takako Minekawa, and lots of sweet treats and sweet beats to see them through the year!

Continue reading BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Cornelius

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