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Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian

September 20th, 2011 | 0 comments | Posted by jasmine

Was Chinese TV show Super Girl cancelled because the singing competition (think American Idol) was too vulgar, or because it allowed viewers to vote (how democratic!) for their favorite contestants? [Jezebel]

No iPhone for the ROK! It looks like Samsung is planning to block the release of the iPhone 5 in South Korea. [ars technica]

Modern Family‘s new Lily is cute. We still miss old Lily (even if she always looked like she was about to fall asleep). [Aol TV]

We find it hard to argue with a deity that insists upon the consumption of Chinese food on Christmas (or any holiday really). [reddit]

First Brother-In-Law Konrad Ng–who’s married to Obama’s sister Maya Soetoro- Continue reading Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian

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Apple FTW

May 27th, 2010 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

On Wednesday, Apple’s market cap moved past Microsoft’s by $3 billion, which had CNN Money declaring Microsoft “no longer the industry’s alpha dog.”

CNN Money interviewed a couple experts on what Microsoft had to do to continue keeping up with the Jobses, with one analyst suggesting:

“They have to continue to try to find other businesses, otherwise growth is always going to be bound by the PC market. Wall Street believes in Apple because Apple continues to put out new products that capture the imaginations of the press and tech pundits. Microsoft just hasn’t been able to come up with a new multi billion dollar business like Apple.”

And while we’re no experts, we are a target demo, as the owners of about a dozen Apple products between us, so here’s another suggestion:

Continue reading Apple FTW

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Our Beloved, Apple

April 30th, 2010 | 15 comments | Posted by Diana

Dear Geniuses at Apple,

It’s no secret that Jen and I are longtime members of your cult. We live the iLife and it feels good. Jen–who prefers a corded home phone (I know, I know) and doesn’t like to be put in a corner (aka reachable while on-the-go)–even has an iPhone. Do you realize what a coup that is? I got a text from her once and I fainted. Oh, Apple.

I don’t have an iPhone. I never have.  I like the tactile sensation of my dexterous thumbs on actual buttons, tippity-tappitying messages at a wild rate and sending them off with a flourish that people can not only see, but hear and feel. I love the clunk of a Blackberry. I love that I can drop it in my coffee without breaking my own heart (I once washed someone’s iPhone 3GS by accident and it ripped my soul to shreds). I mean, I live off of my phone, and I rest easier knowing that any malfunction/loss can be dealt with outside of the Genius Bar. You can have my heart, Apple, but you cannot have my phone.

At least that’s what I’ve been saying since June of 2007, when you first released the slick, zippy, fun-filled, multi-functional, who-needs-a-brain-to-work-this-incredible-gadget iPhone. Series after series I’ve watched pour from your beautifully austere stores, right into the pockets of each and every one of my friends and loved ones. My friend develops apps that I can’t use. My sister texts me emoticons that I can’t see. I stick out like a sore thumb at  rock shows when everyone starts recording and editing video with just a raise of their right arm and a swish of their finger. Still, I’ve held out. A lone ranger in a valley of touchscreen cattle.

But April 19, when excitement began to brew over the new super-secret iPhone prototype (apparently, the model meant to be released in a month) that got leaked and thoroughly dissected by the cool kids at Gizmodo, my ears perked up for the first time.

Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Our Beloved, Apple

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The World Loves A Sausage Party

February 22nd, 2010 | 3 comments | Posted by Diana

The only downside I can see to the growing South Korean trend of using a snack sausage as a substitute fingertip during the cold months of winter (which we read about on HuffPo)…

"Brrrrr... so cold... but... need... to play... Doodle Jump!"



…is that you can’t eat the sausage while you’re using it as a finger!

Lawd knows, sometimes a girl just wants to eat the sausage.

Conundrums!

Source
Thanks, Dave!

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iDon’t Get It

February 19th, 2010 | 4 comments | Posted by Diana

My sister recently gave birth to my first nephew. Throughout nearly 20 hours of labor, she stayed in contact with everyone who cared about the delivery via countless texts and Facebook status updates, from her iPhone. Observe:


So in a weird way, I can almost understand that however strange and surreal, sometimes technology and sacred moments can wonderfully merge.

Sometimes.

But a wedding at the Apple store–in which the vows are read rapidly off of an iPhone screen, guests stand mere feet away from the Genius Bar, the groom pats the bride on the ass before saying “I do,” PEOPLE ALL AROUND THE COUPLE ARE BUYING SHIT, and the whole thing ends up in a video on YouTube?

Continue reading iDon’t Get It

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The Puff! iPhone App

October 9th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

HuffPo and Buzzfeed have posted a video demonstrating the remarkable usability of Japanese developer BottleCube’s latest iPhone app creation: Puff!

Puff! features scenes of cute Japanese girls in plausible situations (For instance, flipping over a jungle gym bar in a sexy little cheerleading outfit, or eyeing you seductively in a dark lounge while concealing summer panties and garter belt that she secretly wants you to see), whose skirts can be “blown” up high to reveal their underthings with just a tap/rub up the screen or blow on the iPhone mic. The harder you rub and blow, the higher her skirt flies, and the more delighted (via squeals) she seems.

But not everyone can get Puff! on the iPhone. In fact, the iTunes App store says you must be at least 17 years old to download:


But we think it could be a little simpler than that. To download this app, you kinda just have to fuckin’ BLOW. Like, really, really hard.

[HuffPo: Puff iPhone App Simulates Looking Up Girls' Skits (VIDEO)]
[BuzzFeed: Puff! An iPhone App For Perverts]

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iPhone Voice Command Is, Um, Racist!

September 3rd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


Dear Apple,

Hi! How’s it going? Typing this note on my trusty MacBook, as always. :)

So I was hanging with my dude this week, playing around on his awesome new iPhone 3GS. Holy moly, is that a fun little machine. I foresee us taking many videos of babies, editing them instantly, and sending them to friends. Neat.

I’ve just got one little gripe to make. It’s the Voice Control feature. I think it’s racist. Don’t tell me technology can’t be racist. Trust me, it can. See, Voice Control loves the name “Willis Bullard.” It could call Willis all day long. “G Scott Barrett,” easy as pie.

Here’s a name it hates. Diana Nguyen. And what I really think it hates is the NGUYEN. That is bullshit, Apple! It’s bullshit!

Okay fine, I understand that there are a lot of fuckin’ consonants in that there Vietnamese name, but trust that it was said “en-goo-yen” “ung-yoo-en” “win” “noo-win” “noo-yen” “gnu-yeen”–Egh. I won’t continue. But there have been many permutations attempted. When “Diana Nguyen” is spoken into Voice Control, who does the iPhone want to call? Lots of different white folks. Not me, not the seven people in my family that share my surname and also occupy space in the address book. It totally sucks!

Is there any possible way to fix this, any formula we can apply to get around it? Hey–I’m just trying to help. I’m asking for all of the Nguyens in the world!!

Y’know what? Fuck it. I’ll get real with you. We’re just talking about me here. And it’s a very gentle request. All I’m asking is that iPhone’s Voice Control function gets an update soon that accounts for the last name Nguyen, so that when my boyfriend speaks my name into his phone to call me he doesn’t DIAL HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND FIVE TIMES IN A ROW, WITH THAT CHARMING VOICE COMMAND READING HER NAME–WHICH IS IN NO WAY SIMILAR TO MINE–ALOUD OVER AND OVER, ANNOYING ME MORE AND MORE EACH TIME, MAKING ME WANT TO STAB HIS NEW IPHONE IN ITS MOTHERFUCKING FACE UNTIL IT’S DEAD, MOTHERFUCKING DEAD.

Okay? Okay, cool.

Talk to you soon! Feel free to send me a free MacBook Air or whatever.

xoxo,
Diana

[Apple: Introducing iPhone 3GS]

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The Geisha iPhone App: Useless Applicasians

February 3rd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

I hate iPhone apps. I only have Facebook and Pandora on my phone, because I don’t want to masturbate all day with it. Isn’t it enough that I simply have a phone? (Remember when Diana prayed to the Technology God to give me an iPhone? Well, it worked. Believe in the power of prayer, kids.) Do I need it to be a harmonica, too? Do I really need it to tell me my mood (answer: no, because I’m usually pissed off) and calculate a tip for me (answer: no, because one should never be too lazy to do simple math)? And can someone please tell me what is so amazing about that stupid chalk man and why I would want to see him dancing around like a bone-less, cracked-out raver? Or what, pray tell, is so cool about making my phone fart?

Grrrrrr.

Whatever. I get that that’s my issue. I guess it’s also my issue that I don’t get the Geisha iPhone app. She’s a geisha! And she dances just for you! Yeah, she dances just for you. Imagine a horrible version of The Robot crossed with Benjamin Button’s glide-step when he was on crutches accompanied by ching-chongy music that will make you seriously contemplate ritual suicide. I know this because I had to buy the damn thing to bag on it and now it’s cluttering my phone and, I fear, my life.

Grrrrrrr. Again.

But why stop at geishas? Why not have a stripper app? Or better yet, a lap dance app? Why not have the iPhone also be a dildo? It already vibrates, so you’re halfway there.

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The Problem with Socialist Inculcasian (UPDATE)

August 25th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

A UK man reported on a MacRumors Forum last week that he received his new iPhone pre-loaded with pictures of the factory girl who made it:


Okay, altogether now: Awwwwwwwwwww! Cuuuuuuuuute!

Now that we got that out of the way, can we be serious for an iMoment? The iPhone is assembled in Shenzhen, China (where basically everything you own is made). So this girl is Chinese. And we can comfortably assume that she’s been inculcated by socialist doctrine her whole life. Which means we need to shake some sense into her.

HOMEGIRL, LISTEN TO YOUR CAPITALIST SISTAS. Photos of cute Asian chicks that wind up circulating the internets so that pasty white dudes have something to spank it to are worth a premium, yo. Under no circumstances do you EVER give that shit away for free! Y’hear?!

[via BuzzFeed]

UPDATE: A spokesperson for Foxconn, who assembles the phones, calls the iPhone photo incident a “mistake.” You bet your not-free ass it is!

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