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Hines Ward Wins Dancing With The Stars (Called It!)

May 25th, 2011 | 2 comments | Posted by Diana

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW YEEEEEAAAHHH!!!!!!!



The man loves a trophy, dude. My man Hines Ward and the ridiculous hard body that is Kym Johnson have officially taken the top prize of the 12th season of Dancing With the Stars!

Yes, I watched. And yes, I voted–each week. The maximum five votes every time. AND IT ALL PAID OFF!

…now who owes me $50?

[via CBS News]
[ABC: Dancing With The Stars - Official Site]

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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12 Reasons To Watch Season 12 Of Dancing With The Stars

March 22nd, 2011 | 3 comments | Posted by Diana

Sure, Dancing With The Stars has lost a few viewers in its old age. Apparently, last night’s Season 12 premiere pulled a smaller audience than expected (by that, I mean 22.3 million viewers), 20% down from the last season.

But it actually gained one viewer: ME (Yes, I’ve tried once before, but couldn’t stick to my guns). Now, for the first time, I watched the first performances live on TV (which I couldn’t even do for the Kate Gosselin and Bristol Palin trainwrecks)–and I think I’m in for the whole season. Why? Because there are SO MANY REASONS to watch this season. Twelve, in fact, right off the top of my head:

Reason #1: Turns out that my football boyfriend and Steelers #86 Hines Ward is light as a feather on his feet, as evidenced by his much-lauded performance with Kym Johnson. I knew it, I knew it, I knew that man could dance! And dear me, is he better to look at without all that football gear. Ward is as smooth a mover as he is fast a runner. He’s as smiley on the dance floor as he is on astroturf. And I know I’m not the first person to make the “Mmn!” sound while looking at his perfect Hines-dquarters, underdig?

Continue reading 12 Reasons To Watch Season 12 Of Dancing With The Stars

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Hines Ward

September 20th, 2010 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

Name: Hines Ward

Occupation: Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver and newly-appointed member of the President’s Advisory Commission on Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders

Known for: Four Pro Bowl selections; a pair of Super Bowl hardware; being voted Super Bowl XL MVP; Steelers career records for receptions, receiving yards, and receiving TDs; donating $1 million to create the Helping Hands Foundation, which works to improve literacy among children in the U.S. and, in Korea, fights discrimination against biracial youth like Hines, who’s Korean and African-American; being Amazian of the Week twice; making Diana smile every Sunday; reprezenting in the Obama administration.

Also named to the President’s Advisory Commission on Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders? The unstoppable Ramey Ko–fellow Texasian, municipal judge, founder of Asian Americans for Obama, and hero of that unfortunate Betty Brown name-changing kerfuffle. Congratulasians, Ramey!

For a complete list of the President’s Advisory Commission on Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders appointees, click here.

[USA Today: Barack Obama appoints Steelers' Hines Ward to presidential council]

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SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: Weak 3 Of The NFL Regular Season

September 29th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

NFL’s Week 3… oh, what a week. Did y’all see what we did?

Amazian blasian Hines Ward hit a major milestone Sunday afternoon during my Steelers’ away effort against the Cincinnati Bengals–he became the first black-and-gold-bleeder to surpass 10,000 receiving yards (further solidifying a future bid for the Hall Of Fame). Huzzah!

Sadly, the achievement was mired by Pittsburgh’s second 3-point loss in two weeks. To the BENGALS. Oy oy oy. Heal that knee, Polamalu, Heal! Our D needs you, baby!

But hey, it wasn’t all bad. Before MNF’s kickoff last night, Jen wondered aloud who the biggest QB tool of the evening would be: her Cowboys’ Tony Romo or the Panthers’ Jake Delhomme. Turns out, Delhomme served up more turnovers than a European bakery–perhaps suggesting what job he might actually do well at when he gets booted from Carolina–and America’s team added one in the win column. Phew.

Frankly, the Cowboys needed a home win like that, especially one on Monday’s snazzy nationwide stage. It was heartbreaking to watch them christen the new $1.5 billion dollar stadium in last week’s shameful loss to the Giants, particularly because Romo’s dorky disappointment was super-sized and crystal clear on that beautiful new Jumbotron.

But back to Sunday. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that perennial grouch/sweatponcho pioneer Bill Belichick might be considering a career change: WILL HE OR WON’T HE–join the Misfits, that is?

Just assessing the evidence being placed before our eyes. Mark my words, guys. Belichick is a punk.

And speaking of punks, can somebody please drive up to Buffalo to knock some sense into Terrell Owens? How can an avid Twitterer and star of a trashy VH1 reality show have the gall to lash out at “the media?” Is he not constantly serving himself up on a roasting dish for public consumption? Does he not understand what medium affords him the luxury of being known worldwide as “T.O.?” Aw hell no.

If only Owens could simply suit up, catch the ball (unless he’s playing the Saints), and shut the fuck up, for just one season. I just want to shake the dude and scream: “Play, Terrell! Play well! Play with the team! That’s all you need to do, for crying out loud! And while you’re at it, stop blaming everyone else and find yourself a rad therapist to quiet those angry voices in your head!”

Sigh.

On the other hand, one man proved himself for the billionth time, with one last-second torpedo into the end zone, that he is worth the hype:

Brett “Don’t tell Me I’ve Still Got It Cuz I Already Know It, Biatch!” Favre. I don’t care that he’s a Viking. The dude is magic–yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He is everything that is great about football.

And the neon-green nightmare that is the Seahawks’ alternate uniform… is everything that is not great about football.


From the sportscaster desk, Howie Long called these “flat-out distracting.” I mean, wow–I am painfully embarassed for this team.

I’ve got a theory, though. The Seahawks are from Seattle: a place with clean air and beautiful cedar houses, where chanterelles grow a-plenty, delicious Kumamoto Oysters avail themselves as openly as slutty undergrads at USC, and–while wrapped in cuddly, North Face fleece–every ruddy-cheeked resident is at all times sipping on a perfect cup of coffee or a fine-tasting microbrew. Life is too good in the Pacific Northwest to warrant a winning football team. Awesome NFL teams were created to add awesomeness to an otherwise tough, shitpile existence (like living in Green Bay or Detroit). Seattle’s team doesn’t need to be awesome. And clearly, they don’t need to be suitably or subtly dressed, either.

Last but not least. Couldn’t help but notice that the Peyton Manning/Justin Timberlake Sony Ping Pong Commercial that aired during the Sunday games was not the “Mandarin” version hampered by their shoddy subtitles.

Are they listening to us? Or did they simply realize airing a commercial that’s actually funny yields great rewards?

Doesn’t matter. I just can’t wait for next week.

[Pittsburgh Post-Gazette: Steelers Notebook - Ward's Milestone Dampened By Loss]
[Dallas News: Romo Gives Panthers Nothing In Dallas Cowboys' 21-7 Win]
[ESPN: Owens Critical Of The Media]
[Seattle PI: So What Do You Think Of Seahawks In Green?]

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Hines Ward: You’re Okay, We’re Okay

September 11th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


After watching Hines Ward fumble what should have been a game-winning ball at the end of the fourth quarter against the Tennessee Titans last night, I wasn’t worried. I was shocked–because Ward simply doesn‘t suffer accidents like that, especially five yards from the goal line–but deep down, I knew the Steelers would hold the game into OT and pave the way for Jeff Reed to take it home.

Ward was shocked, too. He took it hard. Real hard. In fact, every time the camera cut to him from the moment of that gaffe until the game reached its final tally at 13-10, the usually-grinning Ward was hurting, hating himself. His eyes said it all–If he hadn’t been on a field with 26,000 tons of burly dudes, he would have been sobbing his ass off.

I wanted to jump through the television, transport myself from my L.A. living room to the chilly bench at Heinz Field, run over to him with a gatorade and a towel, and give him a big ol’ hug. I wanted to tell him: Buddy, it’s okay. It was a mistake, but one our team overcame. It’s hard for you because you don’t often make mistakes. You don’t understand failure, because it is unfamiliar to you. But dude, even almost-perfect people have imperfect moments. Like when my dad is shocked that he’s lost something (because he’s a robot and NEVER LOSES ANYTHING), or pissed when he sneezes, because he can’t believe his body would dare allow sickness–he doesn’t like it, but it happens. Try to let it go, honey pie. For this one colossal fuckup, you have and will make up for it with about nine-hundred bajillion superhuman awesome feats. You’re good. There’s no question about it. Nobody’s mad atcha. Let’s turn that frown upside down!!!

But I couldn’t transport myself to Pennsylvania. I could only watch as Ward sighed a pained air-gulp of relief as Reed’s kick sailed between the posts to end the contest. He tucked his head down and walked out of the stadium, weighed down with shame even though the Steelers walked away from the game 1-0. I realized that there was no consoling him (he’s a superstar blasian for crying out loud. Poor guy probably spent all night alternating acts of flogging himself with intense weight training and repeated recitation of: “You almost ruined it for everyone, you stupid jerk. Everyone, you stupid jerk! Agh! Stupid. Stupid!”). At least not for awhile.

This morning, assuming that there had been a good five minutes for photo-ops, I trolled the web for snaps of a forlorn Ward with tears in his eyes. But neither NFL.com nor ESPN seemed to find it necessary to document a close-up of his shame in their galleries.

Perhaps none of us want to see Ward make mistakes. We’d rather see him smile.

[Washington Post: Steelers Pick Up Right Where They Left Off]

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Talkin’ Trasian

January 28th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I almost met Hines “Sticky Fingers” Ward last month, a would-be-life-changing visit that was thwarted by his impending knee surgery after the Steelers lost the wild card playoff game against Jacksonville. Had I actually come face-to-face with my super-human, smiling hero, the conversasian might have gone something like this:

DIANA: omg.

HINES: Hey there.

DIANA: I love you.

HINES: What’s that?

DIANA: (loudly) I love you.

HINES: Um. [45-second pause while Diana stares] So, it’s Diana, is it? Did you want me to autograph something, or, er, something? I’m really busy, um, I hafta, um, help out some mixed-race Koreans soon, or…

DIANA: I…I…I…

HINES: [shuffles awkwardly in seat] Hrmm. So it’s been good to meet you, Diana. But listen, I know I’m grinning like a hyena right now as if I’m having a good time, and I am I guess, but I kind of always smile like that… and, basically, I have to go.

DIANA: [erupting like a volcano] YOU CATCH EVERY BALL! YOU CATCH IT! [slobbers]

HINES: …

DIANA: Let’s just take a picture.

HINES: Okay. [grins like a hyena]

If by some other circumstance I would have instead gotten a sit-down with our QB, Ben “I only throw interceptions when it matters most” Roethlisberger, I imagine the conversasian would transpire something more like this:

BEN: Wazzzzzuup, girl?

DIANA: Hello, Ben. I’m honored to meet you, I’m such a big Steelers fan. I cried when we won our last Super Bowl.

BEN: Yahhhh!

DIANA: Yeah. So…

BEN: God, I could really use a beer, or somethin’. Or somethin’!

DIANA: Right. Can I ask you a question? Or a couple of questions?

BEN: ‘Sup.

DIANA: Why the hell would the youngest QB ever to lead their team to win a Super Bowl subsequently drive maniacally on a motorcycle with no helmet, when hundreds of thousands of fans depend on him every week for consistency, hope, and inspirasian?

BEN: Augh, dude, totally.

DIANA: Huh?

BEN: That sucked.

DIANA: Throwing interceptions sucks, Ben. Losing to the Jets sucks, Ben. Getting sacked while lumbering around the field trying to find someone to throw to sucks, Ben! Losing as a wild card in the post-season when you have the #1 Defense in the league, sucks, BEN!!!

BEN: Man, I know.

DIANA: [growls, frustrated]

BEN: So… anything else?

DIANA: Yes. One more thing. Why are you currently running off your mouth about wanting A “tall receiver,” laying down tons of backhanded compliments about your teammates that especially make Hines Ward feel like shit? All of this in the midst of you trying to speedily negotiate your new contract?

BEN: Ah dude, I dunno.

DIANA: Hines is a fucking hero. He is your savior. He rises to the task when you need him most– which is often, because when you’re not on the ball you are really fucking OFF the ball, dude.

BEN: Yeah.

DIANA: Be a leader! Love thy brother! Don’t sting your brohams with words. Sting the OTHER TEAMS by WINNING. By throwing complete passes. By making the right plays. By running harder and faster. Focus on yourself, don’t go trying to make Hines feel small. He may be compact but he’s an animal on the field. I wouldn’t want to piss that dude off. He’ll just smile you to death and then jump fifteen feet in the air to catch a ball with his pinky.

BEN: You’re right. Maybe I’m just jealous. I’m so big. I used to think that I looked cuddly but sometimes when I’m watching film I feel like I just look fat and clumsy.

DIANA: It’s okay, Ben. Everybody makes mistakes. And you’re not fat. Let’s just work on how you feel about YOU, and take your focus off of everybody else.

BEN: And how I feel about me is… good?

DIANA: Uh huh.

BEN: I feel…GOOD… about ME!

DIANA: [sighs and takes a seat] Okay, I can see this is going to take awhile. But we’ll get there, one day at a time.

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Hines Ward

December 3rd, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Name: Hines Ward

Occupation: Wide Receiver for the Pittsburgh Steelers

Known for: an ever-present star smile, speaking up for ethnic minorities in South Korea, humbly accepting Super Bowl XL MVP in ’06 , kicking arse every time he rocks the Pro Bowl, do-gooding.

Oh, and if you watched last night’s Steelers victory over the Bengals, you witnessed Ward making his 64th career touchdown reception, beating Hall-of-Famer John Stallworth’s 20 year-old record. I know what you’re saying… “Randy Moss who?”

Congratulasians!

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