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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Konrad Ng

June 14th, 2010 | 1 comment | Posted by Diana




Normally, like most painfully-competitive-to-the-point-of-self-destruction Hardass Asians, we hate it when our friends become successful.

But by golly, we’ve got a soft spot for the fabulous Ng Family (is it because both husband and wife are the hotness?) and a longstanding admirasian for their work in academia, literature and community.

We are happy today to offer congratulasians to Konrad Ng, well-known as an Asian American scholar and professor, who has just been named as Acting Director of the Smithsonian Asian Pacific American Program. It’s an incredible and important honor–and one that we can’t tell our parents about because they’ll wonder why they paid for our education out of pocket just so we could study literature and writing, ultimately not even obtaining any PhDs to afford them the pleasure of telling their friends to refer to us as “Dr. Wang” or “Dr. Nguyen,” and certainly not being tapped by the effing SMITHSONIAN for a highly coveted position benefiting our almond-eyed peeps on a national level. SIGH.

Yeah, Konrad, we’re totally happy for you! Great freaking job!

[Smithsonian APA Program: Dr. Konrad Ng Joins As Acting Director Of APA Program]

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Spousal Relasians

July 25th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

The Washington Post recently did a feature on the National Chauvinistic Husbands Association (see accompanying video above), a self-starter group in Japan focused on coaxing its members into treating their wives better. The Association formed in light of the recent change in Japanese law that allows a wife filing for divorce to claim as much as half her husband’s company pension.

We guess it’s no surprise… sense doesn’t ever seem to guide people to do right, but dolla dolla bills sure as hell do (do you think Hummer lovers would be lining up to buy Priuses if they weren’t currently paying $180 a tank?). As lame as we think it is that any hubbies need to “learn” how to be nice to their wife (i.e. call when they’re gonna be late, talk at night, say “I love you” with some genuine emotion, etc.), we do like one thing about the group’s methodical teachings:

The fight mantra.

I can’t win. I won’t win. I don’t want to win.”

Dude. Now we’re talking.

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SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: Love and Rockets

March 17th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Early Arrivals

True story: my mom pushed up my birth date so that she could attend my dad’s PhD ceremony. She told a little white lie about being in labor to our family doctor, was admitted to the hospital, and I was induced shortly thereafter, weighing in at a healthy 7+ pounds. A week of so later, I was tucked in the crook of her arm, watching my dad glide across a stage in a cap and gown, christened at the start into the religion of higher learning.

I couldn’t help thinking of this story when I heard that Daisuke Matsuzaka and his wife Tomoyo inserted Baby Dice, a boy weighing 6 pounds, 10 ounces, into the starting lineup on Saturday. Congratulasians, Matsuzakas!

The baby’s original due date had been March 19, the day the Red Sox fly to Tokyo for their season opener against the A’s. “(I)f Matsuzaka’s new baby interferes with the team’s trip to Japan,” MLB.com reported, and with Beckett and Schilling injured, the team would have started Jon Lester in the first game. With all due respect to Honorasian Jon Lester…Jon Lester?!? But, fortunately for Red Sox Nasian, Baby Dice came early, Daddy Dice was named the opening day starter this morning, and all of Japan’s chowderheads heaved a huge sigh of relief.

Was it killer timing? Divine intervention from the baseball gods? I think I’m going to have to consult Moms on this one.

“I’m Alive, Uh Uh, So Alive”

Dude. I watched so much b-ball this weekend, I feel like my eyes are still dribbling. Without a doubt, the most exciting game for me was watching the Houston Rockets take down the L.A. Fakers. By beating L.A., with whom they were tied for first place in the Western Conference, the Rockets also extended their winning streak to 22-0, 10-0 sans Yao, who’s out for the season with a foot fracture. This is the second-longest streak in NBA history. You may remember that I predicted the Rockets, who were in 10th place when Yao got injured, would fall apart without him. Color me corrected! Tomorrow night, Houston faces the Boston Celtics and the best record in the NBA. We will rock you, KG!!!

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Nerd Eliminasian

September 26th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I like to believe (because it’s true) that Asians excel at everything.

If you’re going to be a genome researcher, be the very best researcher. If you’re going to be a concert violinist, be the the very best concert violinist. If you’re going to be a blogger, be the very best blogger (hee!)–do you what you do, and do it well.

Oh, and one more thing: if you’re going to be the one repreznt’n Asian smarty-pants-nerd on the 4th season of Beauty and the Geek, be the best damn Geek in the bin, NOT THE FIRST ELIMINATED. And when you are eliminated from the cast of what is really just a CW-low-concept-reality-show, DON’T CRY LIKE A LITTLE BITCH.

I’m talking to you, Tony:

Tony, I want to like you. You’re a nerd (DISGRASIAN actually really loves nerds). You love science (science is hot). You’re not just any medical student, you specialize in Biomedical Engineering with a concentration in Chemical Engineering (which is basically just a tongue-twister to us). You collect historic medical books and play Chinese Chess. That shit is brainy and weird and mildly eccentric, which is awesome. It’s all very, very cool.

So embrace it! Own it! You don’t need a stupid reality show to get laid. You can get laid all on your own. You just need to make a few improvements.

First of all, stand up straight. Secondly, stop tucking in your t-shirt, and never wear exercise pants if you aren’t exercising. While you’re at it, feel free to exercise more. Next, realize that you have a penis and act like it. You’re studying at Johns Hopkins University right now– introduce yourself to my friend Young, who is a medical professor there with a Princeton English Degree and a Medical PhD and is possibly the coolest and sexiest brainiac alive–and get some lady-baiting tips.

Lastly, stop selling yourself and your brothers as dickless dorks that don’t know Vanilla Ice from Eminem or up from down or eunuch from Munich. You’re better than that.

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The Miseducasian of V.S. Naipaul

April 18th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

“Naipaul: I learned `nothing’ at Oxford”


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