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DISGRASIAN NATION, do you know this man?
I ask because he’s become the poster-boy–unwittingly, I suspect–for dudes who think “being just friends” with girls will somehow help them get into those girls’ vaginas (which it does not 99% of the time).
Meet “Friend-Zoned Phil”:
Filed under: Friend Zone Fiona, Friend-Zone, Friend-Zoned, Friend-Zoned Phil, Girls Don't Want Guys To Be Their Girlfriends, Horrible Portraits, Internet Memes, Just Friends, Poster Boys, Sad Sacks, When Guys Become Girlfriends, Whipping Boys
As some of you know, our site was down yesterday.
And unlike most Monday mornings, where the most disturbing thing greeting us first thing is our weekend hangovers, there was so much bad shit going on in the world.
In other words, so much bad shit to blog about.
There was the ongoing tragedy taking place on Twitter, enacted by randos and well-known players alike–50 Cent, Gilbert Gottfried, the WNBA’s Cappie Poindexter, Family Guy writer Alec Sulkin–that made fun of the ongoing tragedy in Japan.
And, of course, there were also those two viral videos. The one about Asians in the library from UCLA student Alexandra Wallace, and the one about God punishing Japan with the earthquake because it’s a country of atheists (which has since been revealed as a hoax and the work of a troll).
Like we said: SO MUCH BAD SHIT.
So how, in a moment like this, could the Internet betray us and leave us without a forum to air out our grievances? Normally, we’d blame evil gnomes–which a friend suggested look exactly like Arcade Fire–but this was different. This was bigger.
Filed under: Alexandra Wallace, Asians In The Library, Assholes, Cheesedicks, Ching Ching Ling Long Ting Tong, Chinglish, Dickburgers, Dickfaces, Dumbasses, Earthquake, Gnomes, God Is So Good, Hangovers, Idiots, Internet Memes, Japan, Racists, Trolls, Tsunami, Twitter, UCLA, YouTube
So my latest troll down YouTube lane began with a link from my friend, Doug. It led to a video (removed from YouTube today) posted by an American gent in his fifties (and bearing an uncanny likeness to Captain Kangaroo). In it, he wears a custom hachimaki and dances wackily in front of the screen projection of a music video from the J-pop band Perfume. The man, who goes by the YouTube handle Perfume444, gleefully professes his longstanding love for Perfume–particularly his favorite member of the trio, A-Chan, as he makes kissing motions to her video lips. He smiles the biggest grin I’ve seen on a human being in weeks. The piece ends with a scrolling caption: “I really, really, really LOVE Perfume!!!”
I thought, instantly: DISGRASIAN. A snap judgment, yes, but I doubt I was the only one who would have made it.
But I needed to see more. So I clicked through to his YouTube channel. Quickly, I saw that Frank (Perfume444) had something to say for himself in the “About Me” section:
PERFUME 444 CHANNEL IS NOT ABOUT PEOPLE SEEING ME…ITS ABOUT ME THANKING PERFUME FOR ALL THAT THEY HAVE DONE !!!
I have been to Japan in 2003 and 2005.. I play Drums so did 2 small tours in Japan. I LOVE JAPAN !!!! I miss it so much. The Japanese People are so kind and wonderful. I really feel like my soul is Japanese. About Perfume… I got into Perfume in early 2006. I was looking for Japan stuff on youtube, all kinds of music from Japan and I found Perfume. The song Akihabalove was the first one I heard. I fell in love with that song and the girls. I watched the beehive cam on youtube and watched them grow up. So my love for them is like a father daughter love. Not sex because they were so young at the time. Even now I still see them as big kids, NOT sex objects. Anyway…about the Music… I was hooked, It was so different then anything I heard before. my all time favorite song is Seventh heaven…It all ways makes me cry. I also love Secret Secret , Foundation, computer city, Macaroni, Edge , ” jenny in a bad mood ” wonder 2, Polyrhythm,Baby cruising love , Vitamin Drop, yes Its heard to pick just one song. A-Chan is my favorite. If I was 20 yrs old I would want to marry her. But Im not ! Im 55 yrs old. But perfume music makes me feel happy and young I wish I could find some one like A-Chan. She is the most beautiful person I have ever seen. her heart and sole are heaven ! The person that marries her will be the luckiest person on earth.
Well, shit, the words were sweet as perfume. AND LITTERED WITH RED FLAGS. (Quick, another snap judgment: Frank is a full-on Nippon perv who clearly thinks of the 21 and 22-year-old members of Perfume as sex objects. I mean, hello, read the “About Me” excerpt!)
But first, more proof. More videos. Needed to see more creepy, pervy, proofy videos. But my eyes slid to the right and glimpsed this user comment:
Continue reading He Really, Really, Really Loves Perfume
Filed under: 4Chan, A-Chan, Captain Kangaroo, Creepy Old Dudes, Frank Evins, Happy Birthday Kashiyuka Video, Internet Memes, J-Pop, Japan, Kashiyuka, Nippon, Nocchi, Perfume, Perfume444, Pervs, Snap Judgments, Squirrel Glider, Wormholes, WTF?, YouTube, YouTube Is a Sordid Place