You are currently browsing posts tagged with I Am Extremely Terrified of Chinese People

DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The Karate Kid And Red Dawn: Two Movie Remake-Wrongs Don’t Make A Right

June 4th, 2010 | 12 comments | Posted by Jen

NEWSFLASH: China is America’s enemy.

Okay, so this is not news exactly. But it’s a meme that’s getting some pop cultural attention this year with the release of two 80′s movie remakes that promote the idea–two of my favorite movies growing up, as it so happens–The Karate Kid, which opens in a week, and Red Dawn, which will debut in November.

The new Karate Kid is set in Beijing, where those oversized, sandy-haired thugs, aka Cobra Kai, have been updated into a gang of oversized, slanty-eyed thugs.

Say what you will about bad guys, but they always know how to rock a uniform, even when it’s dorky as hell

There are good Chinese people to balance out this “I am extremely terrified of Chinese Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The Karate Kid And Red Dawn: Two Movie Remake-Wrongs Don’t Make A Right

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The Chinese Are Coming! The Chinese Are Coming! (Only It’s Not How You Think)

October 28th, 2009 | 7 comments | Posted by Jen

Holy shit, the Chinese are coming. But it’s not how you think. They’re not coming to take over a depressed, podunk American town and fight an insurgency of armed high school jocks. They’re not coming to buy up all of our real estate, convert the dollar to renminbi, or force us all to speak Mandarin (I mean, hello? This is America, where most people only speak American, so good luck with that). They are coming to America in record numbers as tourists, but that’s only a temporary phenomenon and, quite frankly, we could use the dough.

Eric Schmidt Google CEO

According to Google CEO, Eric Schmidt, the Chinese are coming…to take over the Internet. In a talk given at last week’s Gartner Symposium, Schmidt predicted that the internet in 5 years would be dominated by Chinese-language content.

For those who are “extremely terrified of Chinese people” and can only speak American, take heart. The scarier news that Schmidt delivered?

Today’s teenagers are the model for how the web will work in five years. You know, the same teenagers who we always hear are getting dumber. Schmidt’s exact words:

Talk to a teenager about the way they consume information, and remember that five or ten years from now, that’s your employee. It’s a little frightening, by the way.

A little frightening?!

Building my bunker now…

[ReadWriteWeb: Google's Eric Schmidt on What the Web Will Look Like in 5 Years]

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Looks Like A Xenophobic Hot Mess: Scenes From The Red Dawn Remake

October 2nd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

I found these photos from the Pontiac, MI set of the new Red Dawn movie over at reddawn2010.com, a site entirely devoted to the remake:


Be Disturbed At Not Understanding“? Oh, believe me, I am.

Remember when I wondered if there was any way to remake Red Dawn with Chinese invaders without the movie being totally racist? The following set-photos–which have the feel of a wild, whiskey-soaked, Joe McCarthy wet dream–would suggest the answer is “no.”





Although I did find this amusing:


Yes, those “Obscene…Weapon(s) of Mass Distraction” appear to be donuts.

EVIL CHINAMAN ALSO FUNNY HA HA!!!

[reddawn2010.com]

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The Red Dawn Remake: Good News! (Not Really)

August 13th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

More Red Dawn remake news:

We’ve learned via Angry Asian Man that 1) the updated story, where a small midwestern American town is invaded (this time) by the Chinese, is xenophobic, as feared, but 2) all of this is made up for by the presence in the script of a certain Erica Yu, “17 year-old knockout Asian-American captain of the cheerleading squad,” who becomes a member of the Wolverines resistance.

Or is it?

Because as of this week, that character–who was “Erica Mason” in the original and played by Lea Thompson–has already been cast, according to Entertainment Weekly, and the Australian actress playing her, Isabel Lucas, is decidedly not Asian.


Then again, EW‘s description of what happens to Erica in the movie–“(a)fter the invasion she is incarcerated in an internment camp” (did someone say internment?!)–well, that makes her sound Asian at least.

Maybe they can slap some yellow face paint and chinky eye-makeup on the girl to complete the picture.

Sigh.

Meanwhile, check out actor Roger Fan’s post about his refusal to play all of the Chinese villain parts at the studio table-read of the remake script over at the delightfully-named, You Offend Me You Offend My Family.

[AAM: Chinese Invaders! First Look at the Red Dawn Remake Script]
[Latino Review: Exclusive: First Look At the Red Dawn Reboot!]

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China Gets a Hummer (UPDATE)

June 26th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

A Chinese company has reached a tentative agreement to buy GM’s bankrupt-in-every-sense-of-the-word Hummer division.


Which means we’re witnessing the dawn of a new age–China becoming a nation of 1.3 billion douchebags!

For those who were extremely terrified of Chinese people before…buckle your seatbelts.

[UPDATE: BusinessWeek reports that China may block the sale because of its "energy-saving goals." Douchebag Crisis averted?]

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Thanks, @MarisaNakasone!
Thanks, Neal!

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Fear of a Yellow Planet

February 12th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

The folks over at Gizmodo recently discovered, with the help of Google Suggest, that there seem to be an unusual amount of folks searching the Web for the subject: “I am extremely terrified of Chinese people.”

Curious, right? Fortunately, our friend Phil over at Angry Asian Man did a bit of debunking homework, digging up the most likely source for the popular search: an article entitled “I Am Extremely Terrified of Chinese People” on the satirical site Christwire.

Still, before I knew about the article, I wondered, are Chinese people actually so scary? Moreover, could I possibly be scared of Chinese people? Well, I told myself, Jen is the Chinese person I know best. But despite her sharp tongue and freaky-brilliant mind, she’s the most fun, kind, genuine, warm, generous, honest, caring person I know. What’s so terrifying about that? I can’t possibly fear Chinese people!

Jen also has–and I’m sure I’ve talked about this before–one of the most exquisite closets I’ve ever walked into, and she is eager to loan me a frock faster than a person can check out a library book (See? Very not-scary). She never asks for anything in return, and I always watch over the dresses as if they were my own child.

But (here is where my mind wanders) y’know what, if something were ever to happen–like an ungodly splash of wine, a drycleaning mishap, or somebody’s cigarette ash on my sleeve…

OH GOD. I. WOULD BE. SO INCREDIBLY TERRIFIED. OF ONE. VERY SPECIFIC. CHINESE PERSON. AND HER. VERY ANGRY. ANGRY. EYES.

So yeah, um, I guess it’s possible.

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Thanks, Abe and Phil!

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