You are currently browsing posts tagged with Humanitarian Missions

Come on, Shake Your Body Baby, Do the Congo

May 12th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


Lord knows I can be hard on Sienna Miller, because I think she’s shameless, utterly useless and… well… rather used-up-looking trash. Also I’ve never seen a remarkable performance submitted by her, and I really don’t know why she’s famous, save for toting the same ratty Balenciaga bag around for years, and laying a fun amalgam of unusual male conquests.

However, as Jen–with barfy reluctance–pointed out to me this week: there may be a more serious side to the wacktress. One of Jen’s friends actually just finished leading Miller on a humanitarian visit through the Congo, which the starlet travel-blogged about on the Huffington Post. Hmm.

Suddenly, I realized that it’s possible that I’m just a judgemental, hateful person. A grouchy sour-graper with a laptop and an attitude, who shouldn’t necessarily get on some high horse to criticize those in the public eye–people like Sienna Miller who simply can’t catch a break from the media when they make mistakes, people like Sienna Miller who don’t have the luxury of being able to start over and try again without the scrutiny ofzZzzZZZzzzzzZzzzzzzzzZzz.

Oh, who am I kidding? I still hate the bitch.

[Sienna Miller travel-blogs through the Congo on HuffPo]

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Dung Deal

March 11th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Army Captain Michael Dung Nguyen has been charged with theft of government property and money laundering, for allegedly stealing nearly $700k of U.S. money, intended for urgent humanitarian aid and reconstruction in Afghanistan and Iraq.

From AP:

U.S. Attorney Karin Immergut said an investigation began after Internal Revenue Service agents spotted a suspicious pattern with the deposits.

She said the charges indicate a “flagrant and reprehensible disregard” for military honor.

Reports say that Nguyen used the money to buy a number of items, including computers, a BMW, and a (puke) Hummer.

Oh, shame of all shames. If the Captain is convicted of these offenses it will prove that the man has a heart of dung. That he used taxpayer money to buy a really dung truck. And his military career is totally dung-zo. Alright, I’ve said my piece and now I’m dung.

Source Source Source
Thanks, Angelo!

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Kung-Fu Pander

May 15th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana
Dustin Hoffman, Angelina Jolie, Lucy Liu, and Jack Black
at the Cannes Film Festival Premiere of ‘Kung Fu Panda’


DUSTIN HOFFMAN: I’m bored.

ANGELINA JOLIE: I’m pregnant.

LUCY LIU: I’m one-note.

JACK BLACK: I’m WACKY!

DUSTIN HOFFMAN: I’m kind of having an existential crisis right now.

ANGELINA JOLIE: Y’know, having children really helps with that.

LUCY LIU: [clears throat] Ahem, excuse me, Angie.

ANGELINA JOLIE: Hmm? What’s up?

LUCY LIU: You and Fat Belly 2 are blocking my birthing hips–I mean my dress.

ANGELINA JOLIE: Excuse me?

LUCY LIU: Nothing. Nothing. Only YOU get to me mom-lady. Fine. FINE. I’ll just stand over here and be nobody. Y’know what, just drop it okay? We’ll talk about it later.

ANGELINA JOLIE: No, drop what? What are you talking about?

JACK BLACK: I’m FUNNY!

DUSTIN HOFFMAN: I’m old.

LUCY LIU: I wanna get out of here.

ANGELINA JOLIE: Umm, hi, irrelevant TV star? What are you trying to say?

LUCY LIU: Nothing. NOTHING! Urg. Fine… This is my problem with you. I thought we were both on the bitch train to fame.

ANGELINA JOLIE: What bitch train? What is that?

LUCY LIU: We were hot sexy bitches. That was going to make us huge. And then you became Mother Teresa, while I became a lesbian vampire. And now I do mostly television.

ANGELINA JOLIE: Is that somehow my fault?

LUCY LIU: I feel like it must be. You bailed! What ever happened to the sex siren? I thought being a sex siren was in!

JACK BLACK: I think sex is in. Way in. And out. And in. And out.

DUSTIN HOFFMAN: I’m rich.

ANGELINA JOLIE: I’m sure it is, but I’ve got, like, fourteen kids now. Being a humanitarian is kinda more where things are going these days.

LUCY LIU: I have a dog.

JACK BLACK: I love dogs.

DUSTIN HOFFMAN: I’m a dog.

ANGELINA JOLIE: See? You have a dog. That’s a start. Next you’ll be recycling. Then, you’ll be visiting villages in Rwanda.

LUCY LIU: Do I have to touch dirty people?

ANGELINA JOLIE: Yes.

LUCY LIU: [sighs]

ANGELINA JOLIE: It’s fun, though. And while you’re at it, you buy some pots, some scarves, some babies. And soon, you’ll be me!

LUCY LIU: You really think so?

JACK BLACK: I don’t think I”ll mind, as long as you have those tatas too.

DUSTIN HOFFMAN: I’m confused.

ANGELINA JOLIE: Me too.

LUCY LIU: Me too.

JACK BLACK: KUNG FU PANDA!!!

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How to Speak Ka-Ching-Chong

March 13th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


Recently, I’ve been reading in the sports pages a lot about American teams and leagues trying to colonize capitalize on the billion-plus Chinese viewers out there.

First, the Yankees sent a “delegation” to China. To be expected. They are, after all, the Evil Empire:
“I think the power of the Yankee brand all over the world is what’s driving this”
Not to be outdone by their nemesis, the Red Sox wanted in on the action:
“…Larry Lucchino, who once called the Yankees the “Evil Empire,” said his franchise would like to help increase baseball’s exposure in China.
Then came that NYT front-page Sports story about recruiting for Chinese kickers which Diana already, uh, discussed:
“Pro Football Grooms 3 Legs, With the Goal of a Billion Eyes”
And today, there’s a NEW STORY about China’s national team training with Major League Baseball:
“China’s participation as host of the 2008 Olympic Games is an enormous opportunity to increase the visibility of baseball in China,” commissioner Bud Selig said.

Well, good golly. I don’t know whether I should applaud all of you for your tacky unbridled opportunism or just barf on my computer.

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When Worlds Collide

March 13th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


Ashley Judd: Oh my gosh, y’all! Aren’t these indigenous people just darlin’? Bless their hearts!

Indian Woman: Why is the crazy lady smiling like that?

Judd: I just love how simple they are, settin’ on the floor like they were drinking in the Lord Jesus at a good, old-fashioned Revival back home. Hi Mama! Hi Wy!

Indian Woman: I am very afraid.

Judd: Y’all know I studied these people in college, right? They call it Applied Anthropology. Did y’all know I’m fluent in French, too? I’m the only person in the world who has served as president of the Kappa Kappa Gamma sorority and read Derrida in his native tongue. GO WILDCATS!

Indian Woman: Someone please take this matchy-matchy nightmare away.

Judd: I hope y’all don’t think I’m being ethnicist, but I’ve just noticed this floor is downright filthy. Any of y’all got a clean towel for me to sit on?

Indian Girl in Background: Mother, I think I know who the crazy lady is!

Judd: The floor is not crawling with microbes. It is not, I repeat, crawling with microbes.

Indian Woman: Good God. She is talking to herself.

Indian Girl In Background: She sings the song, “Mama he’s crazy, crazy over me…”

Judd: You. Little. Whore.

Indian Woman: What did I teach you about rabid dogs? Do not speak to this lunatic. Just smile for the camera so they’ll fork over the antiretrovirals.

Indian Girl in Background: Yes, Mother.

Source: AP

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