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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! George W. Bush
We know what you’re saying. President Dubya is DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK? SNOOZER! The man is a walking, never-ending, spit-in-your-face, embodiment of disgrace. What the hell took you guys so long?
Our short answer to that is a question: would you rush to put that photo (above) up on your blog? We don’t think so!
But we could resist no longer after reading the White House transcripts of Bush’s recent meeting with Filipino President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, which occurred on Tuesday amidst her country’s recovery from this month’s devastating typhoon.
Dubya did his best to make his guest feel comfortable by letting her know that he was familiar-like with her kind.
From (to avoid linking you directly to the White House site–it’s for your own good) the Huffington Post:
PRESIDENT BUSH: Madam President, it is a pleasure to welcome you back to the Oval Office. We have just had a very constructive dialogue. First, I want to tell you how proud I am to be the President of a nation that — in which there’s a lot of Philippine-Americans. They love America and they love their heritage. And I reminded the President that I am reminded of the great talent of the — of our Philippine-Americans when I eat dinner at the White House. (Laughter.)
PRESIDENT ARROYO: Yes.
PRESIDENT BUSH: And the chef is a great person and a really good cook, by the way, Madam President.
PRESIDENT ARROYO: Thank you.
My word, what a gentleman! And what an ice breaker. But we wonder… in Dubya’s head, does the transcript look more like this?: Our cook is Flip-a-penes American, howdy hoo! Do ya know her? Aw, y’all eat rice or grape leaves or somethin’. Aw, my brain sure is tired.
All we know is the Prez seems like a really nice, really aware guy. Rest assured that me ‘n my ladies–that is, nail ladies–can’t wait to have our own chat with him some day.
Source
Thanks, Eliza and Jasmine!
Filed under: cooks, Dubya, Embarrassing, Fucking Idiocy, George Bush is a Dick, Insults, Moronic Statements, President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, the Philippines, This Isn't Even PC Drivel
Talkin’ Trasian
I almost met Hines “Sticky Fingers” Ward last month, a would-be-life-changing visit that was thwarted by his impending knee surgery after the Steelers lost the wild card playoff game against Jacksonville. Had I actually come face-to-face with my super-human, smiling hero, the conversasian might have gone something like this:
DIANA: omg.
HINES: Hey there.
DIANA: I love you.
HINES: What’s that?
DIANA: (loudly) I love you.
HINES: Um. [45-second pause while Diana stares] So, it’s Diana, is it? Did you want me to autograph something, or, er, something? I’m really busy, um, I hafta, um, help out some mixed-race Koreans soon, or…
DIANA: I…I…I…
HINES: [shuffles awkwardly in seat] Hrmm. So it’s been good to meet you, Diana. But listen, I know I’m grinning like a hyena right now as if I’m having a good time, and I am I guess, but I kind of always smile like that… and, basically, I have to go.
DIANA: [erupting like a volcano] YOU CATCH EVERY BALL! YOU CATCH IT! [slobbers]
HINES: …
DIANA: Let’s just take a picture.
HINES: Okay. [grins like a hyena]
If by some other circumstance I would have instead gotten a sit-down with our QB, Ben “I only throw interceptions when it matters most” Roethlisberger, I imagine the conversasian would transpire something more like this:
BEN: Wazzzzzuup, girl?
DIANA: Hello, Ben. I’m honored to meet you, I’m such a big Steelers fan. I cried when we won our last Super Bowl.
BEN: Yahhhh!
DIANA: Yeah. So…
BEN: God, I could really use a beer, or somethin’. Or somethin’!
DIANA: Right. Can I ask you a question? Or a couple of questions?
BEN: ‘Sup.
DIANA: Why the hell would the youngest QB ever to lead their team to win a Super Bowl subsequently drive maniacally on a motorcycle with no helmet, when hundreds of thousands of fans depend on him every week for consistency, hope, and inspirasian?
BEN: Augh, dude, totally.
DIANA: Huh?
BEN: That sucked.
DIANA: Throwing interceptions sucks, Ben. Losing to the Jets sucks, Ben. Getting sacked while lumbering around the field trying to find someone to throw to sucks, Ben! Losing as a wild card in the post-season when you have the #1 Defense in the league, sucks, BEN!!!
BEN: Man, I know.
DIANA: [growls, frustrated]
BEN: So… anything else?
DIANA: Yes. One more thing. Why are you currently running off your mouth about wanting A “tall receiver,” laying down tons of backhanded compliments about your teammates that especially make Hines Ward feel like shit? All of this in the midst of you trying to speedily negotiate your new contract?
BEN: Ah dude, I dunno.
DIANA: Hines is a fucking hero. He is your savior. He rises to the task when you need him most– which is often, because when you’re not on the ball you are really fucking OFF the ball, dude.
BEN: Yeah.
DIANA: Be a leader! Love thy brother! Don’t sting your brohams with words. Sting the OTHER TEAMS by WINNING. By throwing complete passes. By making the right plays. By running harder and faster. Focus on yourself, don’t go trying to make Hines feel small. He may be compact but he’s an animal on the field. I wouldn’t want to piss that dude off. He’ll just smile you to death and then jump fifteen feet in the air to catch a ball with his pinky.
BEN: You’re right. Maybe I’m just jealous. I’m so big. I used to think that I looked cuddly but sometimes when I’m watching film I feel like I just look fat and clumsy.
DIANA: It’s okay, Ben. Everybody makes mistakes. And you’re not fat. Let’s just work on how you feel about YOU, and take your focus off of everybody else.
BEN: And how I feel about me is… good?
DIANA: Uh huh.
BEN: I feel…GOOD… about ME!
DIANA: [sighs and takes a seat] Okay, I can see this is going to take awhile. But we’ll get there, one day at a time.
Filed under: Awkward Moments, Ben Roethlisberger, Brotherly Backstabbing, Don't Be Dissin' My Mand, Hines Ward, Insults, Loose Lips, The Steelers
