DISGRASIAN™

Halloween, Gangnam Style

It occurred to me this morning that every other Asian brotha–and some sistas–on the Halloween-celebrating planet will probably be going as PSY this year. (And, as a Twitter friend pointed out, those who don’t will likely have “Oppa Gangnam Style” shouted at them anyway. Cringe.) Idolator’s posted a handy How-To Guide on how to dress like the Most Famous Asian of 2012, including where to buy that iconic powder-blue tux.

Idolator even details where to buy PSY’s lady posse outfits, though going as somebody’s backup dancer for Halloween when you could be anything else in the world seems particularly weak sauce, on the same spectrum of creativity as all Sexy Whatever costumes.

And if there’s a Gangnam Style sidekick to be, wouldn’t it be way more fun to be the old lady in the visor on the bus?

[Idolator: PSY Halloween Costume: A How-To Guide]

Filed under: Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Halloween Gangnam Style, Holidays, Korean Grandmothers, Oppa Gangnam Style, Psy, Psy Gangnam Style, Sexy Whatever Costumes, Trick Or Treat

Wherein My Halloween Costume Is Revealed + GIVEAWAY

This will inspire eyerolls from those with meme fatigue but, you know, I just had to.

Here’s a full-length shot:

Continue reading Wherein My Halloween Costume Is Revealed + GIVEAWAY

Filed under: Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, Grrrrr, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Hardass Asian Moms, Hardass Asian Mothers, Hardass Asian Parents, Holidays, Memes That Won't Die, Tiger Mom, Tiger Mom Costume, Tiger Mother, Trick Or Treat, Ungrateful Children

A Hardass Asian Mother’s Day Isn’t Quite Like Other Mother’s Days

I got my mom a nice flower arrangement for Mother’s Day this year, but I didn’t get it together until the last minute, so I paid through the nose for it. I didn’t FTD that shit either–not that I’m judging if you did–because, to me, their arrangements all look like hospital flowers. (Also, I am stupid and like doing things the hard way.) So I found a florist in a fancy schmancy part of Houston who 1) actually picked up the phone late Saturday and 2) would deliver to where my parents live in the middle of nowhere. I also specified that peonies be in the arrangement, because roses are so boring. The delivery to BFN was almost half the cost of the arrangement, and they charged me extra for the peonies, because non-boring flowers don’t come cheap, apparently. Like I said, I like doing things the hard way.

But who cares? It was Mother’s Day. And I love my mama, and she loves flowers.

The Mother's Day Bouquet I Sent: Are those ROSES I see in my GD peony arrangement?

And sure enough, when she received them, she immediately sent me an email to let me know how much she liked them. The subject heading was “Flower of Love” (cue the Huey Lewis song if you’re old like me):

She got them on time! And they were beautiful! And I was thrilled that my mother could feel loved and celebrated without a worry in the world on her special day, which is how all mothers should feel on Mother’s Day.

But clearly, I underestimated my Hardass Asian Mom. Here’s what followed in her email:

Continue reading A Hardass Asian Mother’s Day Isn’t Quite Like Other Mother’s Days

Filed under: Asians Love Discounts, Gift Giving, Gift ideas, Hardass Asian Mamas, Hardass Asian Moms, Hardass Asian Mother's Day, Hardass Asian Mothers, Hardass Asian Parents, Holidays, Mother's Day, Mother's Day Gifts, Sending Flowers, Tiger Mother's Day, Tough Love

Thank You For Being Our Friends

There’s the kind of gratitude that takes awhile to set in: “Hardass Asian Family, thank you so much for decades of judging me harshly, undercutting my achievements, and scoffing at my pursuit of the liberal arts so that one day, my friend and I might bond over such upbringings, commiserate loudly, and start a pale yellow website barking about shit.”

But some thankfulness takes no time to realize. And when it comes to you, dear friends and readers, please know that we appreciate you every single day. Thank you for your eyeballs. Thank you also for the endless support, tech help, injections of energy, tips, comments, tweets, retweets, Diggs, shares, stories, tears, empathy, hookups, handouts, action items, fightin’ words, witty epiphanies, challenging questions, care packages, moments of clarity, rad tunes, cute tees, utter brilliance, complete excellence, and total awesomeness.

WE ARE SO GRATEFUL FOR YOU ALL! HAPPY THANKSGIVING, DISGRASIAN NATION.

xoxo
Diana and Jen

Source
And thanks for another great year, Jasmine!

Filed under: Care Packages, Hardass Asian Families, Holidays, Thanksgiving

The First And Last Time I Went As A “Sexy (Something)” For Halloween

I had just moved to a new town and was still in the process of making friends.

My cat, Jimmy, had run away in the move.

I was living in a shitty neighborhood where people were always coming and going so no one bothered to keep their grass green or their house paint from peeling.

I was into this guy, Chris, who was so not into me.

I was feeling vulnerable and alone.

And, yes, I was desperate for attention.

Continue reading The First And Last Time I Went As A “Sexy (Something)” For Halloween

Filed under: Bad ideas, Cosplay, Desperate For Attention, Fetishes, French Maids, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Hardass Asian Parents, Have You Checked the Children?, Holidays, Pedobait, Sexy Halloween Costumes, Sexy Halloween Costumes Are For Stupid Chicks, Trick Or Treat, Tricksters

Advice For Your St. Patrick’s Day Celebrasian

Well, I should preface this post by saying that I don’t really participate in the whole St. Patrick’s Day flurryfaloo.

Yeah, no thanks.

Why? I’m not Irish or Catholic. I’m not in a frat. I am uncomfortable wearing green plastic leprachaun hats. I don’t particularly get anything out of drinking green-tinted alcohol. My Irish accent sounds a lot more like a pirate accent. I don’t appreciate being pinched. I have no interest in regretting tonight’s sloppy sex with a stinky stranger during tomorrow’s spine-shivering hangover. I have an aversion to standing, body-to-body, with smelly people. And I’m no novice partier (Lord knows all of the novices will be out tonight, they’ve been sporting awful green wigs and tube tops at your local pub since 6am this morning… I really loathe those people).

That said, hey! Maybe you’re like, “Top ‘o the mornin, Diana! Don’t bee such a spoilsparrt! It’s thee luck of thee Irish! I want to be havin’ a grand ol’ time at the pub! Arrrr, avast, ahoy!” (Oh shoot, there I go talking like a pirate again.)

Anyway, if you are going out tonight, don’t let me poop on your parrty, fiddle-dee-dee! I just have a few words of advice:

Tip #1: A successful St. Patty’s night can be about EITHER an excess of corned beef and cabbage OR an excess of Irish car bombs. BUT NOT BOTH.

Tip #2: Don’t bother wearing a “Kiss me, I’m Irish” t-shirt if you ain’t Irish. Just write “I’m drunk at a bar on St. Patrick’s Day. I’m drunk. I want to get laid. I’m drunk!” in Sharpie across your stomach. You’ll get the point across without having to lie about your ethnicity.

Continue reading Advice For Your St. Patrick’s Day Celebrasian

Filed under: Advice, Bars, Being Honest, Drunken Messes, Getting Laid, Holidays, National Holidays, Nights When Novices Party, Pinching, Public Drunkenness, St. Patrick's Day, Texts From Last Night, Wearing Green, Weird Irish-ish Behavior

ROCK OF ASIAN: Yuuki Matthews

My friend Colin took a much-needed solo holiday to Mexico this summer, staying in a villa in Todos Santos a whistle away from the beach. He spent the week sharing accomodations with a lovely couple from Seattle on their honeymoon: the husband a musician, the wife “doing something or other to do with fashion” (Colin’s words).

Yuuki Matthews

The musician was actually a man named Yuuki Matthews, who cut his teeth in awesome artsy bands Crystal Skulls and Seldom. He currently plays bass for the Richard Swift band, but also just released his first solo effort, an electro-instrumental chronicle called Music For Savage Tropical Imagery.

Continue reading ROCK OF ASIAN: Yuuki Matthews

Filed under: Crystal Skulls, Debuts, Freshman Records, Friends are Nice, Holidays, Indie Rock, Lovely Circumstances, Mexico, Richard Swift, Seattle, Solo Efforts, Solo Projects, Todos Santos, Vacations, Yuuki Matthews

Here Come the Holidaysians

Call us grinches, but as much as Jen and I love presents the winter holidays, it’s unlikely that anybody’s going to get a personalized Season’s Greetings card from us this year. It’s not because we don’t like everybody, or that we can’t afford card stock, or that we don’t have a design aesthetic in mind. It’s just not likely. Here’s the truthier truth: I’m just not that kind of person–the kind that sends perfectly-penned handwritten thank-you notes after a dinner party, or puts updated photos of my friends’ children on my refrigerator. Frankly, I’m not even feeling all too festive this year. And maybe Jen is (she does write a lovely thank-you note), but, well, she’s a bit hampered by her partner in this situasian.

All points aside, I’d hate for you to spend the holiday season without proper joyous treats. So in the meantime, please enjoy Big Bang’s holiday Baskin Robbins spot (made in their homeland), to keep you in the jingly spirit:

Filed under: Baskin Robbins, Big Bang, Boy Bands, Grinches, Holidays, Ice Cream, Season's Greetings, Thank-You Notes, Weird Korean Behavior

Post-Trypt

It’s taken awhile for us to get moving again after four days of turkey-stuffing-mashed potatoes-stuffing-nap-US Weekly Magazine-stuffing-red wine-turkey-pizza-Rock Band-stuffing-gravy-dog park-cookies-pie-ice cream-Contemporary Adult Fiction-mashed potatoes-white wine-aunts’n'uncles-brunch-scotch-Star Magazine-Facebook-gravy-tequila-cashmere throw blankets-stuffing-PayPerView movies-gratitude-turkey.

Fortunately, our pen pal Margie kicked off the morning with a photo of exactly how Jen and I are looking at DISGRASIAN HQ today:

I mean, we could look worse.

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Thanks, Margie!

Filed under: Adorable-ness, Animals are a Reliable Source of Joy and Awe, Awwwwwww, Contemporary Adult Fiction, Holidays, Pandas, Recovering, Sleepy People, Slow TImes, Tryptophan, ZZzzzZzZzZZzzzz

Thanksgiving Daysian

It’s Turkey Day, my very favorite holiday–what other national occasion practically requires us to over-grub on carbs, watch football all day long, and fall asleep early?

Aside from all of the grubbing, here are the top 10 things I happen to be most thankful for on November 28, 2008:

10. Donald Draper

9. The fact that my three older sisters are all celebrating Thanksgiving together–but elsewhere in the country–so that my dignity and pride can remain intact through just one holiday celebrasian.

8. Shiatsu massage (Thank you, Aiko!)

7. Washington, Oregon, California, Nevada, Colorado, New Mexico, Minnesota, Iowa, Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Virgina, North Carolina, New York, Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Connecticut, New Jersey, Deleware, Maryland, District of Columbia, and Florida (Yes, Florida).

6. My new black MacBook, which was not stolen within two weeks of purchase like my last black MacBook.

5. My parents, who I live only to bring honor to (Hi Mom! Hi Dad!)

4. Jen’s parents, who I live only to bring honor to, too.

3. Toro sushi and baked crab rolls in soy paper. Also, the NFL.

2. The new Britney Spears song, “If You Seek Amy” (Say it aloud!)

1. JEN–who, aside from being my funniest, purtiest, saltiest, and most fabulous friend, is also my very favorite writer.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! We want y’all to give your Interwebs-tired eyes a rest, so pleeeease step away from the computer and go enjoy your friends and family!

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Filed under: Blue States, Britney Spears, Donald Draper is A God, Family, Good Eats, Hardass Asian Parents, Holidays, NFL, Step Away From The Computer, Thanksgiving

4th of July Celebrasian!

Happy 4th of July, everybody! We’re taking the day off to go to a Korean BBQ. Go have fun.

Source

Filed under: 4th of July Celebrasian, America, Days Off, Holidays, Independence Daysian, Korean BBQ, Yummy Things

Happy Holidaysian!!!

I’m here to ruin Christmas!

Hi Everyone!!!

Maybe you’re celebrating a very merry holiday this week–with visions of sugarplums dancing in your head, sounds of parental criticism ringing in your ears, and smells of memorable Christmas combos (like fried turducken and grandma’s spring rolls) tickling your tongue. Whatever the case, we hope you have a nice couple of days with family or friends… we’ll be hunkered away with our parents [Jen and Diana bang their heads on the table], so we’re taking a few days off. Talk to you on the 27th!!!

Miss us,
Diana and Jen

Filed under: Family Hugs, Hardass Asian Parents, Holidays, Making Friends is Easy, Merry Merry Merry, See You soon, Taking a Hating Break