You are currently browsing posts tagged with Inscrutable

DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Rush “Ching Chong” Limbaugh

January 20th, 2011 | 6 comments | Posted by Jen

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again: modern-day racists are lazy.  They’re lazy in their spelling.  They’re lazy in naming their children.  And lest you think they’re only lazy when it comes to things that are difficult or require a certain amount of thinking, they’re even lazy when it comes to their pastimes, to activities that only serve to please, like building snowmen, for instance.

Take, for example, Rush Limbaugh whinging yesterday about how FOX News wasn’t translating a speech given by Hu Jintao, which resulted in Rush’s dumb ass only being able to make out a bunch of unintelligible ching chong:

I mean, he’s not even giving racism the old college try!  This racism is so bald, not even the anti-political correctness crowd could give it a pass.  This racism is even beneath young children.  This kind of racism is just lazy.

But you know one thing that’s great about lazy racists? Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Rush “Ching Chong” Limbaugh

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Danny Pang, Forever Inscrutable

September 21st, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Don’t call an Asian brotha inscrutable, unless his name is Danny Pang.


Pang, the OC financier who was often called “California’s Bernie Madoff” because of the multimillion dollar Ponzi scheme he allegedly pulled off through his Irvine-based Private Equity Management Group, died September 12 at the age of 42 from an apparent drug overdose. Newport Beach police, who were summoned to Pang’s home on September 11, where they found the accused fraudster unconscious, believe Pang’s death was a suicide. Pang faced civil charges for defrauding his investors out of millions and criminal charges for evading currency-reporting laws at the time of his death.

Pang’s entire adult life, it seems, was marked by shady stuff. Although he told investors that he held an undergraduate degree and an MBA from UC Irvine and was elected chairman of the Asian Pacific Student & Staff Association there, the school has no records of him attending except for a single summer term.


Then there was his marriage to Janie Louise Pang (pictured above), a former stripper, who called police to their home four times in the 90′s for domestic disturbance complaints, according to the WSJ. In May 1997, Ms. Pang wanted out of the marriage and hired a private investigation firm to spy on her husband. The day after the firm caught her husband holding hands with another woman, Ms. Pang was murdered in their home. This was the family maid’s eyewitness account of the killing, from court records:

…the family’s maid heard Ms. Pang, her 5-year-old at her side, answer the door and begin talking to the visitor, who asked if she was “Miss Pang.”

She then began screaming. The maid saw her run through the house, chased by an elegantly dressed man carrying a briefcase and holding a gun. As Ms. Pang cowered in a closet, he shot her dead.

Janie Louise Pang’s murder still remains unsolved.

As for his corrupt business dealings, Daily Intel published a detailed timeline chronicling them around the time of his arrest in April, calling Pang’s alleged fraud “the most insane…of 2009.” Which is saying something.

Following his death, Pang’s family issued a curious statement through a spokesman:

“Danny was a wonderful husband, loving father, and honest businessman. It is distressing that Danny had to endure such a mean-spirited assault on his character without ever having a chance to defend himself. We remain steadfast in our believe that Danny would have been vindicated if he had been given that opportunity.”

But wasn’t that what his trial, which had been recently delayed until next August, was for?

Like I said, inscrutable.

[NY Times: Danny Pang, Financier Under Investigation, Is Dead at 42]
[Daily Intel: And the Title for Most Insane Alleged Fraud of 2009 (So Far) Goes To...]
[WSJ: The Unsolved Murder of Janie Louise Pang]

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Imperfect, Indeed

May 20th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Mariah exclusively announced the name of her new album today on Twitter, which is slated to be called Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel.

Frankly, we figured after all of our helpful comments regarding her last record, the new LP would have been dedicated to us, and maybe even called DISGRASIAN is the Bestest Blog Ever–but no dice. WTF!?!?

Overall, though, we’re just glad she didn’t follow up E=MC² with a rekkid called U Hotter Than Quantum Theory, Lamb. Or Memoirs of a Hot Geisha. “Glad,” by the way.

Additional note: Think we’re wrong to judge Ms. Carey on her brains? Try “reading” her tweets (if your brain starts to hurt, stop) and we’re sure you’ll feel differently.

[Mariah Carey on Twitter]

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Why Throw Your Money Awaysian?

April 9th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Sprint recently unveiled a new ad campaign, “Why Throw Your Money Away?” that targets the recession-consumer. Take a look at this TV spot, featuring an Asian family:

Well, Sprint got one thing right. It’s totally conceivable that the white families would stop, stare, and be baffled by the one Asian family-in-the-neighborhood’s inscrutable ways (How come the dad never smiles? Why is he gardening in a sweater vest? Why does he sometimes garden in sandals? How come the mom never speaks and runs quickly inside the house when we say hello to her? Why is the daughter always doing chores and practicing the piano badly instead of having slumber parties? etc.).

But an Asian family throwing, or, in this case, blowing money away (and not at a gambling table)?! Never!

Thanks, Beth!

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That Chinese Sperm Bank Photo: You’ve Been Shanghaied

March 31st, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

I saw this NSFW photo on BuzzFeed yesterday, allegedly taken at a Shanghai sperm bank:


…and my immediate train of thought was, Yick Yuck What the Fuck Their Sperm Works but Their Hands Don’t Being a Woman Blows. And then that quivery Kate Bush song, “This Woman’s Work,” came on in my head, and I was pissed.

But I conducted a little investigasian today and found that this picture first surfaced on the interwebz in late 2008, and it was immediately dismissed as a hoax by officials at Renji Hospital in Shanghai, where the sperm bank is located. So why, then, does this meme still persist? A coupla theories:

  1. Because the world needs more Asian massage parlor jokes
  2. Because everything in China is wack and fucked-up and backwards, unlike in the West
  3. Because Asians are inscrutable, as are their customs

The only good to cum (yuk yuk, me so funny) out of this photo is that I’m no longer outraged, I’m just bored.

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SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: Poker Faces

July 15th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

The final table of the World Series of Poker Main Event was set yesterday in Vegas, and three of the remaining nine players gunning for the $9.12 million dollar purse are Asian. David “Chino” Rheem, 28, and Kelly Kim, 31, both of Los Angeles, CA, along with 39 year-old accountant Darus Suharto of Toronto, Canada, will compete on November 9-10 for the big prize.

Why are Asians so good at poker? Well, there are the obvious reasons: we’re good at math, we’ve been gambling since the beginning of time, and we’ve got “inscrutable” poker faces.

Read Me: Suharto, Rheem, and Kim


Oh, and we love love love to win.

Good luck, boys!

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For BB!

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