You are currently browsing posts tagged with Ick

Woo-Hooters?

April 12th, 2010 | 7 comments | Posted by Diana

I did not know this: Beijing has been home to one of three Chinese Hooters restaurants since 2008.

She works hard for the money... So hard for the money...

The LA Times ran a piece before the weekend describing the thriving franchise locations, and noting the significance of their success in a sexually confused China.

Author Lily Kuo wonders if the ladies in orange short-shorts might actually be ushering in a powerful new kind of sexuality for China’s micromanaged population, allowing them a “clean,” safe, “family” experience that emboldens young and enticing females:

On the scale of China’s sexual evolution, Hooters lands somewhere between a wink and a smile. Unthinkable two decades ago, the restaurant promotes a playful kind of sexuality different from the country’s seedy massage parlors and hostess bars, and yes, it serves the chain’s famous wings too.

The restaurant may be another example of globalization in China, but it’s also a snapshot of changing attitudes toward sex in a country full of contradictions. Gone are the days when public displays of affection were frowned upon, although selected things remain off-limits.

It’s possible, she writes, that the popular Chinese Hooters locations might actually reflect a shift towards what Kuo calls “hot-girl economics,” where female sex appeal is the bargaining chip (American readers, you may, uh, be familiar).

All I know is that any time I’m sitting at a restaurant table and a goofy-grinned girl kneels down too close to ask me if I’d like to add some fish to my wing order, while wearing slippery nylons under polyester shorts and shoving her cans in my face, I get sad.  I don’t get hungry.

And I’m pretty sure that feeling applies to both Chinese and American goofy-grinned girls in polyester shorts.

[LAT: Hooters Restaurant Underscores Mixed Sexual Messages In China]
[Hooters China - Official Site]

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10 Reasons Not To Get Plastic Surgery To Look Like Jessica Alba (And One Reason To Do It)

February 5th, 2010 | 11 comments | Posted by Diana

A 21 year-old girl in China is getting plastic surgery to look like Jessica Alba.

Now Jess is really, really hot. Damn near perfect, if there is such a thing. Worse, she’s only better in person.


But why would anyone want to look like some actress instead of like themselves?

Why, for love.

You see, Xiaoqing (future patient) was dating some cheesedick for a year and a half that was so obsessed with Alba that it consumed him entirely (read: he is a freakish stalker gnome), and eventually she had to bail. Post facto, instead of thanking bejeezus that she got away from that sick, sad, reality-challenged nerdbomber, Xiaoqing began to regret the split and brainstormed ways to get him back. The result of all that thinking was the choice to alter her appearance and become, as Erasure may have put it, Alba-esque.

Continue reading 10 Reasons Not To Get Plastic Surgery To Look Like Jessica Alba (And One Reason To Do It)

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American Apparel, You Won’t Do This To Us Again

January 14th, 2010 | 5 comments | Posted by Diana

I can’t help but think that every time the girl in the new American Apparel ad (the one peddling some godawfully ugly black lace bodysuit) cringes every time she sees the damn thing.

‘Cuz I would. I would feel ashamed. Very ashamed.

[American Apparel - Official Site]

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The Puff! iPhone App

October 9th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

HuffPo and Buzzfeed have posted a video demonstrating the remarkable usability of Japanese developer BottleCube’s latest iPhone app creation: Puff!

Puff! features scenes of cute Japanese girls in plausible situations (For instance, flipping over a jungle gym bar in a sexy little cheerleading outfit, or eyeing you seductively in a dark lounge while concealing summer panties and garter belt that she secretly wants you to see), whose skirts can be “blown” up high to reveal their underthings with just a tap/rub up the screen or blow on the iPhone mic. The harder you rub and blow, the higher her skirt flies, and the more delighted (via squeals) she seems.

But not everyone can get Puff! on the iPhone. In fact, the iTunes App store says you must be at least 17 years old to download:


But we think it could be a little simpler than that. To download this app, you kinda just have to fuckin’ BLOW. Like, really, really hard.

[HuffPo: Puff iPhone App Simulates Looking Up Girls' Skits (VIDEO)]
[BuzzFeed: Puff! An iPhone App For Perverts]

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Why Did I Just Spend Two Hours Examining Nude Photos of Vanessa Hudgens?

August 6th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Back in late 2007, there was a lot of speculation about when the first set of leaked nude photos of tween icon Vanessa Hudgens were actually shot. Frankly, I believed her story: they were 3-year old snaps from roughly 2003, taken and once sent to her high school boyfriend (shockingly, if you did the math, this made her out to be about 14 or 15 in the shots). The ex was a bit of a bastard, and eventually got his jollies by disseminating the sexy pictures across the interwebz. Because she was so young, I felt reallyreallyreally almost-pedophil-icky just glancing at the images (the link above is to censored versions)–after all, Hudgens was essentially a child in them. A nude child, a famous nude child lacking judgment, and indeed a ripening sexual being, but a child nonetheless.

So I basically gave her a pass. No, it wasn’t a good idea to take those pictures of herself, but for chrissake, don’t we all do a bunch of stupid things when we’re kids? How smart can you actually be at 14 when half your brain is jelly and the other hormones? There’s no such thing as foresight at that time. Instead, I felt the blame was on us, grown-up people with nothing better to do than avoid our jobs by scouring gossip blogs and leer over dirty pictures of Disney stars. Pathetic. Icky. Shameful.

But it looks like Ms. Hudgens now faces another photo scandal, this time with nude and semi-nude photos recently hacked from her Blackberry. Lots of ‘em.

Tsk, Tsk

Does she get another pass? Perhaps not this time.

People in Hudgens’s camp apparently claim that these photos are as old or even older than the originals, but I’m not so sure. As you can probably see, her body shape has toned and matured significantly. The cheeks once adorably swollen with baby fat–quite evident in the original photos, seem oh-so-sinewy and adult in the latest. The glossy blowouts of her glamorous locks are consistent with her look of the last couple of years. And the black RAZR phone that she captures in this number:

Like, forever ago

…wasn’t released to special folks, like Hollywood stars, until mid-to-late 2005, and really saw its heyday from 2006 to 2007.

Then there’s that belly-button ring, which she apparently got in 2007, prominent in so many of the pictures. Hunh.

I’m not saying that these photos are from last week. But I am saying that I’m not buying this jazz about how Hudgens made one mistake six years ago, and it was one she never repeated.

Why does this bother me so much? Maybe because I’m convinced these pictures really have been living on Hudgen’s SIM card for a while. And for the life of me, I cannot understand why.

I absolutely, positively need to know why the MySpace generation, even its celebrity icons, are so desperate to document their goody-goods in easily sharable formats.

It’s not like these people don’t understand that we live in the shadow of Big Brother. He will find you, with his lipstick security camera or Flip cam or cameraphone, pissing yourself at a party or screwing somebody else’s boyfriend, whether you’re famous or not. Yes, once upon a time, a picture was just a picture–and if you destroyed the print, the film, and any potential Xeroxes you were in pretty good shape. Today, if you so much as think about attending a party, there’s already a photo of you there tagged on Facebook; its file remnants, regardless of what you do, forever living somewhere entangled within their intellectual property policy.

We as a people are becoming too well-documented. Pictures are too easy to take. I have about 60 photos in an album from my entire childhood; I’ve got 40 new pictures on my Blackberry of myself next to a super weird dog I met at a coffee shop last week. Put to record far more often, young celebrities are immortalized in thousands of photographs every day–they even enjoy the benefits of Photoshop–why in fuck’s sake would they need more? And why do they always take pics that are reminiscent of amateur video porn?

It disappoints me. And it frightens the hell out of me (Note to my womb: no future baby ever to be built in there will be given a cameraphone for Christmas). It’s yet another reminder that the up-and-coming stars of today aren’t like those in Hollywood’s golden years–those people with so much talent and presence and spark and “a certain something” that they simply needed to be harnessed and put on film–they’re just a bunch of kids that need attention, just like everybody else.

In the end, I still feel pretty icky about looking at the racy Hudgens photos. But perhaps now for a different reason.

[via Popcrunch]
[E! Online: Hudgens - The Real Story on Latest Nude Pics]
[OK!: Source Confirms Vanessa Hudgens Nude Pics are Real, and Real Old]

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Body Modificasian is Cool and All, But This Makes Us Want to Die a Little

July 9th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I remember when bunches of my friends started going to raves. They’d get tricked out in giant JNCO jeans and fluorescent, furry vests, with pacifiers lassoed around their torsos and candy necklaces tightly wound against their struggling tracheae. Suddenly, everyone was getting pierced to shit. Giant bones through the septum. Silver balls poking out of the cheeks. Clear tongue rings. Pierced beauty marks. Giant, jillion-gauge, coke-can-sized rings inflating the soft flesh of the ears.

Everybody that delves in body mod is making a statement, whether that statement is “I actually want to look like a lizard” or “I dig tribal shit/love dancing to Kylie Minogue” or “It’s time for me to come out of my shell” or “I give great head” or “My parents didn’t love me enough.” And that kind of vociferation I totally respect.

But this not-even-really-new trend that’s apparently picking up steam in Japan (according to Bizarre Mag), which involves sculpting saline injections in the body for one-night’s worth of looking super kri-zazy…



…seems to make only one statement. “Meds. I need some meds.”

[Bizarre Magazine: Body Inflation]
[via Tumblr]

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Thanks, jRu!

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Pretty Spitty

June 23rd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Some dude on “China’s eBay,” Taobao.com, was apparently banned from selling his product: a tonic composed of saliva taken from pretty girls, after complaints from Taobao users caught the attention of the site’s higher-ups.


Listen, we don’t have any issues with pretty girls (um, my caveat list for the preceding statement is too long to include here), but c’mon, creepos, spit is fucking disgweesting. We don’t want a drop of it landing on our nose when somebody’s talking to us, a big wad of it on the ground when we walk through the park, or a gloopy mess of it in our entree because our dinner mate insulted our waitress. Fuck spit. Fuck it.

But that isn’t what bothers us so much. The thought of somebody ordering a bottle of that bodily ick, paying the shipping and handling, sending over the PayPal amount, anxiously waiting days by the mailbox for the package to arrive, and then opening that package OF SPIT… that makes us sad.

Like, really, really, really, really sad.

Thank bejeezus nobody bought one.

[via Lemondrop]

Thanks, Cecil!

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Daisy Sure Loves Crazy

May 26th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Worst possible thing to hear after a kiss:

You’ve got mascara on your lips…
[because I use mascara to groom my chin pubes].” – Fox

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Waning Awaysian

February 16th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

If my Hardass Asian Grandma were still alive, she’d be like:



“Lindsay Lohan, you are looking fat and tired. Need to exercise and use more face cream.”

HA! Just kidding.

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Ungodly Face Alterasian

November 12th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Body Dysmorphic Syndrome and Plastic Surgery Addiction are no fucking joke.

And I’m not just saying that to YOU, Hollywood:

EEK!

It’s no wonder ordinary civilians are also falling prey to this insanity. I hate to see anybody go down like that–with those insanely puffed lips, painfully swollen cheeks, slanty-taut eyes (not that there’s anything wrong with slanty eyes, which I personally love), scary eyebrows, emotionless foreheads. What a freakishly sad way to conduct one’s life, old or young. Bummer.

And let’s just multiply that bummer by about a million when we think about a beautiful young girl, who, at 28, started in on the alterasians:

…and over two decades, became so desperate to keep mangling herself that she eventually began injecting herself with doctor-provided silicone.

And when she ran out of silicone, she just started using cooking oil.

And now, she looks like this:

ACK.

Which is sad and… scary.

World, we have a problem.

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Halloween Shame Hall-of-Fame

November 3rd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


Dear Bobby Trendy,

The wait service in Los Angeles is notoriously bad–this, however, takes “bad” to a whole new level.

A pair of shorts, darlin’? Is that too much to ASSk?

Eyes-a-burnin’,
DISGRASIAN

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MTV A-Cha

July 11th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


MTV has announced that the The Pussycat Dolls will be the opening act of the upcoming MTV Asia awards.

Says the press release:

Asian audiences will experience for themselves a spectacular concert performance in typical Pussycat Dolls fashion, complete with visually extraordinary elements like fireworks displays, flashy costumes and amazing dance moves by the girls.

The performance will be The Dolls’ first in Asia. Are our overseas brethren really ready to be flashed?

All I can say is: if ever there was a time to develop a continent-sized condom, NOW IS THAT TIME.

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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