You are currently browsing posts tagged with Ichiro Suzuki

Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian

July 13th, 2010 | 8 comments | Posted by jasmine

Vaseline has created a face-whitening application for Facebook users in India to promote its Healthy White Skin Lightening Cream, because, um, yeah, that sounds really, really healthy. [Feministing]

Like AT&T in the 80′s, Ichiro Suzuki reaches out and touches someone. [MLB]

You break it, you DON’T buy it: Finally, a place for women having their lady time, in Shenyang, China. [People's Daily Online]

Tila Tequila is no longer part of Celebrity Rehab. Is it because she’s no longer a celebrity, or because she can’t be rehabilitated, or because no one gives a shit? Hmm. [RadarOnline]

Hayao Miyazaki likens iPad use to masturbation. Like that’s a problem?! [Gizmodo]

A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas already sounds like the greatest motherfuckin’ Christmas movie of all time. []

We can see why Prince said that the internet is over. Presenting…Kate Gosselin in a coolie hat. [Just Jared]


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October 22nd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Happy birthday to Ichiro, who turns 36 today!

2009 was a huge year for the mononymous outfielder: he set a major league-record of nine straight seasons with 200 or more hits, finished the season with a league-leading 225 hits, hit his first career walk-off home run (against the Yankees’ Mariano Rivera, no less), and even drew his first career ejection for arguing a called third strike.

But hey, we’re talking about a dude who’s single-handedly proven to Americans that Asians can bring it on the baseball diamond, small ball can be just as captivating as long ball, and pokey ears can be weirdly hot, so Ichiro defying expectations is nothing new.

Speaking of defying expectations, here he is from a few years back telling Bob Costas what his favorite American expression is:

TRANSLASIAN: “August in Kansas City, it’s hotter than two rats in a fucking wool sock.”


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SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: Now for the Hard Part

November 24th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Congratulasians to Don Wakamatsu, who was named manager of the Seattle Mariners last week! The 45 year-old, former bench coach of the Oakland A’s is the first Asian-American to hold that position in MLB historayyy.

And that was the easy part. Because now Wakamatsu has the unenviable task of trying to make his team–who went 61-101 this past season and haven’t been to the playoffs since 2001 despite being ranked #9 in payroll–NOT SUCK, which may be a steeper hill to climb than making history.


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Standing Ovasian

July 12th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Seattle Mariners’ superstud Ichiro Suzuki made history on Tuesday, hitting the first ever inside-the-park home run at an All-Star Game. He was later awarded the All-Star MVP by a very awkward, very dermatologically-pumped up Jeanne Zelasko.

Congratulasians, Ichiro! You rule.


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July 10th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Three ballers from Japan have been selected to this year’s All-Star Game, which airs tonight at 5 PM PDT on Fox: Seattle Mariners outfielder Ichiro Suzuki, LA Dodgers closer Takeshi Saito, and Red Sox reliever Hideki Okajima, who was the last player added to the roster by popular vote.

“Har har! I didn’t know ‘roids made you funny, too!”

“Welcome to the Saito, bitches.”

Hideki and son: so cute I wanna puke

Congratulasians boys! Reprzent!

Source Source Source

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June 4th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Name: Ichiro Suzuki, but we mere mortals can call him Ichiro

Age: 33

Occupation: Outfielder for the Seattle Mariners

Known for: A single appellation, the longest hitting streak (25 games) this season, most hits (262) in a season, maintaining the highest batting average ever (.350) by an AL rookie, spectacular leaps in the outfield robbing batters of hits, never taking ‘roids, and never, ever disgracing the game of baseball.


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Boston Has Yellow Fever

April 12th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Yesterday, at the crazy-hyped game between the Boston Red Sox (aka Daisuke Matsuzaka) and the Seattle Mariners (aka Ichiro), Felix Hernandez, 21, pitcher for Seattle, stole the show. The Venezuelan Hernandez, who some people are already talking Cy Young about, allowed only one hit and zero runs, beating Boston, 3-0.

Sir Dice-A-Lot did get Ichiro out each of the four times he faced the mono-appellationed star. The much-anticipated meeting between the two brought every Asian person in New England out to Sir Dice-A-Lot’s Fenway debut:

And, of course, the more traditional Boston fan showed to the home opener:

“Yokoso” means “welcome” in Japanese. But I’m pretty sure the Sox fan in the glasses knows that.


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Play Ball!

April 2nd, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Opening Day for Major League Baseball has arrived! Ah, fresh-cut grass. Ah, crackerjack. Ah, Johnny Damon’s ass. To celebrate the kickoff of the longest season in professional sports, I’ve drawn up a Scouting Report of players to watch in ’07.

1. Chien-Ming Wang, aka the Wonger

Born: March 31, 1980
Tainan, Taiwan
Height: 6-3
Weight: 225 lbs.
Pronounced: wong
(courtesy of

Even though the Wonger is a Yankee, I have to admit, I kinda like this guy. Mostly because he is singlehandedly getting the world to say my name right.

2. Daisuke Matsuzaka, aka Sir Dice-A-Lot

I like big butts and I can not lie/You other brothers can’t deny/That when a dude walks in with a fastball pace/And a round thing in your face/You get SPRUNG…

Is Sir Dice-A-Lot and his big booty worth $103 mil? Chowderheads across New England are placing all their broken-capillaried, lobster-eating money on this not-so-poor guy. Here’s hoping that the weight of Red Sox Nation’s expectations plus the Asian “Knives In” Self-Flagellation thang don’t make the Dice Man’s stuff…dicey.

3. Ichiro, aka Ichiro

Like Madonna, Ichiro only goes by one name, and he’s totally earned it. He has a .331 career BA and 6 Gold Gloves, one for each year he’s been in the majors. He even makes Dumbo-ears look cool. All the dipshits who harp on Ichiro hitting too many singles need to get on their knees and thank Jesus that this guy isn’t pumping himself stupid with Human Growth Hormone and ‘roids.

4. Takashi Saito, aka Game Over 2.0

I miss Eric “Game Over” Gagne. After all the injuries and surgeries, Gagne, only the ninth reliever in MLB history to win the Cy Young, is trying to stage a comeback with the Texas Rangers, which I can only liken to pitching in a ring of Dante’s Inferno. Good luck, Gagne. Saito, the current Dodgers closer, is 37 years old, and a former star in Japan. An old mule who’s still got legs, 2.0 clocked 24 saves for L.A. last year. Welcome to the Jungle, Saito!

5. Dave Roberts, aka Speedy Yoshida

Were it not for Roberts, a half-Japanese, all-moxie, base-stealing ninja, the Red Sox would have never come back against the Yanks in the 2004 ALCS and then won the World Series. Last year, Speedy stole a career-high 49 (what?!?) bases for San Diego, and is now batting lead-off for SF. I don’t even care that Roberts is going to pad Balco Barry’s stats by being his bitchin’est lead-off man ever.

(Barry BEFORE and AFTER, courtesy of

Well, okay, maybe I care a little. Cheaters SUCK.

But, whatever…Represent, AMAZIANS! Kick Ass and Take Names!

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