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Take cover, Hong Kong. Typhoon Palin’s about to hit your shores.
CNN reports that Sarah Palin will be the keynote speaker at Hong Kong-brokerage firm CLSA’s Investors conference on September 23 (past speakers have included Al Gore, Bill Clinton, and Alan Greenspan). It will be the first trip to Asia for the 45 year-old, ex-Alaskan governor, who famously bragged during the presidential campaign that Alaska’s proximity to Russia gave her foreign policy street cred.
The Atlantic Monthly wondered what Palin will have to say in Hong Kong, and beyond “bless your hearts,” “maverick,” “hockey mom,” “um, um, well, um,” and “real women obliterate wolves from planes,” we were wondering the same thing ourselves.
New America Media reports that Korean-American voters are not feeling Sarah Palin. One reason for this? They’re not impressed by her performance in her most touted role to date–being a Mom.
“Of course (Bristol Palin’s pregnancy) is a family matter. However, I can’t brush off the thought of how a person who couldn’t even bring (her) own family into order could bring order in the country,” said Bongsoo Kim, a 68-year-old grandfather who lives in the Koreatown area.
And since Asians are taught to respect their elders and accept that they know better and are always right, I simply have to defer to Mr. Kim on this point. Anything short of that would be rude and bring shame to my own family!
Pardon us for being sexist, but can we talk about your hair for a sec? We realize you don’t believe in aborting bumps and, as your people have already acknowledged, bumps happen, but WTB (WhatTheBump)? Are you hiding something in that lofty hair-nest of yours? Hockey mom-lipstick? Trig’s burp cloth? Pencils?
Is this a small-town Wasilla thing? Something those of us in the Lower 48 wouldn’t understand? Come to think of it, your hair bump bears more than a passing resemblance to a Baked Alaska:
Are you subfollically-messaging us that you are, like Baked Alaska, light and sweet on the outside, cool and composed on the inside?
Or perhaps your hair bump is a nod to the good ol’ days, to a more wholesome America, to the bygone era of Gidget and Doris Day movies?
You know, before Gidget became a pesky union “organizer” (we know you hate that word) and the world discovered that Doris had been making pillow talk with a gay?
Whatever your reasons are for having it, the hair bump is mighty clever. We just happen to think it looks ridiculous and retro. And you’re not ridiculous or retro, are you? You’re Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska! Too down-to-earth to have a private jet or chef. A former beauty queen who’s only the second woman ever to run on a major-party presidential ticket. A modern gal who’s not only shown that you’re of the People (magazine), but you’re out to “serve the people.”
So, how about starting that by getting in step with the times and aborting the bump?
God Tress America,
Filed under: Abort the Bump, Baked Alaska, Beehives, Bouffants, Doris Day, Gidget, Hair Bumps, Hockey Moms, Republican National Convention, Republicans, Retro, RNC, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin Speech, Tresses