DISGRASIAN™

ROCK OF ASIAN: X Japan And The Pursuit Of World Dominasian

Yoshiki at an X Japan performance in 2009

The LA Times just published a lengthy profile about X Japan, a wildly successful J-rock metal band led by charismatic pianist-drummer Yoshiki (pictured above), that will attempt the leap from Japanese superstardom to American mainstream when they join the Lollapalooza tour this summer.

Why I know I already ♥ X Japan:

• The band flanks a HEAVY METAL PIANIST-DRUMMER.
• Hello Kitty produced a likeness of said heavy metal pianist-drummer, the only so far created for a human being. (Ed. note—Hi Sanrio! Jen and I are tooooootally open to having Kitty versions of ourselves!)
• Yoshiki is apparently Bono-esque, and X Japan aspires to be Metallica-esque, yet they’re probably–most accurately–KISS-esque.
• The early X Japan aesthetic appears to be a hybrid of early Mötley Crüe and Poison, but with almond eyes, so they look like the rockstars I wanted to be when I was a kid.
• Every time I hear the words, “Arena Rock,” my personal areas get warm.
• LAT refers to Yoshiki as a “fevered multitasker and established brand unto himself in Asia,” which means he is a) totally Asian and b) pretty AMAZIAN!
• We need somebody to freak out over other than Rain.

Read the whole X Japan LAT feature here. Check out the Lollapalooza lineup here.

[LAT: America, Meet Yoshiki]

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Thanks, Tina!

Filed under: Big in Japan, Crossover, Hello Kitty, I So Fucking Love Hair Metal, Lollapalooza, Makeup Men, Metal, Metallica, Pianist-Drummers Or Drummer-Pianists, Piano Players, Sanrio, Superstars, X Japan, Yoshiki

Hello Kitty? More Like Hello Cougar

According to the NY Times, Hello Kitty is, at age 36, over-the-hill.

Hello Kitty Tombstone: Is an over-35 Hello Kitty as good as dead?

Back in 2002, when Kitty was pushing 30, she lost her spot as Japan’s top-grossing character and, in the words of the Times story, “has never recovered.” Apparently the world of cartoon characters is as ageist as Hollywood, governed by an “out with the old, in with the new” mentality:

Sanrio has tried to keep Hello Kitty up to the times: sensing a move away from Japan’s love affair with the cute, or “kawaii” aesthetic, it has pushed an edgier look for the cat in the last three years, using as much black as pink.

Still, a sense of crisis is evident at the Tokyo offices of Sanrio, where 30 designers, led by Ms. Yamaguchi, are charged with developing new characters. At periodic product meetings, each designer presents as many as 20 characters for consideration by Ms. Yamaguchi.

So what’s a girl over 35 like Hello Kitty to do?

Continue reading Hello Kitty? More Like Hello Cougar

Filed under: Ageism, Ageist, Being Put Out to Pasture, Cougars, Cultural Relevance, Goodbye Kitty, Hello Kitty, Hello Kitty Old, Invisible Women, Kawaii, Older Women, Over the Hill, Sanrio, This Sucks, Women Over 35

I Have A Dream For Tila Tequila

…that one day, diarrhea of the mouth will cease to ail her, her internal fictions will subside…






…and that she will be immortalized in the flesh:

Tila has never looked cuter!

Filed under: Crazians, Diarrhea Of the Mouth, Hannibal Lecter, Hannibal Lecter Hello Kitty Tattoo, Hello Kitty, Liars, Muzzles, Tattoos, Tila Tequila, What the fucking fuck us that tattoo?

AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Hello Kitty Turns 35

The very first Hello Kitty merch, Coin Purse, 1974

Name: Hello Kitty (née Kitty White)

Born: November 1, 1974

Occupation: Icon

Known for: Presiding over a $5 billion dollar empire, pioneering kawaii style, having no mouth, that fucking red bow, serving as Japan’s tourism ambassador, being everyone’s favorite pussy–from children to club kids to celebrities to haters–and decorating everything from guns to bongs to maxi pads to vibrators.

What explains Hello Kitty’s enduring popularity?

Continue reading AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Hello Kitty Turns 35

Filed under: Birthdays, Brands, Death to Hello Kitty, Goodbye Kitty, Hello Kitty, Hello Kitty Turns 35, Icons, Japanese Pop Culture, Kawaii, Kitty White, Lady Gaga, Sanrio

Taking The "Man" Out Of "Man-Briefs"

Y’all, listen. I have a very serious question to ask you.

Would you fuck a man who was wearing these drawers?

Just checkin’.

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Filed under: Crotch, Fetishes, Hello Kitty, Hello Kitty For Men, Pussy

Anna Paquin, You Are a Better Woman Than I

First, Just Jared posts pictures of you on a bright summer jaunt, wheeling around like a cute little farm girl on this bitchin’ Hello Kitty beach cruiser…

Hello Anna

…and then it occurs to me that you’re actually hanging out on bikes with your fiancé Stephen Moyer’s hot ex, Lorien Haynes, accompanied by their daughter. You seem as comfortable with this woman’s past and mile-long legs as you are with Bryan Singer or that quirky little gap between your front teeth! It’s freakin’ amazing!

Lady, this is a display of maturity, coolness and personal security that I could never in my wildest dreams duplicate, ashamed as I am to admit it. Hell fucking no way I could do such a thing. Helllllll. Fuuuucking. Noooooooo. Waaaaaaaayyyy.

[via Just Jared]

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Filed under: Anna Paquin, Cool Chicks, Exes Suck, Hello Kitty, Hello Kitty Beach Cruiser, Hello Kitty Bike, Lorien Haynes, Shit I Could Never Do, Signs of Maturity, Stephen Moyer, Summer Days

Swine Flu: A Great Excuse for Cuteness

The World Health Organization’s fearless leader, Margaret Chan (who, incidentally, I’m totally fascinated by) just announced that it has raised the alert level of swine flu to Phase 6–making it the first influenza pandemic of the 21st century.

Now before y’all get your antibacterial panties in a bunch, let’s talk about what this alert means. Phase 6 refers to the geographic spread of the flu, not the severity of the ailment. So although it may be reaching out across territories, you’re overall more likely to get killed by a car accident or the regular flu (Hmm. It’s never comforting for someone to say “you’re more likely to get killed…” is it?).

Chan says, “We have good reason to believe that this pandemic will be of moderate severity, and we know from experience that severity can vary on many factors from one country to another.”

So let’s try to relax. And think about more important things.

Like… how now seems to be a perfect time to break out the HELLO KITTY FACE MASKS!!!

Avoiding swine flu, the cute way!

[The Washington Post: WHO Raises Swine Flu Threat Level to Highest Level]

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Filed under: Alert Levels, Cuteness, Face Masks, Fashion Bungles, Hello Kitty, Hello Kitty Face Masks, Influenza, Margaret Chan, Pandemics, Panic, Sick Days, Swine Flu, W.H.O., World Health Organization

Hello Kitty²

Okay, yes, I know this is adorable. But isn’t something about this kind of wrong and redundant? Like my pup dressing up as dog? Or me dressing up as an Asian girl?

Either way, the inner feline seems none too thrilled about saying “Hello.”

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Thanks, jRu!

Filed under: Adorable But Intolerable, Animals In Clothes, Costumes, Hello Kitty, Pussy Overload, Redundancy

Hello Grody

Japan has named Hello Kitty a goodwill tourism ambassador in hopes that “tapping into that fan base will lead to a bigger flow of tourists into Japan.”

Really, Japan? You sure about that?

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Filed under: Britney Spears, Celebutards, Goodwill, Grody Visages, Hello Kitty, Hilary Duff, Mandy Moore, Mariah Carey, Paris Hilton, Steven Tyler, Tourism, Weird Japanese Behavior

Thinking Pink

Jeeeeezus, Nick Cannon! Have a little pride, will ya?

If you refuse to (you are, after all, wearing an ill-fitting suit with a pink oxford, while shopping at a very icky second-tier Hello Kitty store) … just show a little tech-savvy.

Buy direct, and buy online. You’ll thank me later, Pinky.

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Filed under: Buy Direct, Children, Hello Kitty, Ill-Fitting Suits, Mr. Mariah Carey, Nick Cannon, Online Shopping is Cool, Pink Shirts Require More Pride, Pride, Sanrio, Tech-Savvy

The Incredible Shrinking Pussy

Hello Kitty in Christian Dior

Reuters reported today that Hello Kitty is the latest cartoon celeb to seek treatment for an undisclosed eating disorder. The pussy icon had been photographed looking noticeably thinner in recent months and will be appearing next in the May issue of Japanese Vogue, modeling Dior’s fall collection.

Friends say that the Vogue fashion spread put pressure on the “normal-sized” kitty to shed weight, although it was not the sole cause of her eating disorder. One source close to HK said on condition of anonymity:

“She’s anorexic. It’s been obvious to her friends and colleagues for quite some time. I mean, duh? Look at her mouth. Have you ever seen it open? Much less filled with food?”

Hello Kitty has entered a treatment facility in Utah that has also helped actress Mary-Kate Olsen. Hello Kitty’s publicist, Sue Shimasawa, who, like her client, has no mouth, could not be reached for comment.

“I hate all of these skinny bitches!”

Click here for full story.

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Thanks, Ken!
Thanks for the pic, Jasmine!

Filed under: Eating Disorders, Hello Kitty, Pussy, Skinny Bitches, Unfunny Stuff, Vogue is French for Ugly

Love Her or Hate Her, It’s Still an Obsession

The “her” in question being Miz Hello Kitty, of course.

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Filed under: Fauxbulosity, Hello Kitty, Kimora Lee Simmons, Love Me or Hate Me, Ming and Aoki Are Pretty Damn Cute, Taking a Hating Break