You are currently browsing posts tagged with Impersonasians

Gotta Get This Off of My Chest

January 13th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Freddie Mercury is my hero for many reasons, but particularly one: the man had CHARISMA.

Jen will attest to the fact that I do not tolerate those without charisma well. I’m unusally harsh on bad party guests, drippy dinner attendees, fidgety young girls, and guys who have nothing to say about nothing. Charisma isn’t something you’re born with–it’s something you develop. Therefore, I believe that exhibiting or not exhibiting said charisma is indeed a choice. A lack of charisma, therefore, reflects a complete neglect for what other people are supposed to glean from your presence. And if you don’t choose to even be interesting to perceive, you totally suck in my book. Okay, you’re worthless.

Anyway, back to Mercury, a man who, by all standards, was once the living embodiment of charisma. Freddie Mercury was the opposite of worthless, ya hear? He might have blown a few rails off of some backstage drips back in the good ol’ days, but he certainly didn’t respect to those people, or talk and cuddle with them. He definitely wouldn’t have written “You’re My Best Friend” about them.

My friends, I must declare here that Freddie Mercury is sacred in my book. You can sing along with him. You can love him. You can impersonate him, but only by really digging deep to find your serious, true, inner Mercury.

HOWEVER,
YOU
MUST
NOT
MIMIC
WITH
RIDICULE.

FREDDIE
IS
NO
FUCKING
JOKE.

I’m talking to this Japanese tool, who knocks off a few laughs by taking on late-life Mercury’s persona:

…who, will have his real chest hair ripped out of him, should he be so unlucky as to ever bump into me on the streets of Tokyo.

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Thanks, jRu!

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Auntie?

September 17th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


WHAT THE F*CK??

Why in God’s name is my oldest, crankiest, meanest aunt stumping for McCain and Palin?? Is she even registered to vote? Also, I’ve only seen her wear cotton–where did she get this wooly mock turtleneck?

Jeezus, I’m related to another REPUBLICAN?? How did this happen?

So many questions. SO many questions.

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RNC Updasian: The Sham Continues

September 2nd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

People here are totally buying the “Diana as a Republican” impersonasian project. It’s so awesome! Yesterday, I even got heckled on the street by two hippies with a camcorder (am I confusing hippies with the Amish, or does that seem kinda wrong to you, too?), who yelled wistfully after me, “Now remember, Republicans are sexist, and you’re a WOMAN!”

I actually found myself getting angry. How dare they assault me for my political beliefs! And for the record, what’s so wrong with drilling in ANWR, and supporting the war in Iraq, and baking a cake for my husband? I couldn’t believe their nerve. So I adjusted my lanyard and RNC credentials, touched the pearls on my neck for strength, and kept walking.

Walking, that is, into the convention hall. Where I met other like-minded individuals, who I prayed with, and Muslim-bashed with, and spittoeyed on women’s and gay rights with. What fun! I was actually sad when it was over.

Until, of course, I met Bill O’Reilly. Even though he was a mean old dickface goat, it truly was an honor. An honor!

Brainwashed

Now, how can I get in touch with Ms. Coulter and Ms. Malkin, the mavericks of our time? Somebody, help me please!

Um, I mean, really HELP ME. I think this “impersonasian” thing has gone too far. I’m booking a ticket home from the RNC for tomorrow morning, STAT.

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Thanks, Christie and Joeff!

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We Are the Worl

March 3rd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

When watching this Japanese re-creation of “We Are the World,” are you freaked out by all the blackface…

…or have you, too, always wanted to reenact this?

I love the Japanese Cyndi Lauper. I want to be her for Halloween.

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