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All good things must come to an end, and so my guest stint on the Yo, Is This Racist? podcast with my new BFF Andrew Ti has reached its conclusion. Did we save the best for last? You be the judge:
The post I refer to in the podcast, the one where my Hardass Asian Mom and I (sorta) live-blogged The Karate Kid remake, can be found here. It’s probably one of the most popular posts I’ve ever written for the site–due entirely to the hilarity of the HAMeo (Hardass Asian Mom’s cameo)–so if you’re not familiar with it, check it out.
And if you want more Yo, Is This Racist?, subscribe to the podcast, read the site, read Andrew’s other equally hilarious site, Yo, Should I Dump This Asshole?, like Yo, Is This Racist? on Facebook, follow it on Twitter, but no matter how much you love his flow, please please do not hug Andrew on the street, yo.
Filed under: Andrew Ti, Evil Dead, Jackie Chan, Jaden Smith, Kung Fu Fighting, Kung Fu Movie Genre, Kung Fu Movies, Martial Arts, Racism Questions, Racist Stuff, Silat, Stabbing People, The Karate Kid, The Karate Kid Remake, The Raid, Yo Is This Racist?, Yo Should I Dump This Asshole
TMZ, which operates under the auspices of AOL News, definitely serves a purpose. In life, there’s always somebody that has to reside in the murkiest layer–the person that denies insurance benefits to cancer patients, the defense attorney that attacks victims in order to save her guilty defendant, the jerk that has to tell little kids that there is no Santa Claus. TMZ is like that person. The supergossip team’s shamelessness allows them to dig deep into the wounds of Hollywood to tell us who’s crazy, who’s dead, who has anal sex with prostitutes instead of their wife, who’s suing their ex, who’s blown all of their money on 8 balls. Without them, we wouldn’t know such things, at least not so quickly and with no tactful filter. It’s questionable whether or not we’d ever want to, but that’s not the point. Bottom line, as I said before: TMZ has a purpose, I guess.
Yesterday, the site posted a segment featuring an on-the-fly “interview” with Sung Kang, one of Jen’s many hot boyfriends and familiar sexyface from the Fast & Furious franchise (You can see him alive again in the upcoming sequel, Fast Five). See below:
Filed under: AOL, April Fools, Ask The Asian Dude, Clowning, Fast Five, Georgia, Harvey Levin, Jackie Chan, Karaoke, Racist Shit, Stupid Ideas, Sung Kang, The Fast And the Furious Sequels, This is Bullshit, TMZ, TMZ Racist, TMZ Racist Video, Toyota, Translation
Any use of inappropriate cultural terms or conflation with the original movie is entirely intentional:
The Karate Kid (Jaden Smith) and his Mom (Taraji Henson) are leaving Detroit. Lest you think this is a single black mom/deadbeat dad scenario, we’re told upfront that the Karate Kid’s Dad is dead…period. Detroit is portrayed as a gray, dismal city full of shuttered storefronts. This is America in our continued state of joblessness, America in the 21st century, America on the decline. But China, where they’re headed for Mom’s work, is the land of opportunity, the land of now, the land on the up-and-up, or, as the Karate Kid’s Mom puts it, “a magical new land,” like unicorns live there or something.
The Karate Kid tries out his Mandarin on the Asian dude sitting across the aisle from him on the plane. “Dude, I’m from Detroit,” the Asian dude says. Light laughs from the audience, which is mostly made up of families with tween children and some creepy older loners who probably wanted to be Daniel-san back in the day. My Hardass Asian Mom (HAM) approves of this joke: “Not all Chinese or Asian looking guy speaks Chinese, this is true.”
Meanwhile: Where is my Bananarama remix???
When the Karate Kid and his Mom arrive at the airport, their lady driver is holding a sign Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Liveblogging The Karate Kid Remake With Jen’s Hardass Asian Mama
Filed under: Bananarama, China, Gong Fu, Hardass Asian Moms, Hardass Asian Mothers, Hardass Asian Parents, Inappropriate Crushes, Jackie Chan, Jaden Smith, Kung Fu, Nerds, Tamlyn Tomita, The Karate Kid, The Karate Kid Remake, Unicorns, Wax On Wax Off
NEWSFLASH: China is America’s enemy.
Okay, so this is not news exactly. But it’s a meme that’s getting some pop cultural attention this year with the release of two 80′s movie remakes that promote the idea–two of my favorite movies growing up, as it so happens–The Karate Kid, which opens in a week, and Red Dawn, which will debut in November.
The new Karate Kid is set in Beijing, where those oversized, sandy-haired thugs, aka Cobra Kai, have been updated into a gang of oversized, slanty-eyed thugs.
There are good Chinese people to balance out this “I am extremely terrified of Chinese Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The Karate Kid And Red Dawn: Two Movie Remake-Wrongs Don’t Make A Right
Filed under: 80's Movie Remakes, 80's Movies, Bullies, China, China the New Superpower, Chinysteria, Cobra Kai, I Am Extremely Terrified of Chinese People, Jackie Chan, Karate Kid Remake, Red Dawn, Red Dawn Remake, Remakes Always Suck, The Chinese Are Coming The Chinese Are Coming, The Karate Kid, Underdogs, Wolverines, Xenophobia, Yellow Peril
Now that the sacreligious Karate Kid remake (grrrr…) has been relocated to China and cryptically re-titled The Kung-Fu Kid (It’s almost like a brand new movie! Kinda like how Can’t Buy Me Love grew up and got an urban makeover for the new millenium, called Love Don’t Cost a Thing! Virtually unrecognizable, save for the uh, similar plot points!), maybe it’s actually been developed and re-thought. Perhaps it actually has a shot at being AMAZING!
Thanks, Jasmine and Jonathan!
At long last, Jackie Chan went and decided to get all political on us.
“I’m not sure if it’s good to have freedom or not,” Chan said. “I’m really confused now. If you’re too free, you’re like the way Hong Kong is now. It’s very chaotic. Taiwan is also chaotic.”
Chan added: “I’m gradually beginning to feel that we Chinese need to be controlled. If we’re not being controlled, we’ll just do what we want.”
Suddenly, we find ourselves wishing that Chan would shift his focus back to making oodles and oodles of money for clowning around like an idiot in bad Brett Ratner movies.
Thanks, Pete and Josh!
Today, Chan can enjoy the experience of us being gentle and nice to him! Pretty neat, huh? If he would just stop all that wretched clowning, it could happen a helluva lot more often.
It was announced this week that Jackie Chan’s next movie, The Shinjuku Incident, will not be released in mainland China because it is too violent. See the trailer below:
This sounds like a clever marketing ploy–the movie will be released on April 2 in Hong Kong and May 1 in Japan–but consider me hooked. Not only will it be refreshing to see Jackie in a good movie for a change, but Shinjuku Incident also costars American-born actor Daniel Wu, who’s made quite a career for himself in Chinese-language cinema, despite only learning Cantonese ten years ago. If you’re not familiar with Wu, start by staring at this picture, and then go from there:
While promoting Forbidden Kingdom over the weekend, Jackie Chan announced that he and Chris Tucker will reunite on the big screen, but not (thankfully) for another Rush Hour sequel. No word on whether Brett Ratner would direct, although Jackie hinted that that wasn’t happening:
“We finished ‘Rush Hour 1,’ and it was six years later that we made ‘Rush Hour 2,’ ” he said, “and then six years later we made ‘Rush Hour 3.’ It’s too long!”
TRANSLASIAN: “I’ve finally come to my senses and realized that Brett Fat is a douchey hack.”
While mingling with real actors at the Venice Film Festival, the junior Chan, Jaycee, took a subtle dig at his pops by touting his own talents:
“I’m starting to carve my own path,” he told The Associated Press. “I’ve made an art-house movie. … My range is greater. I’m not just making action movies. I’m trying many different things.”
I have heard that Jaycee’s latest performance in the Chinese-language film ‘The Sun Also Rises’/ Tai yang zhao chang sheng qi was quite laudable, something smells to me of resentment in his words.
Could it be that Jaycee also thinks his father is a disgraceful, talentless, Uncle Tam hack guilty of playing into demeaning stereotypes? Does he blame his father for perpetuating a stereotype that Asian men are only good for giving us a good laugh–er, raugh–and then a karate chop? Does he maybe, just maybe, have the balls to say so?
Or did Jackie just never hug him?
Jet Li Says He, Jackie Chan Too Old to Fight–No shit, Sherlock
Vietnam Develops Taste for Luxury Goods–Gucci Minh City
Japan’s Fukuda Has Approval Rating as High as 59% in Surveys –Hope he doesn’t Fukuda it up!
I threw out my back earlier this year, and it was awful. My brain was oatmeal from the painkillers and the muscle relaxers, and I could barely walk from my bed to the bathroom. My hair smelled like scalp for days, and all I wanted to eat was candy. The whole experience was filthy, start to finish.
So when I heard that Jackie Chan suffered a back injury last week while filming scenes for Forbidden Kingdom, I felt really sorry for the guy. Some doctors believe that back pain is psychosomatic, but I don’t agree. I’m sure that Jackie has gone through a lot, and I wish him only the best.
…okay, all of that–except for my “backstory”–was a lie. Was it convincing? Did you believe me for a second?