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As some of you know, our site was down yesterday.
And unlike most Monday mornings, where the most disturbing thing greeting us first thing is our weekend hangovers, there was so much bad shit going on in the world.
In other words, so much bad shit to blog about.
There was the ongoing tragedy taking place on Twitter, enacted by randos and well-known players alike–50 Cent, Gilbert Gottfried, the WNBA’s Cappie Poindexter, Family Guy writer Alec Sulkin–that made fun of the ongoing tragedy in Japan.
And, of course, there were also those two viral videos. The one about Asians in the library from UCLA student Alexandra Wallace, and the one about God punishing Japan with the earthquake because it’s a country of atheists (which has since been revealed as a hoax and the work of a troll).
Like we said: SO MUCH BAD SHIT.
So how, in a moment like this, could the Internet betray us and leave us without a forum to air out our grievances? Normally, we’d blame evil gnomes–which a friend suggested look exactly like Arcade Fire–but this was different. This was bigger.
Filed under: Alexandra Wallace, Asians In The Library, Assholes, Cheesedicks, Ching Ching Ling Long Ting Tong, Chinglish, Dickburgers, Dickfaces, Dumbasses, Earthquake, Gnomes, God Is So Good, Hangovers, Idiots, Internet Memes, Japan, Racists, Trolls, Tsunami, Twitter, UCLA, YouTube
LIKE WOW OMG WTF LOL!!!!!!!!!
Tila Tequila has a gossip blog called MissTilaOMG.com!!! OMG!!! And like Tila, it has a VERY tenuous grip on reality!!! For example! Gossip Cop reported today that Tila posted about Drew Barrymore’s tell-all coloring book!!! And she asked her readers if they’d buy it and who exactly was the intended audience?! OMG!!! Because it, like, deals with adult themes like addiction and SEXuality!!!!!
Only problem is, the coloring book isn’t REAL!!! It’s a fake-as-Tila’s-breasts story from The Onion!!! WATCH BELOW LOL!!!!!!!
Filed under: Bad Reporting, Drew Barrymore Coloring Book, Dumbasses, Exclamation Point Abuse, Fact Checking, Fake Tits, Gossip Sites, Idiots, Miss Tila OMG, OMG, Reality Checks, Reality Has-Beens, STFU, The Onion, Tila Nguyen, Tila Tequila
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JESSE JAMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We bet this one was a HAPPY one!
‘Cuz there’s nothing like being turning 41 to remind you of what really counts in life: knowing that your family is happy and your career in order.
We figured you probably didn’t get many, so we decided to go in together on a couple of birthday presents for ya. They are:
Filed under: Bad Years, Birthdays, Cheaters, Condoms, Down the Tubes, Fuckups, Homewrecks, Idiots, Jesse James, Jesse James Affairs, Jesse James Cheats On Sandra Bullock, Jesse James Kids, Jesse James Mistresses, Jesse James Nazi Photo, Messes, Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, Michelle Bombshell Nazi Photo, Mid-Life Crises, Really Stupid People, Strippers, The Most Hated Man In America
UK’s Telegraph is reporting that Lindsay Lohan could be blacklisted from visiting India due to a visa fudge during her highly (self-)publicized trip to film a BBC documentary. Apparently her tweets weren’t only annoying to us.
From the Telegraph:
“The Mean Girls star had arrived in India to film an expose of child labour and trafficking of women which was later broadcast on BBC3, but she provoked a row when she claimed to have personally rescued 40 children.
In a series of updates on the social networking site Twitter, she boasted of her role in a daring raid on a child labour sweatshop and claimed the experience had changed her life….
…Now she may not be able to visit India again after officials looked at her case and found she had failed to apply for a work visa for her trip.“
Filed under: BBC, Celebrity Twitterers, Celebutards, Crawl In A Hole Already Lindsay, Documentaries, Doing Good, Idiots, India, Jessica Simpson, Lindsay Lohan, More Harm Than Good, Real-Time Documentation Of Yourself Breaking The Law, Thanks For The Effort, Twitter, Visa Problems, Whoopsieeee
You may remember Viet Dinh as George W. Bush’s Assistant Attorney General from 2001 to 2003, and the man hailed as the main author of The Patriot Act (for a memory refresher, download his opus here).
Dinh made a speaking appearance on a panel today at CPAC, the Conservative Political Action Conference, and used the mic to defend the Patriot act as well as call out President Obama for killing too many terrorists.
“Why have executions increased?” asked Viet Dinh, a professor at Georgetown University Law Center and one of the authors of the USA Patriot Act. Citing a recent Washington Post article on the increased targeted killing of terrorists, Dinh complained that “the president and vice president expound this fact as a fact that they are actually successful in war.”
“That doesn’t mean I think they are not illegitimate,” he added. “No, we have every right to kill the other side’s warriors. But at what cost? When we do not have an effective detention policy the only option we have is to kill them before we can detain them. And if we don’t detain them, we don’t know what they know and what they are up to.”
Filed under: Bush Administration, Detaining Terrorists Has Worked Really Well For Us In The Past, Detainment, Enough Already, Former Assistant Attorney General, George W. Bush, Idiots, Obama Kills Too Many Terrorists, Partisan Bullshit, Partisanship, Pinko Commies, Right Wing Nutjobs, Terror, Terrorism, Terrorist Attacks, Terrorists, Terrorysteria, The Patriot Act, The Patriot Act is Unpatriotic, Viet Dinh, You Can't Win With These People
We know the bar is low for both teenagers and actresses when it comes to awareness of global events and having brains larger than peas and all, but we were still stunned when we read little Taylor Momsen‘s response to OK! Magazine’s inquiry about her thoughts on the Haiti earthquake fallout.
“Um, right now I’m trying to just finish my record and getting through the last season of Gossip Girl for right now. So not so much thinking about that.”
Added Taylor, “But it’s awesome that everyone is ya know working towards a good cause.”
Filed under: 7.0 Earthquake In Haiti, Actresses, Haiti, Haiti Earthquake, Huh?, Idiots, Nonsense, People That Must Live In A Fucking Cave, People That Should Never Be Considered Role Models, Resenting the Young, Shock, Taylor Momsen, Teenagers, Wacktresses, WTF?, Young Hollywood
A young Sarah Palin’s reason for spending only one semester at the Hawaii Pacific University is under debate after The New Yorker’s Sam Tanhauser revealed this gem of info in a comparison of Palin’s autobiography, Going Rogue: An American Life, and Scott Conroy and Shushannah Walshe’s career examination, Sarah From Alaska:
She is equally circumspect on the issue of ethnicity, pointing out that Todd, whom she met in high school, is “part Yupik Eskimo” and opened her to the “social diversity” of Alaska. (Wasilla is more than eighty per cent white.)Palin, though notoriously ill-travelled outside the United States, did journey far to the first of the four colleges she attended, in Hawaii. She and a friend who went with her lasted only one semester. “Hawaii was a little too perfect,” Palin writes. “Perpetual sunshine isn’t necessarily conducive to serious academics for eighteen-year-old Alaska girls.” Perhaps not. But Palin’s father, Chuck Heath, gave a different account to Conroy and Walshe. According to him, the presence of so many Asians and Pacific Islanders made her uncomfortable: “They were a minority type thing and it wasn’t glamorous, so she came home.” In any case, Palin reports that she much preferred her last stop, the University of Idaho, “because it was much like Alaska yet still ‘Outside.’ ”
Filed under: Alaska, Autobiographies, Chuck Heath, Conroy and Walshe, Discomfort, Going Rogue, Hawaii, Hawaii Isn't Glamorous? And Idaho Is??, Idiots, Minority "Things", New Yorker, Pacific Islanders, Sarah From Alaska, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin Father, Sarah Palin Uncomfortable, Too Many Smart People, Toxic Humans
HuffPo has culled together the
best-spelled worst of the worst protest signs from Michele Bachmann’s Tea Party yesterday, which was designed to “scare members of Congress” into voting against healthcare reform.
Our top three:
Filed under: American Idiots, Congress, Conservatards, Dubious Comparisons, Genocide, Health Care Bill Public Option, Healthcare, Healthcare Reform, Idiots, Jackholes, Mao Zedong, Michele Bachmann, Protests, Scary Shit, Sharing The Country, Tea Parties, The Holocaust, This is Bullshit, What The Hell Are These People Talking About?
“Ken, I am like, fully having soooo much fun in India! I’m so glad that I decided to wear my Indian vest and jean shorts to tonight’s gala. Remember when we bought this vest in New Mexico? I actually am kinda loving it right now.
Anyway, how much are you feeling this country? Everyone keeps saying sorry, sorry, sorry all the time. Who was it that was telling me that I should wear sorries for special parties? I didn’t know how to look sorry, so I just wore this old vest!
OMG, we have taken sooooo many awesome (three) pictures of all of the beautiful sights ( including ourselves at totally nondescript locations like the airport) here in this strange country!! Right?? I really kinda dig the hand b-b-bling, right? Look at this! It’s like somebody… drew all over my hand! I feel like they should, like, totally do this in America, cuz it looks so good on you no matter what size you are. Just like shoes and sweatpants. But I’m not sure about this bindi thing. I think it makes me look cross-eyed. Every time I look at it in the mirror I look cross-eyed.
Filed under: Ashlee Simpson, Bindis, Boring Peope, Gwen Stefani, Has-Beens, Idiots, India, Jessica Simpson, ken paves, Losing "It", Mom Bikinis, Racial Drag, Reality TV, Sublebrities, The Price Of Beauty
Sarah Palin FINALLY stepped down as Alaska governor Sunday, but not before she got in one last dig at the media that has, ah, loved her so.
“So how about in honor of the American soldier,” she said, “you quit making up things.“
Here’s a video of Carrie Prejean, the reigning Miss California, near tears at a press conference–while talking about how she was unfairly treated after answering a tough question about (tsk!) gay marriage during this year’s pageant:
And here’s me (or Jen), playing the world’s smallest violin:
Sigh. What a dumb bitch.
Filed under: Bad Reprzentatives, Carrie Prejean, Donald Trump, Dumb Bitches, Dumb Blondes, Fuck Off, Gay Marriage, Hateful People, Idiots, Miss California, Really Dumb People, Same-Sex Marriage, Violins