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Paris Hilton’s My New BFF, season deux, debuted last night.
And despite all of my wishes, prayers, hopes and dreams, the set’s “throne” chair did not suddenly morph into a slobbering mound of feral, starving, sharp-toothed, snapping, diseased, angry labia that instantly/simultaneously enveloped and digested Paris (and that little piss, Onch) in one smelly, violent bite.
That seriously would have been the best thing ever. Ever.
Source (nice typo, MTV!)
GROOM: It’s our wedding cake! A delicious creation.
BRIDE: I still can’t believe I let you talk me into this thing. So what did you say it was again? It’s our “mountain of love?”
BRIDE: So it’s definitely not Jabba the Hutt.
GROOM: No, but he’s my favorite! Baby, we love Star Wars! Remember how we met at that Star Wars: Episode 1 screening?
BRIDE: Honey, that’s not real Star Wars. And hey, you know I don’t like to tell people we saw that piece of trash.
GROOM: I know.
BRIDE: And, okay, so you’re absolutely sure this isn’t a cake shaped like a soft, wet dog turd? Like the kind that happens in multiple piles around the house if you go on vacation and leave the dog with a dogsitter, and it gets really freaked out?
GROOM: Turd? No way.
BRIDE: It does look like a turd.
GROOM: I would contest that.
BRIDE: Good luck, buddy.
GROOM: Thank you.
BRIDE: Alright, but seriously. If this isn’t some kind of geoduck creation, I don’t know what it is.
GROOM: It’s not–
BRIDE: I can’t deal with geoducks, man. They look like angry, clammy, uncircumcised penises. I mean, hell, I love a dog in a turtleneck, just not on my mollusk.
GROOM: How many dogs in turtlenecks have you seen, exactly?
BRIDE: Um, nothing! OOOOH, cake! Let’s take the picture!!!!
Photo via DListed
Filed under: Bizarre Photographs, Bizarre Shapes, Jabba the Hutt, Star Wars, Star Wars: Episode 1, Steaming Piles of Turd, Trash, Uncircumcised Penises, We Love Dogs, Wedding Cake Rules, Weird Asian Behavior